Posts by absolutelynoone

These are getting good. Let's keep adding and then we can compile a doozie list to send to David Letterman's top 10. There really is a site where you can do that.

how about: Tell them you'll listen to their message if they can recite the pledge of allegiance.
(someone actually did this to me once when I was a kid in service. I started to recite it and my mom smacked the back of my head and said, "come on, he's not interested".)

or ask while covetously feeling the fabric of their suit or dress, "What size do you wear?"

or you could answer the door with a camera in hand and take their picture before any words are exchanged.

33

Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door

by absolutelynoone in

jw
friends

10. when they ask, "can i talk to you about god?

" reply, "sure, what would you like to know?

9. answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "i'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour?

absolutelynoone

Good one ChiChi,

12. Lean seductively against the door frame and say,"Hey, big brother man, is that a Truth book in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Of course, knowing some of the dubs, this may backfire.

C'mon guys, antie up. Let's grow the list. heh heh

33

Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door

by absolutelynoone in

jw
friends

10. when they ask, "can i talk to you about god?

" reply, "sure, what would you like to know?

9. answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "i'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour?

absolutelynoone

thanks, Dutchie and Dawn.

As you can see I'm a newbie, but the stuff I've gotten to read on this board has kept me in front of the computer for days. I'm really enjoying this. It's cathartic. I've wanted so much to vent over the past ten years. :o) What a forum!

Absolutely

33

Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door

by absolutelynoone in

jw
friends

10. when they ask, "can i talk to you about god?

" reply, "sure, what would you like to know?

9. answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "i'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour?

absolutelynoone

10. When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

9. Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

8. Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!

7. Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.

6. Tell them that you've "been there. done that." and that if they want to know more they can look up your posts on jehovahs-witness.com.

5. Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country

4. A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...

3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.

2. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.

1. Invite them in to see your fine collection of bongs.

9

Two Witness Rule Revisited

by dungbeetle in

...the dungbeetle way.. for the benefit of all the gazillion 'incoming wounded' we have here at jw.com, here is the watchtower molestation issue in a 'dungbeetle' nutshell.

and just to be fair, i will only deal with that information generally available to jw's.

the internal watchtower documents (boe and personal letters from watchtower) are extremely revealing, but they are not available generally to jw's, let alone the public.. 1)much before 1985, an adult jw having raped or molested a child, even a very young one, wasn't considered important enough to devote much time and space in watchtower's literature to the subject.. 2)in 1985, in response i understand to a series of scandals that rocked bethel and are documented elsewhere, watchtower comes out with this gem:.

absolutelynoone

****Quote from the letter to all congregations following recent news reports -- What enables us to maintain our happy spirit? For one thing, we fear Jehovah and we deeply respect the admonition in His Word, including what the Bible says on sexual matters. (1 Corinthians 6:9,10; Hebrews 13:4) At first, it was not easy for some of us to bring our lives into harmony with Jehovah's elevated standards. We had to make significant changes in our lifestyle before we could qualify for membership in Jehovah's clean, spirit-directed organization. Was it worth the effort? Absolutely! How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!****

First, I was a victim of abuse as a child, my sister was as well. Our uncle, a witness at the time, tormented us physically, sexually, and emotionally for at least a year, while he lived with us. On more than one occasion he threatened our lives at knife point. I remember him laying my sister on the dining table and threatening to cut her throat while he did unspeakable things to her and while I curled up on the floor and cried. To this day I've never told anyone who might be able to do anything about it. Neither has my sister. We are both x-dubs. Our lives have been a furious struggle to climb over that hill. As children, I was five my sister was eight, we were too terrified to tell even our parents, let alone a body of elders. To look into the eyes of a person who has mustered the courage to bring report of such abuse to the light and tell them that a second witness is required is so incredibly pharisaically legalistic, it makes me cringe. The testimony of an abused child should count as the testimony of ten men. For indeed, it takes the courage of ten men to bring such a story forward. The abject shame of confessing such a thing is something that no one other than another victim could understand.

This paragraph of the organizations letter just infuriates me. I can just picture them all waiting like drones for the society's response to be handed down from the "platform". This second paragraph just oozes selfrighteous pus, doesn't it? "We had to make changes to our lifestyle before we could qualify for membership in Jehovah's clean, spirit-directed organization." Every time I read society copy I just want to puke. It's so unbelievable that anyone could swallow this crap. Especially in response to a report like the one on 48 hours. This line here is a personal favorite: "How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!" I was a witness. For 17 miserable years. I don't remember a single moment where I or any of the others could have uttered such a line and not felt like an incredible hypocrite. RIGHTEOUS REQUIREMENTS - give me a break. What are they talking about? You know I have to share a scripture in response to that dribble. You all know what the Witnesses consider to be righteous requirements. Well, here is what the living Word has to say about it: Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."(NIV) I ask, where is the justice for the silent lambs? And, how on this green earth could a statement like, "How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!" ever be considered humble?

