Posts by absolutelynoone

23

i have been seeing a jw

by chineseprincess in

for about 2 months i have been seeing a jw male.

he is as sweet as can be.

he just makes my heart melt.

WT at it again...cross or stake?

by dungbeetle in

just found this on the watchtower website:.

http://www.watchtower.org/library/rq/index.htm?article=article_11.htm.

cross: jesus did not die on a cross.

I don't see how it possibly matters. I mean the important thing is Jesus died for us right? Not what he died on. This is just another one of those things the WTS promotes to further divide new converts from their more mainstream relatives who might talk some sense into them. As for the nails thing-- Thomas asked to see the holes in his hands where the nails had peirced him. Since nails is plural this might further support the idea they where nailed seperately from one another as on a cross-beam.

If Noah lived in the US today.

by absolutelynoone in

exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds .

covered the earth and all the seas of the earth .

went into a tumult.

absolutelynoone

"Remember" said the Lord, "You must complete the
Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds
covered the earth and all the seas of the earth
went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was
sitting in his front yard weeping.

"Noah," He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did
my best, I really tried, but..............................
there were LOTS of BIG problems.

1. I had to get a permit for construction and

2. your plans did not comply with the codes.

3. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
the plans.

4. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether
or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system
and flotation devices.

5. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was
violating zoning ordinances by building the
Ark in my front yard,

6. So I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission.

7. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on cutting trees to
protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced
the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood
to save the owls.

8. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't
let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

9. The carpenters formed a union and went out on
strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with
the National Labor Relations Board before
anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I
have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

10. When I started rounding up the other animals, I
got sued by an animal rights group. They objected
to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

11. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA
notified me that I could not complete the Ark
without filing an environmental impact statement
on your proposed flood. They didn't take very
kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction
over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

12. Then the Army Engineers demanded a map of the
proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

13. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission that I am practicing discrimination
by not taking Godless, unbelieving people aboard!

14. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm
building the Ark in preparation to flee the
country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice
from the state that I owe them some kind
of user tax as I failed to register the Ark as
a "recreational water craft."

15. Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an
injunction against further construction of the Ark,
saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is
a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for
another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and
the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the
sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The
government already has."

60

What's the one thing you miss about the WTS?

by Naeblis in

jw
friends

there are times when ilook back fondly on my days in the witnesses, especially when i think on the congregation get togethers we would have every once in awhile (not too often) people from our hall and sometimes others would show up (not too many) and good times were had by all.

this is how the schedule usually went.. 8pm: arrive at the community centre.

8:05pm: scope the room.

absolutelynoone

I miss being a social pariah all the way through school. It was so cool to be the only kid that refused to do anything patriotic, religious, or fun.

38

what is your favorite movie?

by airwlk149 in

jw
friends

what is everyone's favorite movie?.

and why?.

mine is 'never been kissed' with drew barrymore because that was me in high school!!!!

absolutelynoone

Cool Hand Luke -- definitely

60

What's the one thing you miss about the WTS?

by Naeblis in

jw
friends

there are times when ilook back fondly on my days in the witnesses, especially when i think on the congregation get togethers we would have every once in awhile (not too often) people from our hall and sometimes others would show up (not too many) and good times were had by all.

this is how the schedule usually went.. 8pm: arrive at the community centre.

8:05pm: scope the room.

absolutelynoone

I miss getting the newly released publications at the districts. It was like the only Christmas I ever knew.

33

Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door

by absolutelynoone in

jw
friends

10. when they ask, "can i talk to you about god?

" reply, "sure, what would you like to know?

9. answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "i'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour?

absolutelynoone

perhaps you could invite them in begin discussion and then turn on the TV and ask them to apply their bible principles to the lives of the characters of your favorite daytime soap opera.

6

My War Story

by Bendrr in

jw
friends

just thought i'd share this with you.. back when i was in the gulf war, i saw some action.. we were on a chopper that encountered heavy fire, killing the crew and troops everyone but me.

i made it out as the chopper went down, grabbing an m-60 light machine gun, a field radio, and (what a suprise!

) a case of beer.. i radioed for extraction, and got to work on the beer while i waited.. wouldn't you know it, the dang iraqi showed up a hundred strong!.

absolutelynoone

beer -- it does a body good.

33

Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door

by absolutelynoone in

jw
friends

10. when they ask, "can i talk to you about god?

" reply, "sure, what would you like to know?

9. answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "i'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour?

absolutelynoone

that settles it. I'm going to start keeping my digital camera by the front door. heh heh

33

Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door

by absolutelynoone in

jw
friends

10. when they ask, "can i talk to you about god?

" reply, "sure, what would you like to know?

9. answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "i'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour?

absolutelynoone

These are getting good. Let's keep adding and then we can compile a doozie list to send to David Letterman's top 10. There really is a site where you can do that.

how about: Tell them you'll listen to their message if they can recite the pledge of allegiance.
(someone actually did this to me once when I was a kid in service. I started to recite it and my mom smacked the back of my head and said, "come on, he's not interested".)

or ask while covetously feeling the fabric of their suit or dress, "What size do you wear?"

or you could answer the door with a camera in hand and take their picture before any words are exchanged.