Do you find it difficult to tell your JW parents you love them?

by misspeaches 39 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  misspeaches

  I've just logged on and read all your replies. With all your similar stories and kind thoughts it has brought tears to my eyes.

  I've never had a good relationship with mum from the time I was born. When I was born mum wanted nothing to do with me. She refused to touch me. When dad went off to work she would leave me in the laundry all day which is seperate from the house until dad found out and put a stop to it. Looking back at it I think she was suffering from Post Natal Depression. I used to quake with fear because of the beatings we would get for the smallest misdeamanors. She did it all so that we would be perfect JW children of course. I used to dread doing anything because I didn't know how she was going to react. When I was a teen she told me how much she had hated me as a child and it broke my heart.

  I just wanted a mum who loved and adored me and hugged me and kissed me. Who reassured me and supported me and encouraged me. It's been 30 years and I still haven't come to terms with it. I just feel like I missed out and its killing me.
• 

  tijkmo

  yup
• 

  stevenyc

  
  I worked out it all boils down to separation of church and state - of mind.

  steve
• 

  MerryMagdalene

  me too (((((everybody)))))

  I do love my JW mother very much, and I often want to tell her, but there seems to be an invisible emotional wall there, so that even when I do say it, she just seems so sad because she is already mourning my eternal death. Rather than opening up anything good between us, it just seems to close it down

  ~Merry
• 

  Darth Yhwh

  My father, although not a JW, has difficulty expressing emotion. It hasn’t been until recently that the two of us have been able to share a hug, a kiss on the cheek and to tell one another that we love each other and this is only due to some health problems that he has that are currently forcing him to face his own mortality.
• 

  el jarocho mayor

  Damn!!! I thought i was the only one that felt that way. I "know" my mom loves me, but i dont "feel" it. and then when she tells me that she loves me its hard for me to tell her i feel the same way.
• 

  Lady Lee

  oh gawd miss peaches That just ripped my heart out.

  My mother got pregnant before she was married - a huge sin for a Catholic girl. She married my father and the plan was to give me up for adoption immediately after birth. She says she refused to see me or toufch me after I was born. The nuns/nurses convinced her to see me and then told her she had to tale me home until they found someont to take me. She always reminded me that I was never wanted.

  I grew up thinking there must be something terribly wrong with me because even my own mother didn't love me. I don't remember getting hugs or kisses. Just criticism. And the beatings to behave.

  It was so hard to get to the point that there was nothing wrong with me as a tiny baby. Or later. The problem was my mother.
• 

  misspeaches

  Lady Lee you and I have some things in common.

  My mum too wanted to put me up for adoption. After I was born and she was in her 'hating me' period she started to try to make plans to have me put up for adoption. Of course they contacted my father who soon put a stop to that. Knowing that just adds to the rejected feelings.

  Well at least I am not alone....
• 

  Lady Lee

  no you certainly aren't alone

  I am so glad I am nothing like my mother. Although sometimes I secretly fear I am.

  But the kind folks here keep reminding me I am not cold or unloving.

  Having children also really helped. I knew they loved me.

  So in spite of the lack of love and the blaming me for ruining her life I turned out to be the kind of person I can feel good about.

  And I don't need a religion to hide behind to tell me I am OK
• 

  damselfly

  ((((((misspeaches)))))))

  I was a "surprise" for my unmarried mom, a big non-non both as a JW and in our small town. My non JW biological father wanted nothing to do with me and tried to convince my mom to give me up for adoption. He has never met me to this day and signed away his parental rights when I was still small. I was always told by my mom that she loved me but I could feel the resentment and the embarrassment in her voice and body expressions when others discovered that she had been a unwed mother.

  I always felt rejected even as a child and my relationship with my mom has never not been strained. It's why I stayed in the religion as long as I did........I wanted her love me and accept me.

  I always tell my parents and my JW siblings that I love them when I see them.

  Dams