We must be related!! How wonderful to know it's not just me and my unbaptized siblings who have the poster child of "bad moms" out there.
OK they tie for first place!!!
I have finally made the choice to keep my distance from her, for my own mental health as well, and for once in my life I don't feel guilt over it.
That is a part of what took me so long to stop trying to have some kind of relationship with her. The guilt. She knew how to lay it on thick. I think the end came when I stopped playing her game.
My main reasons for keeping contact for the last few years was because I still had a younger sister at home who was being mentally and emotionally abused by my mom and my "identical to my mom" horrid stepfather.
Good for you for being a support to your sister.
My sister is out now! YIPPEE! and she is starting her life in college with a good group of friends. She knows she has me forever.
Bravo
In many ways I'm grateful for my experience. It has made me a very receptive person to other people. I LOVE people so much and I enjoy loving people.
Same here. I learned not to hurt others by not doing all the things my mother did. All those years trying to deal with her and caring for my brothers and sister taught me to be caring and carful when dealing with others.
My mother showed me the extreme of a bad relationship so I learned what NOT to do. Thanks Mom!! Not to say, it hasn't been a GREAT source of pain in my life.......
For most of my life I thought my mother was a good and loving parent. Compared to my father she was!!! Doesn't say much about my father.
Well, once she finds out I'm not a JW anymore (we don't talk presently, so she'll hear through the grapevine soon enough) she'll have a JUSTIFICATION to finally and completely cut me off! oh well....not much I can do about that!
I put the final nail in my coffin when I told my mother I had proof she was in a cult.
I have a difficulty telling both parents this.....my JW mother because I honestly have never had much love for her (and rightly so)...and my non-JW father because he is uncomfortable with emotions so he just gets embarassed if I say it too much.
We must be related!! How wonderful to know it's not just me and my unbaptized siblings who have the poster child of "bad moms" out there.
OK they tie for first place!!!
I have finally made the choice to keep my distance from her, for my own mental health as well, and for once in my life I don't feel guilt over it.
Lady Lee and Freedomlover -
I think we have a 3-way tie. I could tell you stories about my mother that would stand your hair on end. And I have now cut her out of my life for my own mental health. I'm here for whatever she needs, but I will not have her in my life anymore. She is definately mentally ill, but so charming and manipulative that it takes quite a while for people to see it. If ever.
Just writing this is stirring up all kinds of emotions. I thought I was more 'done' with it.
It gets easier. But even after all this time I miss the mother I never had. I wanted and needed a mother to love me; to protect me; and care for me. Mine is incapable of any of those things. It isn't that I want the mother I got that brings on the sadness. It is sadness over the dream of the mother who would put her kids straight.
I missed out. And because I missed out on the things a mother is supposed to do I had a harder time being the best mother I could have been. Made a lot of mistakes along the way. I often wish I had gotten into therapy a lot sooner. But then... back then (20-30 yrs ago) no one really knew how to deal with child abuse so there really was no one to go to.
I used to think that growing up with no emotional support made me a stronger person. I've always been a pillar of support for my siblings and for my friends. And I do think that to a certian extent, it has made me stronger. I never rely on anyone, for anything, ever. I trust myself only. But that's not always a good thing. It took me forever to begin posting on sites such as this one, because I found it very difficult to accept help or support from anyone else. But you can't exit a cult all by yourself, no matter how strong you are. So it's been a learning experience, in more ways than one.
No, I tell my mother how much I love here. I love her (I know this may sound crap) more than I should, given my first 25years.
What I do find hard to tell her is, how her entire life, and that of my fathers before he died without excepting blood, has been to fill the coffers of a hugely powerful and rich corporation, and that all her hopes and dreams are not going to come true.
I concur......I really have a sorrow sometimes for the motherly mother I could have had and never got. I see moms do things for their daughters sometimes that blow me away because I NEVER had a mom like that. I've had many good friends to help me with this, and I have a dad who loves me. Although he's had his own issues with my psycho mother which led to divorce and DFing for him and then the guilt he STILL carries around because of how much he hurt us kids by his actions of trying to get away from my mom. Luckily, I also had a grandmother (my mom's mom!) who really was affectionate and loving when I was little. She's a big JW so she'll be cutting me off soon too. OUCH! it hurts already to think about that!
In my work secularly, I am passionate about helping other women. I'm all about strong, loving, women! Some of those strong, loving, women in my life have helped tremendously to ease the pain and close the wounds my mother has left me. I am very grateful for such women. I will not raise my daughters the way my mother did.....it's all about breaking the harmful cycles!
I feel so sad at times because of this sort of thing. But you know what makes me happy? That I get to see my son grow up without being trapped by the Org and having to deal with parents under the influence of such looniness.
Sometimes it is so hard to separate what is "mother" and what is "the religion".
For me (and not necessarily for anyone else) I can separate out the religion stuff. I think she was honestly doing what the religion was saying was right. I believe that if it were not for her pre-existing mental health problems she may not have ever gotten involved with them in the first place. She certainly had no interest in religion before my grandmother introduced her to it. She told me that when I was under 5 yrs old she had a friend who was a JW. She liked the person but not the religion.
I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to separate the religion from the person if a parent was in it from the time you were born and that is the only "mother' you have ever known.
Sadly this religion forces people to put religion before everything else.
FreedomLover
I'm glad you have those good role models and supports. They are so very important
GGG
I never rely on anyone, for anything, ever. I trust myself only. But that's not always a good thing. It took me forever to begin posting on sites such as this one, because I found it very difficult to accept help or support from anyone else. But you can't exit a cult all by yourself, no matter how strong you are. So it's been a learning experience, in more ways than one.
It was a huge step for me to start asking for help/support too. It has been healing to get the support offered by so many on this board. And I wind up being surprised that strangers can offer so much - more so than my mother ever did.
