Hey Saint Satan. I haven't read every post you've placed on here, but myself, well...I'm pretty much faceless on here, except for that silly 'car crash' photo I placed on here beside my name.
It has been close to 20 years since I left the Borg. I had no family in the organization, but I alienated myself so badly from them as a result, it was like being shunned on purpose by them.
Years later, things are definitely better. It is definitely not an overnight journey to 'find oneself' that's for sure. But when you get there, the journey leading up to it, will be well worth recording and remembering.
Shame is a powerful tool.
But from what I am reading, you are shedding your past, and working to restore yourself, under your own terms.
I am 40 now. It is only in the last couple of years that I have felt any contentment. I think as days/weeks/months and years go by, we get better at being: ourselves.
Saint Satan, forgive me if I have taken liberties here at writing what I have written, but when I read what you read, I saw some similarities in some of where I have been.
Like a fine wine and single-malt scotch: it gets better with age