Interview with God (Let's write one!)

by AlmostAtheist 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  Jez

  
  
  Interviewer: "Are you a man or a woman?"

  God: "I am what you want me to be"

  Interviewer: "Do you have control of EVERYTHING in the universe?"

  God: "I do if you say I do"

  Interviewer: "Are you the only god up there?"

  God: "I am if you think I am"

  Interviewer: "Is there an afterlife?"

  God: "There is if you believe there is"

  Interviewer: "Hmmm, you seem to be avoiding my questions"

  God: "Am I? Or am I answering them perfectly?"

  Interviewer: "Your vagueness is unsettling, could you answer more directly please"

  God: "Am I vague or am I so clear you cannot see?"

  Interviewer: (exasperated) "Ok, maybe I should not have brought you here for this interview"

  God: "Am I really even here?"

  Interviewer: "You are if we want you to be"
• 

  LittleToe

  God's been pretty quiet lately...

  Ah, sorry about that. I have been kinda hoggin him for the last few years
• 

  daystar

  HAHAhahh!! Perfect, Jez!
• 

  Jez

  (double post)
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  LittleToe

  Interviewer: (exasperated) "Ok, maybe I should not have brought you here for this interview"

  God: "Am I really even here?"

  Interviewer: "Hay, that was MY next question!"

  Which just goes to show that God is omniscient
• 

  lonelysheep

  Interviewer: We've seen a lot of these born-again, baptized as adults type, while the majority still baptizes their children while still babies. There are of course, those who like to go inbetween and have their children dunked as tweenagers at best. Is there an appropriate age you think we humans should take the plunge?

  God: Oh, God. I mean, oh boy! All this time has passed and here I thought I'd get away scot free without having to face this. Truth is, I laugh my azz off at the salvation through water services that go on. I'm sitting up here thinking, "pick an age, any age!" Jesus did it at 33, most babies get sprinkled on their foreheads, and then there are those who do it whenever.

  Interviewer: So....when should this be done, exactly?

  God: Don't you get it?! There's no need! That's what Jesus was for, ma'am. You've got your stories all twisted!

  Interviewer: But doesn't baptism mean people accept you and are even forgiven of their sins??

  God: Miss, ya need to refer back to the prayer question for the sins reference. I accept everybody. Just look at all the religious higher-ups around these days!!!

  Interviewer: All the fables throughout time have pointed to baptism as a key to salvation, especially if this world were to end--

  God: Please don't go back to the subject of revelations again. I've already explained that one!

  Interviewer: Um, ok (I think).....

  God: No one's got the holy ghost and has no power over anyones' sins. Ok?! Go swimming all you want to, but stop makin it in my name, and you shall forever be granted...I don't know, something!
• 

  Jez

  Damn you guys are quick! LT..I saw my mistake and edited it for that reason...read the last line again....lol

  Jez
• 

  lonelysheep

  Jez, that had me cracking up!
• 

  theinfamousone

  
  Interviewer: are you the creator of the earth and all things in it?

  God: ALL BUT ONE, THERE IS ONE THING< THAT EVEN I THE ALL POWERFUL COULD NOT CREATE... IT WAS BORN OF ITSELF...

  Interviewer: Wow, what is it?

  God: NOT WHAT< BUT WHOM! IT IS THE INFAMOUS ONE!!!!

  Interviewer: the infamous one eh? wow..

  God: YES, AND HE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN MYSELF!!!

  Interviewer: Are YOU the ruler of the world?

  God: YES, BUT ALAS! ONLY FOR A SHORT TIME... SOON THERE SHALL BE ONE TO TAKE OVER FOR ME, TO TAKE MY POWER BY FORCE...

  Interviewer: Who is it? As if i have to ask....

  God: IT IS THE INFAMOUS ONE!!!!!!! HE SHALL CRUSH ME AND ALL HIS OPPOSERS, EVEN THE MIGHTY TETRA GOD!!!

  Interviewer: Is there anything you can do?

  God: NO! HE WILL DESTROY ME, HE IS BENEVOLANT, KIND AND POWERFUL!!!

  (in swoops the infamous one, and a terrible, but short fight insues as the infamous one beats god to a bloody pulp and takes over the earth!!)

  THE INFAMOUS ONE: YOU MAY NOW CALL ME EMPEROR!!!! I SHALL RULE WITH A MIGHTY FIST AND MUCH LOVE FOR MY FIRENDS, AND MUCH ANGER AGAINST MY ENEMIES.... BUT HAVE NO FEAR, I WILL HELP THE NEEDY AND DESTROY THE EVIL.... OR IS IT HELP THE EVIL AND DESTROY THE NEEDY, DAMN IT, I NEED AN EMPRESS TO HELP ME GET MY IDEAS STRAIGHT!!! LOLA!!!!!!

  Interview: this will be a long millenia... ALL HAIL THE INFAMOUS ONE

  the infamous one
• 

  coolhandluke

  but short figt insues

  haha!! god can't spell