I'm still open to the possibility of some higher being(s)' being behind our existence. pistolpete writes that he thinks this being (or these beings) are dead. I have considered that possibility, but I hope it's not true. I still long for some kind of help from a higher source for all the problems (mainly suffering) we have on earth.
I've recently been watching some YouTube videos on particle physics, quantum field theory, etc. It's just mind-blowing. One who has no knowledge at all of such cannot begin to comprehend reality. The more I learn about such, the more I am inclined to believe in some higher being(s).
It's fascinating how our understanding has progressed. For a long time, it was thought that atoms were the fundamental building blocks of nature - that they were indivisible. Then, not too long ago (late 1800's) the electron was discovered, indicating that atoms aren't fundamental. It was then realized that atoms have a nucleus consisting of protons and neutrons. So, for a while, electrons, protons, and neutrons were considered to be fundamental. Then, it was discovered that protons and neutrons are composed of quarks.
According to our current, most accepted understanding, fundamental particles aren't really particles in the sense that many might think. In other words, they are not like little tiny balls or objects; they have no internal structure and are thought of as being zero-dimensional points in space. As best I understand so far, they are perturbations of quantum fields.
It just blows my mind to consider that our bodies and everything we experience come from perturbations of quantum fields. It blows my mind to think that consciousness could arise from such.
Learning more about particle physics, quantum field theory, etc. are making me more open to something I've considered the last few years - that some kind of programming or software could be behind it all.
Kind of similar to what pistolpete wrote, I've considered that maybe our world is just some lab experiment or maybe even something done just for entertainment by a higher being (or higher beings).
The way that math describes the universe is fascinating. Physics (especially modern physics) is fascinating. It's hard to believe that it all just came about on its own. But then, if there is a higher being, it would be hard to believe that he didn't have some kind of origin. The existence of a higher being could explain our origin, but, it wouldn't answer the ultimate origin questions of how and why anything (including a creator) exists.
When you've got some time, watch this video on math:
https://youtu.be/8mve0UoSxTo?list=PLRxEhF7If641_4Slm_A30DK8STmSnle01