Posts by Anne

25

why take the time to "fade"?

by doogie in

jw
friends

hey guys,.

i'm perplexed by something and i don't know how well it will be received on this board but i'm really curious.

why did you take the time to fade away vs. just daing yourself?.

Anne

I'm mostly just a lurker, but this thread is about something that I wrestled with.

I agree with Blondie's post that it's their rules and we don't have to play by them. For some of us to keep family relationships intact it is necessary to fade. I myself faded without really intending to, or knowing that other people had a name for it.

It would have been easier to just D/A myself and wrapped up all the loose ends in a nice package. It would have completely ended a chapter in my life. (I probably would not feel the need to lurk on sites such as this, or dwell on the JW thing at all. The finality of it is enticing.) But because of those I love, I will make it easier for them to have a relationship with me.

It also makes it easier to assist those who are blind to find their way. My youngest sister has been floundering in self imposed pioneer hell for quite some time. She knows she needs to do something else, but is afraid. For her being a JW is a part of her identity. I would not and could not take that away from her at this time in her life. But what I can do is offer her a life raft. Suggestions, questions, nudges in the right direction. Now she is going to go to college (in her mind so she can better support herself pioneering). Baby steps towards a different life. If I was D/A or D/F I would not be able to have any influence, instead I would be looked on as evil. It's the only loophole that I have.

16

Trouble dealing with life as an ex-JW

by YellowLab in

jw
friends

i'm interested in finding out if anyone here who is an ex-dub has taken or still takes prescription anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication to deal with feelings of inadequacy and inexperience with life outside of the wts, relationship problems, stress/anger, low self-esteem, etc.. i still suffer with self-esteem/image problems as well as stress with life in general after leaving the wts.

i often feel alone and inexperienced when dealing with life's problems, and often find it difficult to handle conflict/disagreements with loved ones when they arise.

i feel these occurrences are a personal attack on myself.. i just started attending counseling to deal with these problems, and it was mentioned that an anti-depressant may help.

Anne

HI! Yellow Lab,

I think your on the right track with counseling. If you think an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication might help you I would suggest that you see a good medical doctor for a physical first. Sometimes there can be an underlying physical reason for the problem. I went through a period of depression in my early 20's that I found out was due to a thyroid disorder. At the time I thought I was losing my mind.

Later I went though another bout of the blues when I was fading from dubdom. I did take Celexa (antidepressant) for a time, but as time went on was able to stop. It did help me to control my emotions at the time.

Anne

34

Getting Baptized, did you really want to, or did you feel extreme pressure?

by run dont walk in

jw
friends

i was never baptized, but boy did i feel the pressure ....... what are you waiting for ???

don't you love jehovah ???

(i was in my late teens and brought up in the borg)

Anne

When I was baptised as a JW it was because I wanted to. But then again I was 13 and probably would have married my first crush because I wanted to.

For children who are raised as JW getting baptised is roughly equivalent to confirmation that many other religions require for their young people. The difference is the repercussions.

For example: I have a younger sister who was DF for smoking when she was 16, she was shunned by the congregation by their usual rules. In contrast my youngest brother has never been baptised. He smokes (much to the disgust of my parents), but he is not shunned even though you can definitly smell it on him and he sneaks outside often. He is not shunned, and almost the entire congregation went to his high school graduation recently. Hmmm, you can't tell me one is worse or better than the other because one of them made a choice to be dunked in water when they were 14. I think the definition of what is immoral is missed by the rules.

At the time I was baptised my family lived in northern MN, USA. Kind of funny but I think I saw the circuit overseers name who gave the talk when I was going down a list of people who have left. His last name was Cole I think.

34

Did you get made fun of when you were in school?

by doodle-v in

jw
friends

did you get made fun of when you were in school?

i'm curious to know because when i was in junior high i was constantly picked on made fun of and the butt of many jokes.

even remembering that hurts till this day.

Anne

Grade school was very weird for me. I was in Catholic school until second grade, then my parents put me in public school, and basically went over-righteous on the JW thing. We weren't allowed to have "worldly" friends, and since there were no other JW children in that area that ment NO friends. Even after we moved to a bigger town there was never any JW children my age, just a few several years younger. By Jr high I was considered just plain weird by most of the other kids at school, never picked on, just ignored.

What I regrete most is that I was still in the JW's for most of the time I was going to college. I miss the fact that I didn't develop those friendships more. That was a very painful time for me. I was being invited to parties and the like by all the so called worldly people, and I would never go. I can remember almost being begged to go out with a few girlfriends. At the time I thought it was some kind of badge of honor that I resisted.

The real kicker was at the time I was regular pioneering and being ditched all the time for service, and not being invited to socialize with the Witnesses. So I wasn't supposed to have "worldly" friends, and the Witnesses didn't want me. Hmmm?

Looking back I now understand why. Alot of the young people in the congregation were involved in much worse things than went on at any of the worldly parties I was invited to. They didn't want me around because they were afraid I'd tattle, when it was all young people in the service group, they didn't want me because then they'd actually have to go out.

I was such an uptight little snot. My friends from college tell me they wanted to take me out and tarnish the halo.

11

My mother, the elder...(No, I'm not kidding)

by logansrun in

jw
friends

one of the more unusual secrets in my family is the fact that for years my mother has written every talk my grandfather -- an elder, the service overseer -- has given from the platform.

a little background: my grandfather was appointed ever since the elder arrangement was put in place in the early 70's.

he's originally from poland and his english is decent, but not great.

Anne

I used to "help" my hubby with his talks too. After we were married they told him his talks greatly improved.

2

Some JW's are fanantics

by Anne in

jw
friends

my youngest brother graduated from high school this past weekend so i was back to the 'folks for a visit.

i think i've been doing rather well up until this point.

my husband and i have been talking things through, and we both know we don't want to go back.

