My life as a jw was sometimes filled with much heartache and dissapointment(more than I care to go into here) I recall many a nights on my knees in prayer to Jehovah asking him please don't let me wake up tommorow. Due to my persona I internalized alot to the point where I contemplated suicide. It got so bad that I was on the verge of what I know now would have been a serious breakdown. Mom sensed something was wrong and took me to the e.r I spent almost two years in therapy trying to deal with my issues without anyone in my cong or close circle of friends knowing. Finally got up the nerve to let one of the elders know what was going on with me. He proved not to be uplifting or encourgaging at all, was disgusted that I chose to seek the help of a therapist and not *throw my burdens on Jehovah* or the classic *wait on Jehovah* It pissed me off so much that I wanted to tell him would you have preferred to be attending my funeral this sat or be happy to see me out in service? How can anyone call these people loving?
ikhandi
JoinedPosts by ikhandi
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42
Were You Depressed Because You Were A Witness?
by minimus init seems that many people here have been greatly depressed because they were or still are jehovah's witnesses.
what about you?
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6
31 things I don't miss about the meetings!
by Noumenon in1. having to sit through 3 of them a week, year after year after year.. 2. talking to the same old faces after every meeting, year after year after year.. 3. tolerating nerdy speakers, often with irritating speech and nasal habits.
many over-emphasing and spending an excessive amount of time on some pet insignificant point and glossing over main points.. 4. quietly fuming at speakers going over time on the service meeting when one is tired and cranky and dying to get home.. 5. cold, draughty kingdom halls with the crudest and cheapest heating and airconditioning installed, if any at all.. 6. attendants (beagles) who go opening up all the windows at half time, or sooner, when it's chilly outside and everyone was just starting to feel comfortable.. 7. feeling guilty cause i never bothered to stay behind to vacuum, dust, or clean the bog when it was our bookstudy's turn.. 8. screaming brats, babies, and fidgety obnoxious kids who squirm, move, whinge, and kick my chair through the entire meeting.. 9. people constancy whispering and talking to each other thru the meeting.. 10. twerps who habitually turn up 10 minutes late every meeting and insist on sitting up the front.. 11. being bored witless with watchtower studies on some dull, dry, doctrinal subject, or some touchy feely, lovey-dovey, emotional subject.
counting the paragraphs to see how much torture remains before escaping back home.
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ikhandi
Will always remember my mom poking me in my side when I was a teenager to get my hand up to comment. She continued to do this up until my early 20's which Is why I switched to our sister cong. For there was no pressure. Some friends tried to show off way too much with all that extra research they were doing just to answer one question in the wt. Where the heck did you get the time?
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25
Does anyone here still go to the meetings
by Brandy5 ini was just wondering if anyone here still go to the meetings.
if so why do you attened?
eddited to add are you married to an active jw .
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ikhandi
I avoided meetings ever since my trip on the diss fellow ship. My attendance at the circuit assembly last week was my first since leaving.(what the hell was I thinking) The only reason I went was because of my mother invited me too. For once in the last 4 years I saw her happy and not dissapointed with my status. She truly has no idea who I am. I have no current plans to go again, although I may go to the memorial this year.
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10
How to succeed in field service w/o really trying
by joe_from_kokomo inah, field service .
that joy of knocking on a total stranger's doors to try to sell them on your own religious doctrines.
isn't it joyful?
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ikhandi
Towards my final days I thought it was ridicoulous. I regular pioneered for three years straight and attended college. I had no life, spent all day in service on sat and before and after the meetings on sunday. Then I went back for more, because I had still had to preach during the week. It wore me down seriously, toting some of the most ungrateful friends around who would never cough up any gas money. And don't get me started on stalking people with return visits. Now I sleep in every saturday til nine.
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14
How can I successfully Deprogram?
by ikhandi infor months i have been questioning in my mind whether i still believe what i was taught in this organization.
my belief system is very much intact.
i stopped using illegal drugs(this got me on the disfellow ship in the first place) i don't lie or steal, but still curse like crazy.
