I love the things 3rdgen is saying here. My take is this: if you are still "exercising headship" in your home, then your wife has a bit of a point in accusing you of not being a good spiritual lead. If you really want to deal with this in a softer way, that will benefit your whole family, try working to create equality and a true partnership throughout your relationship.
If you both are on equal footing as people, then she will likely be less concerned about your actions regarding HER spirituality. Also, recognize that she may be struggling very hard to get you to change back to the way it was, because she is already familiar with that script. She has been led to believe that it is the "right" script.
I remember when I started telling people "he is not my 'head', he is my partner," some of the looks I got were like I just shot somebody in the street. heh.
Posts by Odrade
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31I need some input: I have come to the conclusion my wife blames me for her lack of spirituality
by goingthruthemotions inso lately my wife and i have been arguing alot.
not big arguments...but more of a bickering.. you see, over the last year i have stepped down as an ms and we moved halls.
last november was around the time i woke.. during this time we still have family studies....but only from the bible.
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Odrade
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Coming out to the closet to your family as an "apostate". Any experiences? Your input would be greatly appreciated.
by im_free inso it's been about 10 years since i have faded out and have stopped believing in the jw teachings.
since then, i have accepted jesus and have experienced an amazing tranformation in my life and have been freed from the jw prison mentally and spiritually.
a more detailed thread about my journey is here if you are interested.. anyways, my jw family lives in another state so they are unaware that i am no longer "in the truth" since i have not told them.
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Odrade
im_free, my husband and I have been out for a similar length of time. For the first couple of years we were very protective of our "fade." After some time though, we begin to question what exactly we were protecting. We decided that over the long term it would not be possible to hide our exit, nor did we want to pretend. If our family relationships were to be tense, we wished them to be tense in honesty, not over some subterfuge. We chose to always answer truthfully when questioned, or else to say "that is a private matter, thanks for not asking again." Whenever we are invited to a meeting or memorial, we politely decline, but we definitely decline.
Yeah, relationships with our parents are strained, maybe broken. But we do not have to hide, pretend, or lie, and that feels so much better.
YMMV. Best of luck.
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Why are they still going door to door?
by Euphemism inhey all, long time no see!.
a friend posted the anthony morris videos on facebook today, and the ensuing conversation got me wondering: why are the jws still going door-to-door in the developed world?.
it's clearly useless as an evangelizing tactic; the wt have recognized that for 20 years, with their "go where the people are" spiel, but they also insist that it's still necessary.. .
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Odrade
I would guess that any studies suggesting effectiveness are based on groups like the LDS, whose preachers are attending seminary, and thus planning on at least continuing to pursue higher education, are committed to the cause, and are moderately well equipped to be effective. I have to believe that the JWs are far less effective than the LDS, especially in view of the fact that for most, a good service morning is one where everyone is not at home.
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Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.
by Odrade inhello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!
i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.
over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.
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Odrade
Thanks Blondie. There are a couple of things I'd love to talk with you about if you have time. No hurry, ancient history. I think we chatted about some local things in the past, but now I'd like to take a few notes, for the sake of some timelines. I still don't know what belongs in the story, but it's just draft zero. I can worry about that later, if I ever make it to edits. :)
edit: Hmmm... I see this board still has a double posting problem. heh.
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Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.
by Odrade inhello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!
i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.
over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.
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Odrade
Thanks Blondie. There are a couple of things I'd love to talk with you about if you have time. No hurry, ancient history. I think we chatted about some local things in the past, but now I'd like to take a few notes, for the sake of some timelines. I still don't know what belongs in the story, but it's just draft zero. I can worry about that later, if I ever make it to edits. :)
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Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.
by Odrade inhello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!
i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.
over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.
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Odrade
Thank you Eby! That's the one, yb1979! I wonder if there is really only 2 pages of Peru? I recall it being more.
Hopefully I can find a copy on ebay or alibris.
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Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.
by Odrade inhello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!
i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.
over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.
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Odrade
I'm sure I don't intend to toil day and night on tbis project, but that's okay because I'm not an elder. :-D
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Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.
by Odrade inhello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!
i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.
over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.
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Odrade
P.S.
If anyone in the Portland, OR area has a personal WT library from which they might consider lending a few items, please contact me.
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Help! Gave away all of my reference library. Need information.
by Odrade inhello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!
i have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.
over the 10 years since leaving the jws, i've disposed of nearly all wt materials i owned, never anticipating that i would need them.
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Odrade
Hello all, long time no see to the old-timers, and greetings to the new ones!
I have a bit of a conundrum, and could use some help from the documentarian crowd.
Over the 10 years since leaving the JWs, I've disposed of nearly all WT materials I owned, never anticipating that I would need them. Recently, as the strong encouragement of my friends, (pushy people!) I've decided to write a family history of our involvement in the WT, (and my subsequent disengagement.) I'm not sure if it will grow up to be anything commercially viable (like a book,) but on certain points I'm looking for confirmation of my recollections. Here are a couple to begin with.
#1: The woman that converted my mother was a member of the 2nd class of Gilead, sent to Lima, Peru. There is a Yearbook devoted to that and some direct information about her, but I don't recall which year, nor do I know if there's a way to access this.
#2: Is there still a library online of WT works, (other than the heavily redacted official WT.org version?) I know the old Quotes site was mirrored for awhile, but haven't had much luck in finding a successor. When I do reference beliefs (although I don't intend this writing to be any kind of doctrinal or argumentation guide,) I'd like it to be reasonable accurate. 10 years pokes large holes in your memory.
That's it for now. I'll take help anywhere I can get it. If anybody wants to communicate with me directly, PM me and I will provide an email address.
Stacey
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Open letter Re: Mr. Bowen, Mrs. Anderson
by Prime in"jws leaders need to mandate elder bodies to uniformly report abuse to the authorities no matter what jurisdiction; prohibit elders from being involved in any investigative process to decide guilt or innocence in place of the authorities; do away with the two-witness rule to determine, as if they were magistrates, guilt or innocence of someone accused; prohibit so-called repentant molesters from engaging in the door-to-door ministry, and always inform the congregation if a convicted or confessed molester is meeting with them.
" -barbara anderson .
this is another reason why the watchtower society doesn't require that the elders uniformly report abuse to the authorities no matter what jurisdiction.
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Odrade
I'm trying to decide if "Prime" (lol) is more offended at criticisms of judicial mishandling, or that a woman dares level the criticism.