Dean I'm so sorry...Been there buddy and it hurts like hell.
You are my hero for the excellent stand you made, you took the high road and believe me the kids are aware of it. Sounds to me like your predicament is worse than mine.....I'm not sure what she could mean about taped conversations......It may sound scary but under certain circumstances the elders will back her for seperation or divorce on the grounds of spiritual endangerment...but you seem to be willing to let the kids go to the synagogue with her if they want.
I'll keep bumping you to the top buddy and maybe someone can offer better solice and encouragement than me.
My thoughts are with you