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ikhandi
For months I have been questioning in my mind whether I still believe what I was taught in this organization. My belief system is very much intact. I stopped using illegal drugs(this got me on the disfellow ship in the first place) I don't lie or steal, but still curse like crazy. I am two days into reading crisis of conscience and believe me it is an eye opener. I am starting to feel like I wasted so many precious years of my life living a total lie. I pushed myself so much regular pioneering and attending college that it made me literally sick at times in which I was hospitalized.I can never get time back but I can move forward and live my life as I want. How do I erase the beliefs that the wts has drilled into my mind?
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10
Is Ray Franz a Buddhist?
by jazbug inthere's a rumor circulating around atlanta that ray is a buddhist...does anyone know if there is any truth to that??????????
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ikhandi
yall are a trip on here. I could personally care less what the hell he does. He ain't doing a damn thing for me
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62
Dissing the JWs....
by ScoobySnax ini've been inactive for a few years now, and yet, despite all i read, i can't feel as you mostly all do.
i have a lot of happy memories of being "in the truth" (and i know how much some here hate that line) and fond memories of the meetings and assemblies, sure it was much easier to break away and live life like i am now,..... but well, thats just how i feel.
i can understand those that may leave for personal reasons, but not sure i'll ever understand some here who have such a hatred of anything jw related.
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ikhandi
Scooby I feel what your saying totally. I realized that I also had very good memories of being a witness while I sat in the audience of this years circuit assembly. I felt like I was missing out and wanted to be a part of all of it again. I have no ill feelings to the judicical commitee that felt it was right to disfellowship me, because I know they had to. I really gave them no other choice. Why have one bad apple spoil the whole bunch? Right now in my life I am contemplating going back to meetings on a consistent basis in hopes of eventually being reinstated, and no I am not crazy, for its my life. The bottom line? only you know what is right for you. Jehovah is still a very real person to me, so to diss his witnesses means I am dissing him personally. So I ain't going there
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No Eternal Life---Now What Hope Do You Have?
by minimus inone thing all witnesses have had in common is the belief that they would someday inherit everlasting life.
as more and more express the thought that they really don't have much hope for the future, has anything replaced the hope of eternal life in paradise earth?
or are we ultimately, hopeless?
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ikhandi
I know it may sound crazy to some but I still have held onto my beliefs mainly because I still believe them to be true. My father died when I was when I was nine and the only way I was able to deal with his death was my belief in the ressurection. Now whether any of us will be there to witness our loved ones back is another story.I honestly believe it will occur. For this is was Jehovah has promised and he can not lie. So no doubt I believe it is possible to live forever.
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59
I miss being a JW
by joelbear in.
it seems the more time goes by, the more i miss being a jw.. i miss my friends.
i miss the feeling of safety of the group.. i miss having hope.. i miss it a lot..
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ikhandi
I know exactly how you feel. I have been away from jehovahs organization for almost 4 years. I just recently attended the circuit assembly(my first real metting since my disfellowshipping) and realized how much I missed going to those. I plan on going to the meetings again as a start to coming back to Jehovah. You are not crazy to have those feelings. Its your decision. If you feel so strongly give it another chance. You owe at least that much to yourself. Don't be unduly influenced by others not to afterall its your life literally.
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37
Do you ever think about returning to Jehovah
by ikhandi inmaybe i was just curious to hear what they were going to discuss.
i went to the two day circuit assembly.
for those who wonder, its theme was taken from psalms 37:3 it's theme trust in jehovah and do good.
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ikhandi
Well I did it. I am not sure why I did. Maybe I was just curious to hear what they were going to discuss. I went to the two day circuit assembly. For those who wonder, its theme was taken from psalms 37:3 It's theme trust in Jehovah and do good. For those who don't know me, I was disfellowshipped in 99 and have never been to a meeting since, nevermind a circuit assembly. Of course it was preached constantly go out in service more, pioneer if you can, attend all your meetings, prepare thoroughly for all your meetings. This is something that I have heard a countless times growing up. Sitting there I was suprised that I actually remembered how to find each scripture in the bible since I stopped reading that too. And then I remembered how I always loved attending the assemblies in the past because the information was always so well presented, and I how learned something new about a certain scripture, or gained encouragement from a particular experience. For once in my life I truly felt like I was missing out on something really spectacular and that was Jehovah and his people. I realized that I need to get things right with god and going to meetings again is a start. Honestly does anyone here feel that way?