why do you stay in an abusive relationship?
do you feel that it's your responsibility to change him?
do you feel you "owe" him.
Hold up now...!
I was not raised in an abusive situation. There was plenty of love in our household. I also had a better education and made more money than my abusive husband...so it's not that I NEEDED him to survive.
Please do not make general statements. Each incident is individual.
I clearly do not fit the pattern you are trying to establish.
Lisa
why do you stay in an abusive relationship?
do you feel that it's your responsibility to change him?
do you feel you "owe" him.
perhaps if you read my post in sens thread.
I'm a smart woman. I would never have put myself in that position. But what you're missing here is that it seldom starts out that way. They don't start the abuse till after they have you...be it marriage...a child...whatever. Prior to that it's all moonlight and magnolias. You can get swept away. In my case, it started slowly, right after we were home from the honeymoon. Always with the promise of "baby...I'm sorry. It'll never happen again." Then the verbal abuse that can eat away slowly at any bit of self-esteem you have within you. You begin to believe the lies. Each time you start out the door...the beatings get worse (hospitalized here). Think of Pavlov's dog...I try to go...I get beat...I try to go...I get beat again. Sooner or later...you stop trying to go. You begin to adapt your behavior so that you don't set them off. But, no matter what you do there is always a new thing that will set them off. It's an issue of control. And power. Who has the power...the control?
anyway...that's my two cents
Lisa
.
and if so, how did you get out, or how are you planning to get out.. thanks.
wendy
(sens)) -
Thank you dear. That's very kind of you to say.
((Heather)) -
Here's to you...
And to ALL the strong and beautiful women here....
Never again...Break the Silence
Lisa
hi guys & gals
ive been watching the forum for a few weeks and think its about time i joined and jumped in with both feet.
faint heart.." and all that!
Gigamesh...
Howdy and Welcome from the Great State of Texas!!
Lisa
.
and if so, how did you get out, or how are you planning to get out.. thanks.
wendy
(((sens)))
My first abused me..both physically and verbally. I suffered a miscarriage from a beating. I got to where I couldn't stand the sight of a dozen roses because it was just empty promises "I won't do it again. But, Baby, you know you shouldn't do that...I can't help it when you do things like that." I began to believe his lies. That somehow this was all my fault. When I went into the relationship, there was no sign of his being abusive. It was all romance. The night after we got home from the honeymoon was the first time he struck me. I pack what I had just unpack and was going to my Mother's house till he "cooled down". That only made it worse..."You B***H! You're not leaving here...EVER!" And so it began...
I thought that love could cure everything that was wrong. If I just loved him more...none of this would be happening. I was wrong...could have been dead wrong. Finally, something snapped in me. He had me in the kitchen against the wall with his forearm across my neck choking me. My head was forced up and all I could see was the ceiling and the top of the refridgerator. On the top of the fridge was a coffee mug tree that had four very heavy stoneware mugs. Huge things. I don't know what came over me...but I thought .."if I'm going...you're comin' with me you M*****#####R!!" Somehow I was able to grab a mug off that tree and bring it down HARD on his head. He pulled away...I shoved him away...I grabbed a kitchen knife...and went after him. I was driven to madness. For a brief moment, I was mad...crazy...looney bin ...mad. I came back from the brink...and realized I cannot do this anymore.
It was a slow and long process to get out. All the while, I kept hoping that he would change. That things would be better. They didn't change. They didn't get better. I had to hide money because he would steal money from my wallet. I got up the money for a cheap lawyer. I had the sheriff serve him with the papers. I wanted nothing but my name back. Take the car...take it all. I'll take the debt and my name.
You know...when we stood before the judge...I still cried when he said this marriage is dissolved.
Looking back..as hard as that is...I wouldn't change a thing. I will never let anyone ever...ever....do that to me...or anyone I care about ever again. I am stronger because of it. There are scars on my body...they healed. The scars on my heart...healed. The occasional "flashback" ..well...you get through it. It's been 20 years since he and I were wed. He's dead now. Murdered. Shot at point blank range. Live by the sword...die by the sword....some would say.
I prefer to think of it as karma...
Lisa
who is willing to harm another person in order to get what they want?
yes....
what a shame
Lisa
hubby and i went to wal-mart yesterday and the manager checked us out.
got to chat a few minutes with him, told him i put in an application and really needed a job.
he said to call him monday morning and talk to him more.
((Sadie))
Good luck to you!! I hope that it all works out for you.
Lisa
.
in case anyone would like to know, dim and dim's wife's baby girl was born today.. i have pictures.
hehehehe.
Congratulations to the proud parents!!
Lisa
thunder called my sister today and she said the doctor said it would be as little as 48 hours before my mom passed away.
i am perplexed as to why they were giving her pain medication when she had no brain waves.
i do have to say that my two dysfunctional siblings are always able to hurt me even when i am not there.
((Sheila & Family))
My deepest sympathy for your loss.
Should you need me..you have my number.
Lisa
now you can find out!
http://disney.go.com/vacations/websites/100yom/secret/flash.html.
and surprise, surprise..... i was tinkerbell!
Aztec -
You and I both know that attitude is everything....
Lisa
