Dear TTATTelder
I am feeling with you. 4 years ago they appointed me elder. In the talk with 2 elders before the announcement was made, I told them I didn't want to become an elder as I have doubts about certain topics. They just said that everyone has some doubting points. They pushed me into it.
2 years ago I couldn't bear it longer and wrote a letter that I don't want to be an elder anymore because I don't agree with disfellowship arrangement and doubt some bible passages where Jehovah is ordering genocide. They were shocked but accepted my stepping down. I just couldn't bear it longer the hypocrisy of being an elder with feelings that so much is wrong in the organisation.
In the last 2 years I researched more (especially also about blood). It is sad though that it damaged my marriage, as my wife just can't accept that I have different religious feelings than her. I don't know where this will end but sometimes it is like walking through a minefield.
But I tell you the feeling was great the day when I was no elder anymore.
I wish you all the best and hope to keep in touch with you
Daniel