Posts by Netty

25

why take the time to "fade"?

by doogie in

jw
friends

hey guys,.

i'm perplexed by something and i don't know how well it will be received on this board but i'm really curious.

why did you take the time to fade away vs. just daing yourself?.

You dont have to be sorry, there are two sides to this issue that is for sure. I am also curious did you have any control over your being da'd or df'd, did you really make an informed decision? With eyes wide open weighing future consequences of each course of action and decide to opt for the "lose your family" option?

i haven't spoken to either of my parents in almost 2 years. i wasn't informed about my brother's wedding until 2 weeks before the date (i wasn't invited). i can go on...

Is this really only a temporary discomfort? Seems like this is something that would scar a person permanently. Thats why, for me, this is way to devestating a thing to knowlingly volunteer for. I have so much sympathy for those who were df'd or da'd beyond their control, because they had no choice in the matter and ended up suffering the loss of their families.

then how real is their love anyway?

I'll be honest, it is a conditional love, and that is a difficult thing to swallow. But again, I still have them in my life at least to some degree.

i would've had to convince them that i was something that i am not.

That has not been the case with me, they know exactly what I am, I wont go to meetings or have anything to do with the truth, They know I celebrate all holidays with my children and do non witness stuff. I am my own person and they know that. Have I gotten into full details, like being on this message board, etc, no way. But I also dont discuss my sex life with them either. There are some things that are just better left unsaid. I was trying to convince them that I was something I was not, when I chose to try and pretend to be a part of their religion and belief system. I felt like a hypocrite then and thats why I left.

I respect your point of view Doogie. I am sure neither one of us fully knew what we would have to suffer through when we left the jw's (each choosing the route that was best for us).

25

why take the time to "fade"?

by doogie in

jw
friends

hey guys,.

i'm perplexed by something and i don't know how well it will be received on this board but i'm really curious.

why did you take the time to fade away vs. just daing yourself?.

Netty

to me, the idea of fading makes me nauseous.

To me the idea of losing my family forever makes me nauseous.

Its all about family! I could care less what other witnesses say or do or how they treat me. And if that was the only thing I had to be concerned about, well maybe I would stand up and get in peoples faces about how I feel. But I must have my parents in my life, period, end of story. Its not quite so easy to say consequences be damned when you know that you will be cut off by your family. I want them in my life, I want them in my childrens life, it is a seriously important thing.

but i just think that the benefits of standing up for yourself far outweigh any temporary discomfort the intolerance of the active JW's can heap upon us.

Maybe for you. You must not have any family to lose. Its quite a different story when you know you will lose your family, that my dear is not a temporary discomfort, it is a permanent devestation.

8

Competitive Parents

by Netty in

jw
friends

i just signed my son up for soccer, he is only 6 and has never played before.

last week at soccer camp, i overheard one of the mothers saying, she had a conversation with the coach.

he said there were alot of really great players this time around, but also alot of really bad ones.

Netty

Does anyone know why I cant see this topic posted on the friends index page? But when I go to active topics, I can see it. Is this where you found it, under active topics. Just still learning the ropes on posting here.

Well shoot trail, I was hoping she was just a special case, but if thats the way its going to be, I really dont want any part of it. I told the coach that, he insisted that the competitiveness of it all does not begin till they are 10 years old or so, he doesnt even keep score at my kids age. Well the practice season begins in about 3 weeks so I shall wait and see how it goes. I really just wanted some assistance in my son learning how to play sports, just so he knows how to play, for playing in the playground at school, or PE (Physical education back in my day, whatever they call it now) or for playing with friends.

I agree about swimming, he took lessons this summer and LOVED it, and nope no compeition at all. He is interested in golf (how cute) but I cant get him lessons until he is 8 years old. That also sounds like a more non competitive or at least not a high contact type of sport.

8

Competitive Parents

by Netty in

jw
friends

i just signed my son up for soccer, he is only 6 and has never played before.

last week at soccer camp, i overheard one of the mothers saying, she had a conversation with the coach.

he said there were alot of really great players this time around, but also alot of really bad ones.

Netty

I just signed my son up for soccer, he is only 6 and has never played before. Last week at soccer camp, I overheard one of the mothers saying, she had a conversation with the coach. He said there were alot of really great players this time around, but also alot of really bad ones. He was choosing his team, and was the way she worded it, glad to get rid of some of the "pathetic kids". GRRRRR!!!! GROWL!!!! She was not talking to me, but was actually talking to the coaches wife. The wife caught the look on my face, (who wouldnt have) and quickly backpeddled and tried to save, and I guess maybe on the surface, she did. She said something to the effect, that well on the other hand, I did notice that even though some of the kids arent the greatest players, they are out there on that field sticking it out and giving it their all.

I turned around and looked at my hubby and said "I dont like what I'm hearing over here" and he gave me a look and said "NETTTTTYYYYYYYYYYY" k, so point taken, shut my mouth. But it kept bothering me, so I called the coach, and he said he absolutely said nothing of the sort, he would never refer to a child as being pathetic, that there is a problem with this particular mother, she says very vicious things about children, within the earshot of the parents of the children, and then just like I did, they end up calling him and he then has to defend himself about something he never said in the first place. So the word pathetic, was her word, not his. Mind you, some of the children being referred to are only four years old...

