Posts by Vanant

58

Home schooled witness kids

by stillin in

sorry if i'm stepping on any toes here, but i haven't seen anything positive about home-schooling...at all.

the notion is that parents are taking advantage of the formative years to inculcate more worthwhile values while protecting their kids from worldly influences.

they end up with lazy, socially inept, illiterate duds who haven't a clue.

I was a homeschooled born-in, and I'm one of those socially inept jobless losers that some of these replies speak of. I'm not sure if being homeschooled made me socially inept, since I already had trouble making friends when I was still in mainstream elementary school, and I inherit the genes of a long line of socially awkward or antisocial (think clinical definition) weirdos. From what I've seen, in most cases it's practically a requirement to be awkward or off in some way to join the JWs anyway.

My high school dropout parents did nothing to help me with schoolwork, so I was on my own all day every day for years except for enforced bible studies with them. There were few kids in the congregation, so I had no friends. I wasn't allowed to go outside by myself until I was 18. I had a couple luxuries which were visits to the library and having a dial-up internet connection at home. The WWW was new for most people at the time, so there weren't any articles against it in the WT yet. So I discovered TTATT and was able to fade.

Eventually I graduated with a BA in useless studies, while struggling for years with crippling depression and anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I wouldn't have as much social anxiety or disinterest towards people if I had had more opportunity to get used to being around others back then.

If I think too much about it, I end up hating my parents. I guess homeschooling can be an enriching experience for some families, but mine are proud to be ignorant and brainwashed. The threats, manipulation, and twisted logic they responded with whenever I tried to respectfully express to them any kind of dissenting opinion used to make me feel like I was losing my mind. Their sole concerns were indoctrinating me in their beliefs and keeping me at home so I wouldn't go outside and communicate with worldly people. Because of the years of isolation, I learned to think independently--an unintended consequence as far as they were concerned--but I don't think that kind of experience is healthy for one's sanity. I consider it child abuse and wouldn't inflict it on my own kids, if I ever have any.

68

Throwing the Baby out with the Bathwater Goodbye Watchtower Hello Nothing?

by Magick in

as witnesses who were deeply indoctrinated.

we accepted all of jehovah's witness teachings as a total package, it was "the truth".

there were no cracks in our armor that would allow other ideas, doctrines or thoughts to seep in.

Vanant

This thread is great. It's hard to find this kind of introspective and thoughtful discussion anywhere else. Now I'll ramble on by myself here...

When I left 3 years ago, I went through a transition period of a few months where I wondered if I should still believe in God or join another religion. All my life I was in a status of half-believing in JW theology, and half in doubt. My heart was never fully in it, but even now I still have irrational fears of evil spirits coming after me. During my transitional period, I came to realize that a huge reason that I was never able to believe was because of the reason that JWs explain why suffering exists, i.e. God is in a battle with Satan to prove his sovereignty over mankind. There are a few problems with that, since if God is almighty, why can't he just vanquish Satan in the first place and prevent all of this suffering? My parents acted like I was stupid for not believing it made perfect sense, but it just seemed to me like a big ego trip for their god. My mom actually tried to convince me that God exists because she thought he once saved her went she got a flat tire on a deserted road. I was so angry I felt like spitting on her, because she knew that someone in the congregation molested me as a kindergartener, she knew I suffered depression and debilitating anxiety for years, and somehow in twisted JW thinking, the loving almighty god thinks it's more important to help one person over another person, or any other person being caused pain for whatever reason. I figured that this god who set us up for failure by giving us the capability to do sin, but punishes us for acting how he created us, either isn't worth serving, or just doesn't exist at all.

Therefore, I became an agnostic, since I can't prove things either way. The possibility of me ever joining a religion again are next to nil, because these logic problems apply to all of them. Spirituality is something foreign to me since the JWs were too bureaucratic to teach me anything about that, but if somehow figuring something out can help me, I hope I can learn and find peace someday. One can say my heart is still split into two, because I hate this god whom I believe doesn't exist.

16

Personality Type That Draws One To WTBTS

by searching99 in

i was thinking about this last night and after reading the previous topic about the gb believing or not it has me thinking again.

i am continually amazed at how a "new" religion can cause ones to abandon all previous beliefs and they are never questioned again.

i am third generation.

Vanant

Hellrider, your description of male and female JWs corresponded to my father and mother's personalities respectively to a T.

27

Have you or would you relocate 4 love ?

by oldflame in

jw
friends

you know, i never thought that i could meet someone so much like me.

but i did and right here at jwd, we only live a couple thousand miles from each other but i feel driven to relocate.

not tomarrow or anything sudden but the thought of someone who you know deep inside is you're perfect match is so far away, what else is there to do ?.

