Hello.....
I have been working with abused children for over 25 years and I have a few ideas.Some may not be agreed with, but I guess this subject can be debated forever.
By the age of four a child knows the difference between right and wrong. Children will have already begun to test their limits by this age. The parent must provide boundaries.
Let your child know from the onset what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Let your child know what attitudes are acceptable and what are not. Then firmly enforce these boundaries. Above all, do not dismiss direct defiance for which a child must be punished. Punishment is a part of discipline as is reward. Many parents do not want to hurt their children by being "strict," but children at this age need strong leadership. If you as a parent do not provide it, a child will seek role-models elsewhere.
When it becomes necessary to punish a child, do not make threats you do not intend to or cannot enforce. Your child will remember and will begin to ignore you if you do not enforce the rules. Kids have many privileges which they view as rights. Take privileges away from your child, and he or she will take you seriously. Do not make your child go to bed without dinner, but feel free to eliminate dessert.
Spanking is one of the biggest debates with parents today. I think a good guideline is that spanking should be used as a last resort punishment when a child is consistently defying the parent. Children older than eight should probably not be spanked (it hurts your hand) :-)
If you want to effectively discipline your children, they must trust and respect you. By following through with your statements you will earn their respect, but you need to show your children that you love them by spending time with them. Quality time is great, but quantity is important, too. Children are not fooled by material gifts which, outside of special occasions, are nothing more than bribes or apologies.
Some children take longer to discipline than others. You must help your children mold their wills. Do not break their spirits. Teach your children to think about their actions. Model appropriate behavior for them. If you make a mistake, then apologize. Show them that good behavior has benefits. Reward their good behavior or achievements from time to time. Everyone likes to be recognized. Do not reward every good thing they do, or they will expect to be rewarded for behaving properly.
Just a few thoughts
TS
.
