Another private contribution, much appreciated. I especially like how this person lays out the planned approach to introducing independent thinking to your partner. I'm going spread this information as best I can.
1. When one of you changed your beliefs, did it change the level of intimacy in your marriage, and if so, was it for the better or the worse?
Early January of 2003 I confided in my wife after two months of intense research and what it had led me to conclude. It was one of the scariest things I ever did, we held hands and she thanked me for confiding.
Within a week she had the elders over and I shared my research, she sat in and after they left with the sole conclusion being to trust the GB, she could not understand why I couldn’t.
Over the following months we drifted apart to the point where every night was inner turmoil for both of us. Her weeping as we went to bed and long silence until we went to sleep…at least until I went to sleep.
I could not raise any subject related to JW teachings or religion and she kept pressing for more elder’s visits, more elders visits and more elders visits...they can fix me she thought, I must be broken and need to be fixed.
During this time I continued to go to meetings and stew and fume at every word that came from the literature and talks. I even gave talks and deviated from the outline so that I could live with what I was saying and got the usual, great talk, loved your comparisons and so on….what a hypocrite I felt like. Service was even more demoralizing, trying to sell something you don’t buy yourself is not a good plan for an honest person.
After one full year of drudgery we had a blow out where she wanted me to go to meetings and service even if she did not. She screamed ”Enough of this foolishness, you have to go and serve Jehovah”
I yelled back” Your absolutely right, enough of this foolishness, I’ve attended my last meeting and won’t be going back”
We have never regained the intimacy a loving married couple should enjoy, even saying I love you is still a rarity for both of us…18 months later.
2. Can you share your innermost religious feelings with your partner?
No, all religious discussions are a no, no, unless it’s pro JW.
Her words were” How can I love someone who does not love Jehovah” That stung until I let her know how it made me feel and asked her if she would like someone to tell her occasionally that she was not worthy of love.
3. Does being able to share your religious feelings impact your ability to be intimate overall?
Yes, even more so for her because a witnesses whole life revolves around they’re religion. It’s a wedge that divides you at every turn, especially around any worldly holiday…which seem to be spread out enough to create continual turmoil in the home.
4. I have used the analogy of the "other woman" when describing the influence of the Watchtower Bible and Tract society on our marriage. Hubby also consults "her" whenever he is making a decision. Would this analogy fit your situation, and if so, how does it affect intimacy?
She instead consults other sisters and JW family, she left me for a week when she found out I had discussed my thoughts of the WT with her family. After her return I found greeting cards that were sent to her telling her she was doing the right thing, stick close to Jehovah and he will protect her spirituality and bring me back in time. One day she came home and told me she had a nice chat with a sister who has a wonderful family and husband (that’s nice, I said) Then she said this was her second marriage, the first one ended in divorce when her husband turned apostate.(wonder what they were talking about)
5. Does your partner bring Watchtower materials to bed?
Yes, but we don’t use the bed for much else besides sleep anyway.
6. Anything else you would like to share?
I feel my biggest mistake was coming clean to my friends, family and my wife. If I had read Releasing the Bonds or read Amazing1914 story on JWD (Jim, whom I spoken to several times) I would have subtly laid the plans to get my wife fully engaged in research with me which exposed lie after lie. Only after laying the proper groundwork over a period of months would I have let my true feelings known and then only if she had grasped the severity of all the lies, misdirection and total fallibility of the GB. This is not as easy as it may seem, first you have to break the old habit of accepting whatever is written in the literature and actually doing research. Then you have to break the mind set of stopping the research as soon as something pricks your WT trained defense mechanism and becoming defensive yourself. The spouse must lose faith in the GB and see it as nothing more than imperfect men (possibly with good intentions) who do not have Holy spirit or Gods direction when making decisions.
Your spouse has to trust you more than the GB or the WT or you don’t have a chance, you’ll simply drive them into the arms of the other woman or other man as you say which is the WTBTS.