(((((Lovesdubs)))))
I can guess how you feel. My oldest son drives me crazy--but I love him so much I can't stand it. I sometimes feel hopeless! And I recall sitting next to him in the backseat, driving home from the hospital, and sobbing because I DID NOT WANT this sweet baby to grow up!! (Of course, many sleepless nights later I thought he should grow up enough to at least sleep through the night...)
But we have an international student living with us from S. Korea right now, and he is the most delightful 27-yr old I've ever met. Incredibly polite, sensitive, goes out of the way to be kind to my kids, etc. I wondered just what his parents did to get such a fine young man, and felt a bit embarassed by how wild my oldest is. He has observed several arguments since he's been here, and I felt that he must wonder why American culture has so many problems. Two months ago, all he could say to me was, "I know your heart, I know his heart."
Recently his English has finally come to a point where he could tell me that as a teenager he was utterly self-absorbed and took his parents for granted, arguing with them and shouting constantly, rebelling whenever he could. He has a tattoo on his back--which is something VERY looked down upon by Korean society! And had quite a few piercings at one point. He was a devotee of very heavy metal and played the part too, it seems.
But when he went to work in Korea, he found himself working 12 hour days, 6 days a week. He was utterly exhausted and felt trapped. He said (in broken English) that it finally hit him just what his father had sacrificed for him--hours without thanks. He regretted deeply all the pain he caused his dad, and did a 180-spin in his attitude. This revelation about his past really surprised me, and it intrigued my son. The upshot is this student is becoming like a big brother to him.
Also... I recall feeling very distant from my own mom for many years, even though we were friendly. It wasn't until I began to struggle with exhaustion in parenting 2 small children that it hit me (like it hit our student) that my mom had the very same hopes I had, and experienced even worse frustration than I did because she had 5 kids. Epiphany time!
Your son will have an epiphany about your love for him, I am sure. Smile, and look ahead. Enjoy the moment you are in--it will also be part of your sweet memories one day.
bebu
