Emotional Baggage.............

AK - Jeff

Wifey and I left the dubland fantasy two years back, after a lifetime of that religion. We know we have made the right choice.

I thought I was over all the 'stages' of this exit. This past week I have been feeling great anger over the loss of my 'friends', and the great injustice of the 'shunning' policies. I am getting on with life to some extent, making a few friends on JWD, and some here locally too.

The thing that hurts so much is the loss of my cousin/best friend. I really thought he was above such hurtfulness toward me. We were absolute 'best friends' for 35 years, since being teenagers. Now he will not return my letters, calls, or cards.

I was the minister at his first wedding. Gave him jobs when he needed them. Helped him thru suicidal depression over several years. Gave him a shoulder to cry on when he needed one, etc. Now he just acts as if I was never part of his life at all. I could never do that - how does he do that?

Sorry to rant on this - I know it is the dub way - I know the facts - I taught and lived it for decades - I just think I have revisted the 'greiving stage' of anger again over this. Thanx for letting me vent.

Jeff

jeanniebeanz

I just think I have revisted the 'greiving stage' of anger again over this.

(((((((((Jeff))))))))

It is an intense betrayal of our trust and friendship for people to treat us in this manner. I go through this too from time to time. It is normally over either my father or my 'best friend' Paula. Last time I saw her she was so incredibly snotty to me it was an embarrasment to her own girls since it was displayed publically. I think on some level these people know it is bull *hit, but their entire worth as human beings seems to hang on whether or not they are able to obey the GB.

This is the same lady who cried in my arms when she lost her baby to a miscarriage. We went everywhere together, enjoyed so many hobbies and our families were close. We could talk about everything, normally while working in our flower gardens. I still love her which is the rub. That is why it hurts so much. They can turn off the feelings of love and replace them with anger at us because in their minds we are the ones causing them pain.

It's really twisted, but I doubt they will ever see it. If they do, it'll be hard for them to come around because they will understand how badly they have hurt us.

This whole shunning thing is cruel and unjust. I'm sorry that anyone has to go through it.

J

under74

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Just...all I can say is don't go totally by the whole concept of "stages'" ....it could be a couple years from now that something comes up that sparks something. I'm not one to talk since I kept it all bottled up for some time...I'm just saying, if some feelings fall out of sink with the stages let em out. And don't say sorry.

Will Power

(((I feel your pain)))

That grieving process is a tricky thing ain't it?
I'm currently stuck in a loop that has been going on for years.

My counsellor wrote the stages out on a huge (I mean huge) paper for me to see in black & white. Believe it or not it actually helps to look at it every now and then. When I see the characteristics & feelings attached to each stage and how they can and very often do invite retreat to earlier stages, it is actually strengthening my resolve to get all the way thru this time. Somehow I feel that some good MUST come from all this pain - so I am constantly looking. (Jgnat - wink wink, nudge, know what I mean)

quickly, here they are again.

Stasis (normal life at the time)
SHOCK - loss
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Depression
Expression (real sadness, emotional let go)
Acceptance
Resolution

Be good to yourself
will power

AK - Jeff

It is an intense betrayal of our trust and friendship for people to treat us in this manner. I go through this too from time to time. It is normally over either my father or my 'best friend' Paula. Last time I saw her she was so incredibly snotty to me it was an embarrasment to her own girls since it was displayed publically. I think on some level these people know it is bull *hit, but their entire worth as human beings seems to hang on whether or not they are able to obey the GB.

RIght on the money JB. Thanx for your concern. I am really fine, but just kind of hit that 'anger' wall again. It is just so damn frustrating to think how many years of out lives we tied up in these relationships to have severed so lightly. Thanx for the hug.

I'm just saying, if some feelings fall out of sink with the stages let em out. And don't say sorry

U74 - thanx for that too. i really do not stay bottled up - but it just seemed to come from nowhere this week. Next week things will prob be back to normal in that respect. Who knows. This process of healing takes time that is all. Thanx again for the support.

Thanx Willpower for that too. I am never sure where I am on the list. Jeff

Beachbender

And just what kind of lesson are we suppose to be learning from this process as human beings?

mrsjones5

survival skills?

coolhandluke

Strangely, the love ones lost in our lives visibly appear to shore themselves up when they see us. Theyrationalize their behavior that in all honesty goes against their own person. If it makes it any easier I'm sure your cousin truly feels the struggle within himself about you. Remember how we were trained to feel sorry for those "lost" to this system of things. Hard to do but remember the mindset and let that help you see him for what he was and perhaps may be to you in the future. One of the things that I learned from my best friend who is still an elder is never lose your hope. Sometimes its all we have. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me and I'll give you my number. We can talk on my dime.

Dominick

garybuss

You wrote: how does he do that?
He's a prick! Be glad to be rid of him. If you get a chance, let him know.

coolhandluke

He's a prick! Be glad to be rid of him.

Gary! Be nice man. We all grieve in our own way. Writing people off doesn't work for all of us. Who knows how deep the emotional bond is between Jeff and his cousin. To judge with our own eyes is wrong my man. Isn't one of the definitions of empathy anothers feelings in our body? Jeff is down. What does it do to day what you did to him. I doubt that he feels better now.

CHL (of the what the world needs now is love sweet love class)

Emotional Baggage.............

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