The problem is you are addicted to the thought of being one of "God's Chosen People" and frankly you don't want to give that up. Most of us here understand that feeling. You make up these distinctions in order to hang on to that label.
Unfortunately the truth is - this isn't and never was "God's Organization"- you and I and the rest on this thread were never "God's Chosen People". Bitter pill I know.
The next thought-stopper is "Where shall I go?". The truth about that is - nobody has all the answers. JW's are used to thinking in terms of someone or some group having all the answers. That was never the case. I don't know what's up - you don't know what's up - the GB also doesn't have a clue. One thing that helped me at the beginning come to terms with suddenly being aware of so many unanswered questions was the thought "The GB doesn't know either". This made me feel better. I was now equal to the overlords. Equally clueless.
The question instead of "Where shall I go?" should instead be "In what direction should I move?".
The answer is always to move away from those that abuse and toward those that empower, encourage, and inspire.
It is my opinion that if God wants to be found, he won't be wearing wolf's clothing.
-TE