It is so sad that you have to hurt that way. I think you should go to visit the grave site, if that helps you. I am sure she missed you as well before she passed. It was wrong that she was robbed of you love in her later years. My heart is with you.
Posts by goofy
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24I NEED you all's opinion!!! Please read................................
by Jesika ini just got off the phone with cruzanheart.
she told me about someone i knew that passed away.
i don't remember her very well, but i remember she was very nice and very humble.
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26
Remembering the Truth
by ScoobySnax ini have no argument left in me, and no desire to fight really.
when i was inactive i used to look at ex-jws with placard boards outside assemblies or conventions, i knew these people existed even if they were a bit "wacky".
i always used to wonder why these people did this, and to be honest i didn't like them, they looked creepy stood there with their flip charts outside a stadium.
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goofy
I have some fond memories but I also have memories of standing alone before and after every meetings as a young person just wishing someone would talk to me (more than a passing hello, how are you) so I would look so stupid standing alone. Have you guys ever heard this one "Are you in the Truth" or "Is the Truth in You"
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7
Heritage left by life of Watchtower teaching
by goofy inhello everyone, i was just wondering if any of you have thought of this.
it makes me angry sometimes.
i am a grown child with an aging parent.
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goofy
The not so funny thing is I as I was beginning to drift away and Elder (who I actually do like) advised me that it was probably my job causing my spiritual problems. He thought maybe I should reconsider, take something a little simpler and Jehovah would provide. At the same time I was stressing due to knowing my parents needed several things. I do believe Jehovah provides, Now, I just understand, he provided a brain, two hands, and some common sense, which I am now finally using. So needless to say I did not take somthing simpler and stuck with my job. But I cannot believe how they tell us not to worry and then never worry about us short of handing us a Watchtower to read when we have a problem.
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7
Heritage left by life of Watchtower teaching
by goofy inhello everyone, i was just wondering if any of you have thought of this.
it makes me angry sometimes.
i am a grown child with an aging parent.
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goofy
Hello everyone, I was just wondering if any of you have thought of this. It makes me angry sometimes. I am a grown child with an aging parent. All of the years that I can remember growing up, my parents and others never saved for retirement due to the fact that the system would be long gone before they retired. If someone did talk about saving for retirement they were really looked on as spiritually weak and without faith. It was a given that children would not go to college to get that education that wasn't needed due to the fact that this system would be gone, why waste the time, we were taught. Now as a grown child I have heard (which I do agree with this) from the platform many times that it is the children's Godly responsibility first of all to take care of the aging parents. The congregation only takes partial responsiblity if there are not children who take the responisiblity. How nice of this organization, tell my parents; don't save, tell me; don't get that education, now tell me take responsibility when they have pretty much tied my hands in this aspect. Of course I will make sure one way or the other, but shouldn't they step up and help out this generation that they messed up with all their financial advice throught the years? In some ways I have been blessed My life seems to have worked out and I have had what I have needed but It kills me to see family without financial things they really should have and stressed and depressed about their situations and I don't have an abundance to provide. I worry about the future as they continue to age Just venting here.
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goofy
I am 34 but I don't feel a settled 34. Still so much to figure out. And to experience that most people my age experienced for so many years. I seem to be acting out my teen years that I never got to act out when I was a teenager. 34 and single can be fun though.
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44
Are You Afraid Of Watchtower Spies, Here?
by minimus indo you think that some in our midst are watchtower spies?
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goofy
It does bother me, and that is one major reason I have been hesitant to post. So far, I have been left alone. I talk to my family and no problems. So I think if you can, it is best to protect your identity.
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27
What is the worst thing about leaving?
by sleepy in.
everyone probably has a slightly different experience when leaving the witnesses.the worst aspect about this for me is the realisation that my enteire life has been lived and directed by a false premiss, and the effect past decisions now have on my life.. it can make me feel sick in the stomach on occation.. also the idea that friends and family think i have tuned bad or evil to have left jehovah is qute disturbing at times.
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goofy
I regret not going to college. I always had good grades and wonder where I may be today, had I pursued an education.
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5
Overcoming CONversation Stoppers...
by Huxley indo you folks remember that section in the reasoning book?
i recall several service meeting parts where we were supposed to "keep pitching" after someone said, "i'm not interested.
cute, catchy little zingers like, "well our message is geared for busy people.".
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goofy
Well, think about it in real life situations. If you ask a person out on a date and they tell you they are not interested and you keep pushing, you would be considered a stalker. I think it is the same. When someone says no, they mean no. Leave them alone.