Anne

My youngest brother graduated from high school this past weekend so I was back to the 'folks for a visit.

I think I've been doing rather well up until this point. My husband and I have been talking things through, and we both know we don't want to go back. This has made me a little bolder when dealing with my parents.

My mom has been tiptoeing around the idea of us being inactive because I think she's afraid of what I might say. Well I was sitting up talking with my parents, getting caught up on things, then as soon as my mom goes to bed my dad starts in. I told him point blank (no hedging this time), that I just don't believe in it anymore. He starts spouting scriptures, which make absolutely no sense, then he actually starts to yell, I mean scream at me.

No one talks to me that way, not anymore. I will not tolerate that and he knows it. (It's a good thing my husband wasn't with me.) Well anyway I just walked away from the fight like I always do. (If he would have followed me to continue I would have left and went home.)

How can a religion that provolks someone to fits of rage be the truth? How can you reason with someone who is unreasonable? I really wonder if he isn't bi-polar.

I know they see things that are wrong. They are always complaining about so and so. I don't try to change their views, I even support my siblings efforts to pioneer, etc, if it makes them happy. My hope is to just quietly show by my life choices that there is an existence outside of the cult.

Well anyway, my dad acted like there was nothing wrong the next day. I went to my brother's party, saw all the old congo members. The congregation has shrunk considerably, down to about 50 pubs, from a high of almost 100 ten years ago. Mostly only the over 50 croud left.

43

Why On Earth Did You Ever Become A Witness & What Made You Decide To Leave?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i've known for years that if i was visited at my home by jehovah's witnesses, i would have become a do not call.

i would have firmly but politely told the witnesses to never come back to my door and bother me again.

since i was raised "in the truth", i learned the religion from infancy.

Anne

I was raised as a JW from the age of 8. Funny thing was I went to Catholic school before my parents decided to convert. I often wonder how my life would be different if my folks would have just left it alone.

I started to fade about 2-3 years ago for reasons I am just beginning to understand. I have avoided thinking about it until recently, because I thought if I ignored it I could just get on with the rest of my life. It doesn't quite work that way unfortunately.

I have written in another post that I stayed in because of purely social reasons. That is true. In my case my parents stopped associating with extended family and friends when they became JW's (as they are told to do), and told their children that the congregation was their new friends and family. The result of this was that being a JW became part of my identity. For me to leave I had to be at a place in my life where I could change that identity.

5

What's done is done.

by Anne in

jw
friends

thank you to everyone who has responded to my posts.

i really appreciate all of the support!!

tonight i finally found enough courage to tell my husband i'm never going back.

Anne

Blondie, Razorblade, and Run Don't Walk,

Thank you for the input. I feel more at peace today since getting some things out in the open with the hubby.

One thing I didn't make clear was we don't have any children now. We are in the um "trying" stage. We've been waiting for our lives to settle down first. We've been busy little "worldlings" the past few years. I'm the kind of person who has to plan for everything.

The more I think about it, I think with my family I will continue the status quo. I'm sure my parents have figured out what's going on. I just felt so much better having gotten the words out to my husband. I think that is what was holding me back. Holding me back from what I do not know... But it's like a big weight has been lifted.

The reason I brought up the parents, etc, is that when I told my husband I wanted to raise my kids as "normal people" that means holidays, etc. That's whats really going to start a family fight. That may be a couple of years down the road, but I need to have a plan.

5

What's done is done.

by Anne in

jw
friends

thank you to everyone who has responded to my posts.

i really appreciate all of the support!!

tonight i finally found enough courage to tell my husband i'm never going back.

Anne

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my posts. I really appreciate all of the support!!

Tonight I finally found enough courage to tell my husband I'm NEVER going back. Not that he was suggesting that we do, but I think what has been bothering me is the open ended way we were leaving things. We hadn't discussed leaving, we just stopped.

I told him all of my reasons, and that one of the biggest is I do not want to raise a child of mine as a JW. If he wanted to go back I could play along, except for that. He's a quiet man.... didn't really have much to say about it all. We'll see where it goes. I either scared him into going back, or cut the final cord.

Now for the parents... any suggestions? My parents are hard core. Their whole life revolves around "the truth". I have 2 brothers and 1 sister who are very much the same, but I have one D/F sister, and my youngest brother has never been baptised and never will.

My parents do maintain a relationship with my D/F sister, but they say it's because of my neice.

The only thing I could ever be D/F for would be posting on this site (come and get me). I don't feel a need to D/A. We have been doing a slow fade for a little over 2 years now and have only had the "privelege" of one sheparding visit. I think we will be left alone.

Do I just continue to float with my family and have them think I was just stumbled/lazy or something? I think they've figured out that I have no intention of starting up again. I know my mom in particular does not want to push things because of my temper. (She knows I don't react well when feeling manipulated). Or should I let them know how things stand?

Then there is the mother-in-law. Out of her 6 children, only one is active in "the truth". You would think she would be used to it, but I think she blames me for leading her baby astray.

Thinking on paper....I appreciate any help or personnal experience.

31

Tell Us About Your Culture!

by MrMoe in

jw
friends

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/15/52295/750641/post.ashx#750641

sparked something!

many americans are... well... mutts.

Anne

Mr. Moe,

I wonder how far back we'd have to go to find out if we're related? Bohemia isn't a very big region. My dad is full blood Bohemian, both of his parents were children of immigrants who settled in southern Minnesota. I can relate to what you said about the blood line being strong. I don't look anything like my mom, but if I look at a picture of my great-grandmother I'm a carbon copy (only about 6 inches taller.) Growing up I was always being asked what I was because of the ethnic look of my face.

My mom is a true mutt. She's German, Italian, Norwegian, and Lakota Sioux, with who know's what else in there.