9

Two Witness Rule Revisited

by dungbeetle in

...the dungbeetle way.. for the benefit of all the gazillion 'incoming wounded' we have here at jw.com, here is the watchtower molestation issue in a 'dungbeetle' nutshell.

and just to be fair, i will only deal with that information generally available to jw's.

the internal watchtower documents (boe and personal letters from watchtower) are extremely revealing, but they are not available generally to jw's, let alone the public.. 1)much before 1985, an adult jw having raped or molested a child, even a very young one, wasn't considered important enough to devote much time and space in watchtower's literature to the subject.. 2)in 1985, in response i understand to a series of scandals that rocked bethel and are documented elsewhere, watchtower comes out with this gem:.

absolutelynoone

****Quote from the letter to all congregations following recent news reports -- What enables us to maintain our happy spirit? For one thing, we fear Jehovah and we deeply respect the admonition in His Word, including what the Bible says on sexual matters. (1 Corinthians 6:9,10; Hebrews 13:4) At first, it was not easy for some of us to bring our lives into harmony with Jehovah's elevated standards. We had to make significant changes in our lifestyle before we could qualify for membership in Jehovah's clean, spirit-directed organization. Was it worth the effort? Absolutely! How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!****

First, I was a victim of abuse as a child, my sister was as well. Our uncle, a witness at the time, tormented us physically, sexually, and emotionally for at least a year, while he lived with us. On more than one occasion he threatened our lives at knife point. I remember him laying my sister on the dining table and threatening to cut her throat while he did unspeakable things to her and while I curled up on the floor and cried. To this day I've never told anyone who might be able to do anything about it. Neither has my sister. We are both x-dubs. Our lives have been a furious struggle to climb over that hill. As children, I was five my sister was eight, we were too terrified to tell even our parents, let alone a body of elders. To look into the eyes of a person who has mustered the courage to bring report of such abuse to the light and tell them that a second witness is required is so incredibly pharisaically legalistic, it makes me cringe. The testimony of an abused child should count as the testimony of ten men. For indeed, it takes the courage of ten men to bring such a story forward. The abject shame of confessing such a thing is something that no one other than another victim could understand.

This paragraph of the organizations letter just infuriates me. I can just picture them all waiting like drones for the society's response to be handed down from the "platform". This second paragraph just oozes selfrighteous pus, doesn't it? "We had to make changes to our lifestyle before we could qualify for membership in Jehovah's clean, spirit-directed organization." Every time I read society copy I just want to puke. It's so unbelievable that anyone could swallow this crap. Especially in response to a report like the one on 48 hours. This line here is a personal favorite: "How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!" I was a witness. For 17 miserable years. I don't remember a single moment where I or any of the others could have uttered such a line and not felt like an incredible hypocrite. RIGHTEOUS REQUIREMENTS - give me a break. What are they talking about? You know I have to share a scripture in response to that dribble. You all know what the Witnesses consider to be righteous requirements. Well, here is what the living Word has to say about it: Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."(NIV) I ask, where is the justice for the silent lambs? And, how on this green earth could a statement like, "How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!" ever be considered humble?

21

JW BLOWS WHISTLE!

by bay64me in

jw
friends

thought i'd share some of my experiences with you all!.

sister x, was somewhat of an enigma in the congregation, certainly a 'one-off'!

allegedly she suffered from an 'illness' that incapacitated her at strangely convenient times!

absolutelynoone

Welfare dubs, unite! Hey! What's wrong with a big fat greasy grilled government cheese sandwich? And now that foodstamps are handled with patriotic looking credit cards, even the most self-respecting dub can proudly walk into the corner market and buy sack lunch items for the coming weekend's witnessing work! How grateful the world should be that there are those willing to forgoe insignificant meaningless work like ordinary day jobs in order to spread the good news that all who are not in God's earthly organization are going to die miserable stinking rotten deaths at the hand of our lord on the coming day of judgement. What a happy people are we in the care and direction of God's faithful and discreet slave. What pleasure it will bring us to see the ruin and distruction of this worldly system of things whose fat tit we've sucked dry in order to bring the good news of it's rapidly approaching demise. We can hold our heads high!

43

Congregation Letter 5-24-02

by silentlambs in

jw
friends

christian congregation.

of jehovah's witnesses.

2528 route 22 patterson ny 12563-2237 phone (845) 306 1100 .

absolutelynoone

What enables us to maintain our happy spirit? For one thing, we fear Jehovah and we deeply respect the admonition in His Word, including what the Bible says on sexual matters. (1 Corinthians 6:9,10; Hebrews 13:4) At first, it was not easy for some of us to bring our lives into harmony with Jehovah's elevated standards. We had to make significant changes in our lifestyle before we could qualify for membership in Jehovah's clean, spirit-directed organization. Was it worth the effort? Absolutely! How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!