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33
Goofy's Introduction, hello
by goofy ini feel like i know some of you since i have been lurking here for almost two years, yikes!.
let me introduce myself.
i go by goofy here, you know the disney character, always liked him.
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goofy
Thanks everyone it's nice to finally chat with you. It took a while to decide to post because I guess I stilled believed things taught to me but after hours and hours of research, I guess I don't feel it is "wrong" to visit or post at this site anymore. I learned a lot about the Truth I grew up in that I would never had imagined. I always thought we had the "Absolute Truth". The Beth Sarim issue shocked me and was what first started me doubting absolute truth. So that is why I didn't post for so long. I just lurked and read.
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Goofy's Introduction, hello
by goofy ini feel like i know some of you since i have been lurking here for almost two years, yikes!.
let me introduce myself.
i go by goofy here, you know the disney character, always liked him.
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goofy
Hello all. I feel like I know some of you since I have been lurking here for almost two years, yikes!
Let me introduce myself. I go by Goofy here, you know the Disney character, always liked him. I was raised a Witness and do not want to be identified by anyone who knows me as I am not DA'd or DF'd but have been inactive for a couple of years now.
I left mainly because I had to before I killed myself with self pity and scarlet water. I was lonely and never fit into the organization. I never fit in anywhere as a child as I was a very devout little JW girl in school. I followed all the rules and read studied more than most adults ever have. I was firm on Birthdays, holidays, etc. I must have seemed a very strange little girl. I used to try to make it to the swingset at recess first so that the teachers wouldn't notice that I was at recess alone again. My family was not "in socially" in the congregation, so I grew up without any friends to speak of. I grew up believing that I was not likeable and that I was completely inferior . I remember at the Hall I would make my way to the water fountain as many times as possible before and after the meetings so that the Brothers and Sisters wouldn't notice me standing alone because I would be embarrassed becasue noone was talking with me. It got worse as I became a teenager. Being a shy person didn't help matters.
I have read many of your posts and litterly cried because I recognised the feelings you relayed in your posts. The isolation feelings, guilt, disfuntional families, the good old "spankings" etc. etc.
Well, through the years I became more outgoing, less theocratic, married and divorced (to a guy out of the Truth) and repented and turned back to the Organization. But I still continued to have "Worldly Friends" but actually became pretty active again for several years afterwards. I stopped with a lot of the worldly association and turned to the congregation due to encouragement I had received from the Elders in a short while though. Shortly after that I began to sink to an all time low. I tried and tried but through the years I had developed into a very social people loving person. I like to laugh and party. As a single sister association is limited. I had lots of "friends" now in the congregation as I was being active. I had a lot of people say hello to me at the Hall, but no friend to call up on the phone to chat or have a coffee with. I began drinking harder and harder and crying myself to sleep every night. All the while I am hearing comments made about me by the congregation about my independent attitudes on dress ( I mouthed off a little about having to wear skirts to the meeting when it was cold) and that I was materialistic (yeah right, I made under $30,000 at the time) because I did enjoy my job and talked about it often. The one thing that made me pretty happy at the time.
Finally after one very self pitying night, I got up the next morning and just said to myself "I am done". I stopped going to meetings. I have been living my life now. I am happier and have many friends calling me and sometimes I look forward to the night that I "get to spend alone". I still am not in a relationship, but it doesn't matter as I am not lonely anymore.
I still have guilt feelings sometimes, still have to deal with family who try to force feed me information to "come back to the Truth" and still am not sure what to do about my relationship with God, as I do pray and read the Bible everyday. I am not sure of what I believe anymore, but I believe in Jehovah, Jesus and the resurrection, though I think the resurrection may be heavenly.
One thing that helped me and may help some others was that I found a couple of nice little "Cheers" like lounges that I spent a lot of time at, at first and one I still go to on a fairly regular basis because I like the people there. It gives me a place to go and just be me and I don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing, as everyone forgets by next week anyway. Now, I am not advocating going to get drunk or for the sake of picking someone up, I always leave alone, but if you find the right place, it's like the Cheers them song says, "Sometimes you want to go where everyone knows your name". You have a few laughs, chat some, relax and it helps with the feeling of missing a congregation full of people you know. It's best to pick a lounge that is a little upper class and has the same customers on a regular basis so you get to know people. It becomes almost like a little party or social setting. But, I know this isn't for everyone and some may even frown at the suggestion.
I just breathe a little easier now and drink a lot less. I think the move away from the Organisation has been best for my own life. I don't hate the Organisation or anyone in it. I do dislike some of the hardline rules etc.
I hope this wasn't to long. I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Sincerely, Goofy