Hi, and welcome to the boards. I'm relatively new myself, and I really enjoy the discussions here. One of the things you wrote that stood out to me was "we've been trying very hard to stay on neutral ground". I totally understand, that is kind of what I did when I started my slow fade. However, I did my fade a long time ago, back in the late 80's, and it was possible then. Given all that I've heard and read recently, it is no longer as easy to fade out. I think if people were allowed to stay on neutral ground ( in other words, have their own opinion), so many would not feel the need to leave. There were some really good suggestions on leaving, the depression thing, mixing up the congregations you go to, and most importantly, DON'T TALK TO THE ELDERS! I would add to that you should be VERY cautious in talking to family. If they are not ready to hear it, you will be labeled apostate, which is as bad if not worse than being DF'd. I am not sure I understand why your husband prefers DA to DF, as I believe they have the same effect. Maybe because one you choose to do, the other is done to you? Anyway, best of luck to you, and you'll find plenty of support here.
happyout
JoinedPosts by happyout
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Thank you for your replies!
by scaredyetresolved ini told my husband last week that i didn't plan on going to chats or forums.
we've been trying very hard to stay on neutral ground.
we began by just researching all the history of jws and turning to the publications published by the society, to either back the history we were reading, or to dispel it.
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happyout
I don't know if you're still checking this thread, but I'm from Carson, CA
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UN-field service game
by jws inafter finding an awake in a hospital waiting room, it got me to thinking of a game for ex-jws to play - possibly as an apostafest activity.. get an un-field-service carload together and go around to laundromats, waiting rooms, etc and try to find publications to remove: watchtowers, awakes, and even the occasional book.. maybe even replace them with an anti-jw info to prep the laundry washers next time the jws come around.
or surprise the jws about the rampant apostate activity in their area.. don't forget to take frequent coffee breaks.
in this game, it's ok to keep your time going no matter how long you stay.. might even be funny to send in an anonymous recap to your local congregation explaining what you did, how much time each of you put in and how many books and magazines you disposed of.. what do you do with the magazines afterwards?
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happyout
Ok, the thought of this is just too funny!! I would love to play, but even though I am out, I don't want to get caught doing anything anti. I know, I'm a chicken
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Why JWs have a hard time leaving the organization
by Elsewhere inthe other day i saw a post by a therapist asking why jws have such a hard time leaving the organization.
i searched but could not find the thread.
i wanted to answer, but i could not think of a good answer.
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happyout
I think there are several reasons why people have a hard time leaving. For me, it was the knowledge that I was going to hurt my family who were still in. It took me approximately 4 years of knowing I was going to leave to finally work up the courage to start the slow fade. And it's not just family, I lost all my friends in the borg. These were lifelong "friends", and since I had been discouraged from associating with anyone in the "world", I did not have a strong support system when I left. And, there were years of wondering, "what if I'm wrong, and they're right?" When you have had it pounded into your brain for decades that this religion is the only way to salvation and God's love, it is terrifying to leave. And when the carefully veiled threats have been repeated over and over, it takes a special kind of strength to free yourself. And again, don't forget that you are inundated DAILY (daily text, witness family members, prayers before every meal) with the same teachings, and discouraged from looking outside, because that means you don't love GOD. It's actually amazing that people ever leave, especially those raised in the group.
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Princess' Christmas Party
by Mulan inprincess wrote this on another thread.steve and i are recovering from our annual family christmas party we had last night.
it's fun to have christmas celebrations with the family after all these years.
this was the first year the entire family made it.
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happyout
I am so excited for you!! I dream of the day I can have a party like that. I used to think it would happen after the year 2000, 'cause it's obvious that the "generation that was here" in 1914 would all pretty much be gone by now. Darn that old WTS for changing the teaching!! Although, if I remember correctly, Ray Franz said way back in '85 that they were going to change the teaching.