Then, as I observed her son out on the soccer field, without getting into too many details, in a nutshell this kid is a major bully. Like mother like son.

I wonder, I guess being raised a witness we never got to play in sports or extracurricular activities, at least when I was being raised, (for all I know there has been new light on this). So I dont know the mindset, and maybe I am just being naive and sensitive about this. Is this really the way the world of childrens sports is? But I absolutely take issue with any adult that will refer to a child as "pathetic" Why the need to be so competitive? Whats up with that?

45

Please help! ( I have a question?)

by bsylva in

my question is this,.

and she loves me as well.

however i was baptised as a catholic as a child.

Netty

If you have children, that knocks you further down Nos's list:

1. The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society
2. The Circuit Overseer
3. The Elders
4. Other members of the Congregation
5. Her parents

6. CHildren
7. Her husband (ie. YOU

33

Diet

by desib77 in

jw
friends

anyone have success with weight watchers?.

what works best for you when you want to lose weight?

i guess i'm mainly asking the ladies...it seems like it is always so easy for men to drop weight.

Netty

With me, I have always found that it is that old will-power thing that is more important than any acutal diet I have tried. I think alot of diets out there are good ones, including weight watchers, which I have never done, but plenty of friends of mine have. Atkins, modified is good, I dont believe in too much meat or fat, limiting carbs is a good idea, but I personally dont like the extreme Atkins takes it to. I think eating a well balanced meal, in moderation and mixing in a moderate amount of exercise has been the thing that has worked for me best, as long as I can keep the will-power going. Vitamins, invest in a good multi-vitamin, go to a health food store and ask questions, when I found one that had a good stress formula for women (called GNC's multi-mega for women with 35 ingredients) it helped me lose wieght.

6

The consequences of drinking and driving

by Kenneson in

jw
friends

another example of a tragic death caused by one driving under the influence of alcohol surfaces in san diego.

the death of natalie fuentes should not have happened.

she was a j.w.. see "dui-linked death is twice devastating.

Netty

That is very sad. A little girl here was killed about two weeks ago by a drunk driver. She had been walking home from a park, crossing the street. My son sure had alot of questions about it all at the time, being that it was a child that was killed. Such a terrible thing for her, her husband and family.

35

I am attending an assembly.

by jwbot in

jw
friends

the circuit assembly is coming up in september.

there are several reasons i am going:it is at the maine center for the arts, at my college.

i really like this place, it would be interesting..my mother told me that i would not be shunned ("what would be the point on going?

Netty

JWbot, I have been there, plenty of times, when my brother had a talk or my father had a talk, some will shun you, some will not. If you are able to stay focused on why you are there, the togetherness with your family, you might be ok. As long as you expect that some will mistreat you. That was always my expereince every time I went to a meeting or even to both of my brothers weddings, and one of my brothers 2nd weddings. If you are set on going (I would like to try and talk you out of it, but you sound like your mind is made up), then try to just ignore the bad and focus on the good. GOOD LUCK!!

19

How do I pray?

by Country Girl in

jw
friends

i am still praying, all the time, but i am saying at prayer's end: in jesus name.

do i need to say that since i believe that jesus and god are one and the same?

how does one say a prayer these days.

Netty

I pray and teach my kids to pray. We just start off "Dear God" say whatever in the world we want to say, (with the little ones, its help this one help that one, thank you for the food, and thank you for the TOYS) but then whenever we are ready to end, we just say "amen". It took a while for me to untrain myself to not say in Jesus name, and I dont have any belief reasons for not saying it, I just want us to start our own traditions on how to say prayers, and I didnt want anything that sounded jw, so I dropped it. You dont have to say it. Felt akward at first, like not saying "dear Jehovah" to begin the prayer, but after a while it just all comes naturally. You say what you want to say, and when youre done with everything you want to say, you just end and say "amen".

10

Should I respond ....................

by happehanna in

.

i was sent a scan of parts of last sundays watchtower from my father yesterday and he hadn't really made any effort to talk to me of anything wts in the last year or so.. the watchtower is about spiritually weak ones blondie did a great synopsis on it.. not sure how to respond, in the past when he sent emails about returning i normally ignore them these days and only respond to the family and normal topics.. however i don't want to rock the boat too much with my parents as they are old and really lovely people just very misled, they have been jws for nearly 50 years.. but it hurts me when they say that they pray every day for me to return to jehovah as i am the only one in a very large family who is no longer a jw................ i know that they are genuine and i have hurt them by becoming inactive.

Netty

I feel your pain to a "t". I too have so much I wish I could bring to my parents attention, but as twisted and brainwashed as this cult has them, it would only devestate them, break their hearts. So, I agree with the way you have been doing it so far, this is exactly what I do. yes, it is very frustrating, you feel like you could scream you are just bursting with so much you want to say. I think you should do like you have been, just skip right over the topic, its an email so you dont have to respond, to that topic anyhow. Just write back and ask how he is doing, tell him you love him, something else, but something positive.