On the first day of office I would give a pardon to all non-violent drug offenders in Federal prison.
Then I'd get some interns. Muhahahaha.
Then I'd improve the whole "Illegal Immigrant" problem by invading Mexico and making everyone there a US citizen.
For Fourth of July we'd Nuke the Moon. We'd encourage other nuclear powers to also nuke the moon in a sort of "Who Can REALLY nuke the moon" pyrotecnic contest. This would end our stockpiles of nuclear weapons after awhile and give thousands of aeropsace workers newfound work.
Dick Chaney would be appointed ambassador to the moon (See above).
Beam our television programming to China. It's made us dumb and lazy and it's time use our best weapons agaisnt someone else besides ourselves.
Tawny Kittain: Secretary of Defense.