Anyway, good for you all, and here's wishing everyone a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
ps When my dub family found out I celebrated Christmas, they were appalled. Now they just shrug it off. Last year I told my mom I love getting presents so much, I was going to start celebrating Chanukah just to get more!
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Organ Donation
by tinman72 insomething i've wrestled with since i left the organization.
any xdubs out there who are organ donors?
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happyout
Yes, I have the card on my driver's license, and I also donate blood. My dub family doesn't know abou the blood, I wonder how freaked out they would be??
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Can we really fade away for good
by JH ini was wondering how long an inactive witness can stop going to meetings before the elders can disfellowship the person?
some are saying that the elders will visit inactive ones in jan,feb,march.
is there a strategy up their sleeve?
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happyout
I faded away because A) I was baptized when I was a minor, and don't feel I should be held liable for that action and B) my immediate family are still in. I love my family, we are very close, and since I am not DF'd or DA'd, they can still socialize with me. This is even more important, because now I have a 2 year old son, and they see him all the time. Maybe they are unique in that they are not always trying to get me to come back, or trying to ram the org down my throat. Yes, sometimes they do, especially around the memorial time, or when they are having a special talk by a "Bethelite". My fade has been successful so far, although I live in the same area I grew up in, and most of the elders know where I live, no one has come by. I don't know if it's because my husband is not and never was a dub, and they don't want to do anything he may construe as negative, or if they just know me well enough to realize I won't be an easy mark. I don't really care what their reasons are for not coming, I'm just glad they don't. If they did, I would not put myself in a position where they would be able to easily "label" me, but I would not lie. If they asked me if I consider myself a witness, I may say something like, I consider myself a child of God, and I speak to him on a regular basis. I would not let them pin me down so they could stick a label on me. If some people consider that a weakness, ok, but I consider it my own strenght in making people respect me for what I am. What am I? A child of God, weren't you paying attention??
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Brain Washing? Mind Control?
by Sirona indo the jehovahs witnesses use brain washing or mind control techniques?.
if a good dub attends 5 hours of meetings a week, does 2 hours of service a week and does 1 hour of personal study a week, this adds up to 416 hours a year of time thinking and being "taught" about jehovahs witness beliefs.
416 hours adds up to about 11 working weeks a year!
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happyout
If you've all read the book 1984, you understand the way those people were required to think whatever they were told to think, even though they KNEW it to be untrue. Same with the dubs, when they receive "new light" they must immediately "forget" whatever the previous teaching was and twist your mind to accomodate the new teaching. Of course, when other religions change their teachings, that is proof that they are not being guided by God. Brainwashing? Maybe. Mind control? Definitely. Cult? Depends on your definition. What is not in doubt, however, is that in order to remain a member in good standing, you are required to abstain from any outside reading or studying, and you must accept WITHOUT QUESTION any and all teachings coming from the WTS. Scary no matter what you call it.
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have you been tricked about honesty?
by wheelwithinwheel ini was brought up to believe i was part of the only honest group of people on the planet.
the worldly people were gougers, thieves and downright dishonest.
when wed go to the mall and some charity would ask for a donation, my parents would politely refuse, then tell us kids the charity was crooked and skimmed off most of the money for itself.
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happyout
No group of people can be expected to be all good or all bad. That's a bigoted kind of attitude. Within all groups there are honest, dishonest, talkative, quiet, etc. The problem is that some groups (not only dubs, but lots of religions) try to act like they've cornered the market on all the good qualities, while not admitting to the bad. I have learned to take individuals at face value, and not based on what "group" they belong to.
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Who Are The Smartest Posters Here?
by minimus inbesides minimus?????
?edited by - minimus on 12 december 2002 9:45:44.
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happyout
I'm probably too new for everyone to recognize my rather obvious brilliance I don't really think you can judge the "smartest" by what people post, you can
only judge who expresses their thoughts well in writing. I think everyone has shown intelligence, not necessarily by leaving the society, because some posters
are still in, but at least by opening their minds to other opinions by coming to this board.