ok i think i finally have made a decision (page 4)

Billygoat

(((Cordelia))))

I made the stand many years ago with my family. They took it pretty hard. I didn't get talked to for many years, unless it was them calling to accuse me of something or another, telling me what a terrible daughter I was, how I was going to die at Armageddon, etc., etc., But I stood firm, in spite of the crap they told me on the phone. And today, I do NOT regret a THING. Was it hard? Hell yeah. One of the hardest decisions I ever made. But if I had to go back and do it all over again, I'd make the same decision. If these decisions were easy, then how will we grow from them? Today, I am still somewhat shunned, but not nearly as bad as it used to be. We have a cordial fluffy relationship...don't ask, don't tell type of thing. *shrug* It's better than nothing and yet (for now!) it's fairly peaceful.

My advice is much like the others. Disregard the boyfriend and family. WHAT DO YOU WANT??? You will never be happy trying to make everyone else happy.

Much love and best wishes,

Andi

Cordelia

ok things are moving along now!

my dad turned up sunday dinnertime he'd been taking some of the elders school. and i was in bed obviously not been to the meetings,( my bf ran and hid in the shed!)

he asked me what was going on and i told him i was feeling like i didnt want to go to the meetings anymore that i didnt believe the society were right esp on shunning i didnt believe jesus would do it etc, he was hurt but ive talked like this before so he just said write everything down and he'd try and answer it, so i've decided im gonna write everything down and show him the way i'm thinking.

anyway today he rung me and said i wasnt showing godly repentance and if i was choosing to see this boy he could have nothing to do with me, i said i love the boy and am not happy without him and want him AND my family, he said its impossiable and i will lose everyone for him, i said thats why i resent the wittnesses coz i shouldnt have that choice!

basically tho he didnt really listen and still text me later that he was praying i'd make the right decision, I just feel so torn, i KNOW what i want is to never go to another meeting again, even celebrate christmass and be free to live with my boyfriend and give it a proper go, But everytime i try and tell my dad that he just sounds so upset and ill, and i feel so bad, like im telling my dad i dont want him anymore,

I know what u are all saying that i shouldnt be bringing the bf into it but if he wasnt there i prob would get reinstated for my family and then try and leave, but thats prob a bad idea anyway,

But my bf won't wait forever its been months and he hates hiding from my ex everytime he comes to pick up my daughter, and i know i owe it to him to just come out and tell everyone i'm sorry but i'm not going to meetings anymore and i am being with my bf,

will i feel better once i have done that and can just concertrate on me? (even if my dad did fall more ill?)

mrsjones5

Cordelia honey, you cant be daddy's little girl forever...

LittleToe

You're just living your life.

You brought a child into the world, and that wee soul has to take first place.
You broke up with your hubby, and that wasn't all your fault, and so you've now moved on and have a b/f.
You were DF'ed, but it's just as well because you don't believe it and certainly don't need it in your life.

These have been things that you could decide.

You can't make people like you or want to be with you.

If your dad decides that he can't tolerate your life-choices, then that's his choice, not yours. It's a separate issue.

Let me ask you a question; If you had to choose between your dad or your child, which would it be?

If the answer is your child, then the likelihood is that his decision is likely to hurt him more than you, and the chances are that he won't be able to follow all the way through on it.

Cordelia

Thanks Ross you are very wise

I appreciate everything you and everyone else has said to me, and i know what i must do, it's just the doing it! i keep almost doing it, my dad has said that he will leave me alone if i am not doing things the right way so maybe thats the best thing to do, tell him i'm definately seeing the boyfriend and then he will leave me alone, it's sad esp when he's not well but maybe it's the only thing i can do for my own sanity!

tijkmo

and tell your dad that when he gets more ill then you will be there for him...that it is not your decision to shun him

and remind him that you may be unrepentant now but you werent when they first disfellowshipped you...and that it is their treatment of you that has caused you to want a different life now...and that had you got reinstated and your family back then you may not have pursued the boyf...but you cant face being alone for another minute...its not about unrepentance..its about basic human needs for companionship love affection and acceptance..the same basic human needs that were given man in gods image and that the organization that are supposed to be representing him are denying you

idiots

nicolaou

I have no advice to offer that you haven't already heard but just want you to know how much your dilemma has moved me - and resonated with my own situation too. Lots of love Cordelia.

Nic'

Cordelia

Thanks tik i have told him i feel this way since they didn't reinstate me, and being an elder he has admitted he's seen another side of it (i've said it was the worse thing they could of possiably done and how can they think it would make you WANT to come back to the 'truth')

nic why what was your story?

also i feel really upset now, my dad has come round tryed to answer a few of my questions (he said history books prove true christians didnt celebrate birthdays so we shouldnt and said 607 must be right coz of the 70 years counting backl)

sometimes it confuses me as he is so certain of what he means, i have wrote down the list of the kings and other things and he said he look into it!

but basically it was so hard he cried on me said it was like i had died and i am throwing 9 months of trying to get back away, (which i am) and said that if i was going to stop the meetings and see the bf then he will never contact me again he begged me to 'do the right thing' and i said the right thing in who's eye's jehovahs or the watchtowers, he was shocked at my attitude i have hurt him so much, i feel so bad but now is my chance to stick by it and live my life the way i want, or to crumble i did say that i will just go back and be unhappy coz i cant stand to lose him but he said thats not right i have to do things jehs way and study and spend time at his house (esp over christmass!!) and it killed him that i stayed so hard and now im worried in case i have done the wrong thing i keep thinking what is if is the 'truth?' what if i am throwing everything away?

did any of you ever feel like that when you were losing everything?

jgnat

There are good and bad with every decision. Go back to the pro and con list and underline what you are gaining.

First of all, once daddy gets over his tantrum, is your personal sanity.

LittleToe

i keep thinking what is if is the 'truth?' what if i am throwing everything away?

You've said some insane things, over the last few months, but that has to take the biscuit...

Maybe it'll help if someone else asks you the question, for example:

Hey, Cordy... yes or no... is it really the "Truth"?

You should now have your answer - go forth and conquer...

ok i think i finally have made a decision

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