First, I was a victim of abuse as a child, my sister was as well. Our uncle, a witness at the time, tormented us physically, sexually, and emotionally for at least a year, while he lived with us. On more than one occasion he threatened our lives at knife point. I remember him laying my sister on the dining table and threatening to cut her throat while he did unspeakable things to her and while I curled up on the floor and cried. To this day I've never told anyone who might be able to do anything about it. Neither has my sister. We are both x-dubs. Our lives have been a furious struggle to climb over that hill. As children, I was five my sister was eight, we were too terrified to tell even our parents, let alone a body of elders. To look into the eyes of a person who has mustered the courage to bring report of such abuse to the light and tell them that a second witness is required is so incredibly pharisaically legalistic, it makes me cringe. The testimony of an abused child should count as the testimony of ten men. For indeed, it takes the courage of ten men to bring such a story forward. The abject shame of confessing such a thing is something that no one other than another victim could understand.

This paragraph of the organizations letter just infuriates me. I can just picture them all waiting like drones for the society's response to be handed down from the "platform". This second paragraph just oozes selfrighteous pus, doesn't it? "We had to make changes to our lifestyle before we could qualify for membership in Jehovah's clean, spirit-directed organization." Every time I read society copy I just want to puke. It's so unbelievable that anyone could swallow this crap. Especially in response to a report like the one on 48 hours. This line here is a personal favorite: "How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!" I was a witness. For 17 miserable years. I don't remember a single moment where I or any of the others could have uttered such a line and not felt like an incredible hypocrite. RIGHTEOUS REQUIREMENTS - give me a break. What are they talking about? You know I have to share a scripture in response to that dribble. You all know what the Witnesses consider to be righteous requirements. Well, here is what the living Word has to say about it: Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."(NIV) I ask, where is the justice for the silent lambs? And, how on this green earth could a statement like, "How happy we are to be living in harmony with God's righteous requirements!" ever be considered humble?

46

Love, Marriage and Leaving JWs?

by non_trias_theos in

jw
friends

have you ever heard bitter divorcees relate their experiences about their former husbands or wives?

most of the time, if it is a wife telling the story, her former husband could not do anything right.

he was a terrible father, lover, provider, cook, gardener and he smelled funky and was abusive.

absolutelynoone

This is my first post on this site. I have done quite a bit of reading before finally deciding to wheigh in. I have to ask myself, what is it exactly that NoN hopes to accomplish. Does he have any other goal than to esteem himself in his great righteousness? His mentality reminds me of a character that was always so present in the witnesses that I remember as a youth. I remember as a child riding around in the station wagon with our patent leather shoes and clip-on ties. I remember one man, an elder, that NON reminds me of very much. He used to take great pleasure in befuddling the unsuspecting victims whose homes we would disrupt on Saturday mornings. We would walk away from the door and he would chuckle and say, "Heh heh, I sure had that poor goat on the ropes." As we would drive by small humble little churchs in the unassigned territory he would point them out to our little group in the car and say, "there's another goat shed! one day that steeple will be struck with the lightning of Jehovah and an earthquake will swallow up the rest." It gave him pleasure to think that he had found the fountain of truth, that he was a bearer and protector of some great secret. HE WAS A PHARISEE! "I thank thee, Oh Lord that I am neither a woman or a bondslave" Nose in the air. Even as a child I thought this man an ass. Driving around in his little beat up Datsun condemning "materialism". What a joke. He would have gladly given up that rattling piece of junk for a real car. In fact he used to point out the homes of the affluent as something we could either choose to inhabit or destroy after God destroyed all the bad people. What he was doing was trying to justify his simpleness. It was nothing he could escape and he knew it. He had no marketable skills. His only success could be found at the Kingdom Hall. There he knew what to say and how to act. There he had been tip-toed through the scriptures of a decidely slanted bible and shown the "great truths" that had somehow eluded myriads of smarter men that had studied the word through the ages before him. I mean, when I look back on this today, I think to myself, how truly pathetic the lives of the witnesses are.

About five years ago, my sister had her second baby. She was beautiful. But the delivery brought complications that required that she have a hysterectomy. During this procedure the doctor made a mistake and cut one of her major arteries. That led to further complications that had my sister in the hospital for weeks. She nearly died more than once. Had it not been for transfusions, she would have died. This same elder that I mentioned above,came in and told her to give it up. Her husband was at home with a new baby and her three year old sister. I heard that he had been there and I immediately went to my sister's side. She was in such turmoil. I begged with her to look at other scriptures. I shared them with her. It became clear to her that this issue, like so many other issues that witnesses create, are simply devisive, family-splitting traps. Think about it. So much of the dogma that is handed down from the GB has only one purpose. To divide members from their non-believing family members. To create a wedge that renders new converts alone and needy. To increase the control that the WTBTS can have over them. Christmas, smoking, birthdays, and doctrine that flies so in the face of normal and sensible scriptural reasoning that they are naturally outcast. Then they are told to revel in it -- to recognize that only God's Chosen People are persecuted. I really used to believe while growing up that witnesses were the only people in the world that were persecuted. I even thought the holocuast was about JWs. sheesh.

NON if you really are an active JW and you really do believe what you've been posting on this site, I'll say this. Your days as a JW are numbered. You obviously have too much intelligence to continue in this manner. While the stuff your saying now reminds me of that idiot I spoke of earlier. I think you're smarter than he was. I certainly hope that your heart is softer.

My God is Love