Vanant

I'm intending to, once I finish college in a few years. Depending on where my fiance ends up by then, the move could possibly be across the country or even a different continent. I feel this is the right decision for this time in my life . . . I'm in love with someone who shares similar values and temperament with me, and I'm willing to settle down . . . I know that it might not work out, since I've heard of many people who relocated for a long-distance relationship, but weren't able to make them last. Even if it doesn't last forever as I wish it would, I'm hoping afterwards I can still pick up the pieces and learn from this experience. (/currently in a rare optimistic mood)

12

DID Your Parents take action when The Society Failed to do so?

by YoursChelbie in

to any child who is an abuse survivor:.

at some point, your abuser was made known to the elders in your local jw congregation but .

the "elders" did nothing to report the matter to local authorities.

Vanant

My parents told the elders, but never informed the authorities. Afterwards, they pretended like the whole situation never happened.

I know it would've been really hard to go through the whole mess with a legal case and everything, but I guess the upside would've been access to therapy (if my parents hadn't been so mistrustful of worldly psychiatrists). Even now, I really don't know what I would've liked them to do, but I've still never forgiven them for how they acted.

6

Did you ever say/do anything as a dub that went against your conscience?

by BLISSISIGNORANCE in

i ask this question because now that i'm out of the borg and see things for what they are, i have been reflecting on what i did and said as a dub.. i truly believed in the preaching work when i was in.

i believed in alot of the things from the bible.

so for me, the preaching was something i enjoyed.

Vanant

Once I became old enough to realize what I was doing, I felt guilty about going out in field service, trying to convert people to a religion that I didn't fully understand or believe in. Of course, I was a child, so I didn't have a choice not to . . . but I still felt guilty going out door to door especially when I did "bad" things secretly, like read books that had spiritistic themes (fantasy novels about witches and fairies and mythological things).

28

OUR MENTAL HEALTH

by RAYZORBLADE in

no epiphany whatsoever, but i was pondering this subject tonight on my way back home from work.. there are many subjects on the matter of health, and of course: post jw, our mental health.. for most of you, how would you rate your present mental health?.

comparitively, our physical health, depending upon what ails us, we can generally heal and feel better after brief or extended recovery time.. mental health on the other hand, is definitely long lasting.. i've been almost 20 years outside of the jws, but i think it nearly took me that entire 20 years to get where i am today.. sad, but true.

anyone like to contribute their thoughts on this matter.. thank you.

Vanant

For the past couple years I've been consistently depressed. I've also had problems with anxiety my whole life, including panic attacks since I was young. I think this may be due to having grown up with sexual & emotional abuse, the JW upbringing, plus some probable genetic contribution, since mental health disorders are common on both sides of the family. Anyway, I guess things have felt especially bad these past few years from the family & health problems, mental wrestling with JWism, and perhaps the usual adolescent mood swings, too . . . I hope I'll feel better once I'm out of this house, which should be (knock on wood?) next year.

26

Did You Make Excuses For The Jehovah's Witness Religion?

by minimus in

jw
friends

did you ever find yourself having to defend your faith, while at the same time knowing, that your arguments were not so good to begin with?

for example, a person might say,"you people don't take blood and believe in doctors.

" even if we might have doubts about the blood issue, we would still defend our "faith" as best as we could.

Vanant

My teachers thankfully never made a big deal about the flag salute, holiday parties, etc, though I could tell that they didn't like JWs. In talking with peers, I would always try to avoid subjects that have to do with JW beliefs, out of worry that I would be made fun of . . . When those subjects came up anyway, I would try to explain the Society's views, sometimes using the Reasoning book . . . but on the issues where I disagreed with the official view, the thought running through my mind as I made my explanations was, "Why do I have to tell people this when I don't even believe it?"

27

If You Had Your Whole Adult Life Ahead of You....

by Frannie Banannie in

jw
friends

.

if you had your whole adult life ahead of you, what career would you choose to pursue and why?.

i'd choose marine biologist or scientific research.....because i wouldn't hafta deal so much with people's attitudes, marine life is beautiful and fun, science of this planet is interesting....it *can* be a lucrative field, depending on which aspect of it i choose to pursue.... frannie b

Vanant

When I was small, I loved math and science and dreamed about working in academics or engineering someday. But in secondary school, I ran into problems in school, and thought I would do something else... I like foreign languages for their sounds and orthographies, and thought I would find some job using those skills, but since I'm not very good at or interested in communication, I don't think it would be a good idea. Now I think since I may only have one chance at university, I'd like to do something very challenging. I daydream of majoring in civil engineering someday, if I can get through the math . . .

31

Are You Fading, In, Out or Not Sure?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i'm interested to know which category we are in.

i am fading fast and no longer reporting time or going to meetings.

Vanant

I think I must be fading: I haven't turned in time for almost a year now. The explanation I have given is illness . . . However, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep up the fade, because I still live with an MS father who thinks I've had enough time to be sick, and should be getting back to meetings and service now . . . if my plans go well, I should be completely out within a year, though.