here is my Dear Dad letter I copied out of my old deconversion post---I know it is sepcifically mine, but maybe you can get some of the points out of it that apply to you:
Dear Dad,
The religion that I grew up with, with you is not the religion promoted by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society-and it never was. My whole life with you, you taught me 'truths' that WTBS did not hold, telling me not to share them with others at the Hall because not everyone was 'ready' for the 'truth'. The very idea that you are of the anointed is against their dogma. I spent 15 years as a pioneer, put in more hours in field service than anyone else in my family, and I can tell you that what WTBS teaches and believes is not what you taught me to believe. The reason I left was because my conscience could no longer tolerate the corruption and abuse of that group. You are living in a fantasy world if you think the way you believe and the way you live(I am speaking of not actively being involved in the field service--not anything personal)are acceptable to them!
I believe in what you taught me about God. I have not left the Truth. At this point in my life I do not even consider myself Christian.
Now you may feel that you spent more time deeply involved in the inner workings as an elder, but that was a long time ago. Things have changed since then, and you are no longer in the loop. And if you remember correctly you were always on the edge anyway--not exactly a team player. I started seeing some dangerous patterns in 1994 with WTBS. Then in 1996-7 I was personally asked by A WTBS attorney to lie in court to cover up a scandal at Bethel. I can give you as many details as you wish to know including names and dates---but I never thought you cared to know about it. I spent 23 years involved in WTBS with you, and another 11 involved with them without you. It was not my years with you that decided my leaving. Did you know that in 1985 they changed the Baptism questions? I didn't until I did some research. When I got baptized I made a vow to Jehovah, Jesus, and to follow the leadings of Holy Spirit. In 1985 they changed that to following the instructions of WTBS. I did not make a vow to an organization. I made a vow to God, His Son and the Holy Spirit's leadings IN MY LIFE.
If there was one single thing that took me out, it was a careful study(with no ulterior motive--as it was something I just came upon accidentally) of Revelation 7: 9 and 11 in the WTBS' own Kingdom Interlinear. Briefly, in verse 9 it is talking about the Great Crowd, and in verse 11 it is talking about the angels. Now unless the angels are going to be on the Earth, the Great Crowd is in Heaven. The Greek word that identifies where these two groups are is exactly the same. There is not degrees of 'before the throne' indicated here, nor does the Greek word used support that stretch of a theory(for this I spoke with a professor of ancient languages at Harvard). There are other Greek words that could have been used to differentiate a different place, but that is not how the inspired writer wrote it. It says that the angels, in the circle of throne-Heaven, will worship in the same place as the Great Crowd-who came OUT of the Earth--and that place is before the throne. This is not talking about the 144,000. Verse 14 reiterates the place where the Great Crowd are, using the phrase again-and adds the phrase 'in the divine habitation of him'---so now WTBS would have us believe that not only do the angels come down to the Earth to worship but that God himself lives here? I know they explain it that his tent will spread over the Earth---but that is not what the SCRIPTURE says. The scripture says that the Great Crowd will join him in his tent. No where does it indicate that this tent will be on Earth. No where. And the logic that they use to say that his tent will be extended to the Earth is flawed logic, making scripture fit WTBS' own dogma. THAT is criminal. To manipulate the Word of God in order to cover your own butts! It sickens me.
So I fell in with no 'apostates' or read no 'forbidden' books. It was the WTBS' own literature that took me out. I did not forsake the Truth. The Truth set me free. And I decided this on December 17, 1995. A year and a half before I ever met Lee. He had nothing to do with it.
Now as far as my Church wedding which is what I am assuming stimulated this email from you, can you blame me? I planned my wedding since I was 6 years old. WTBS took away my youth, my prospects for marriage and a family ((I had a tubal ligation done in 1994 on the 'strong' advice of an elder(I was told if I got married and had a baby I would be removed as a pioneer) who was trying to match me up with a brother who did not want children--of course after the surgery the brother moved away never to be heard of again!)) Lee and I had a beautiful pagan wedding on a beach at midnight with a few close friends, but it was not how either of us ever pictured a wedding. We wanted photographs and cake and all the stuff everyone else gets. It was a first wedding for both of us. So I did what I had to do and we had our wedding. It was lovely, but bitter sweet, knowing that it was 20 years too late and none of my family cared enough to be there. So chalk up yet another one for WTBS.
If you were not guilty of the so-called 'sin' you were disfellowshipped for, as you explained to me that Jehovah can judge the extenuating circumstamces, then blame the WTBS for causing this rift in our relationship too. I was not allowed to talk to you for how long? 8 years or more? On the penalty of my being removed as a pioneer--that is what I was repeatedly told. Do you know how it ripped me up to hear your voice when you called to tell me about Jeremy's suicide and not be able to even give you a hug? Not get to know Ruth or Matthew? And I wrote the WTBS asking advice on how to deal with family relationships under the circumstances, I pleaded with them, and was flat out told that I could not have anything to do with you period. YOU were considered apostate by every congregation I attended. The letters I got back from WTBS forbid me to even PRAY for you! But you never knew that because when you did come back I did not want to hurt your feelings or undermine your supposedly weak faith(their words not mine). So Dad you just don't know what I put up with from them in those 11 years. I have tried to put it behind me. But now I have a hard time finding any solace in faith. The mention of the name Jehovah is painful to me. And I have studied and studied scripture and theology and I just can't get past the idea that maybe the whole Christian thing was just a way to enslave people from the beginning.
Whatever Russell had, Rutherford lost. Same with the Mormons, Joseph Smith had a rare spirituality, but Brigham Young turned it into a business enterprise. The first Christian Church, whether anyone likes it or not was called Catholic. I think it had something unique until it became the political pawn of Constantine, and then with the final chapters of the Roman Empire, Christianity went into hiding with the fanatics and the extremists. I have read many Gnostic texts and I find none of them in contradiction of the Bible Canons, but in great contradiction of Church teaching. The thing is, I don't identify with the Bible as a holy book or the God of the Bible as my God. I am not Jewish. I don't want to be Jewish. It is not my culture or inheritance. I don't belong. I think maybe you can empathize with the feeling of not belonging...
Religion is such a small limited piece of spirituality for humans. The world is such a bigger place than cults would have you believe. The Universe belongs to everyone. Truth is relative here on Earth. And the idea that there is only one secret way and only one elite group of people practicing it, is American Protestant Fundamentalism at its most dangerous. It is trap.
Sincerely,
Ravyn
