Emotional Baggage.............

by AK - Jeff 35 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Jez

  
  A couple of things:

  You change, they don't. It is doubtful that even if it was 'allowed' that you could be friends with 'old' friends anyways. It requires a humbling apology on their part, that they were wrong to shun you, and for the most part, that will never happen.

  Secondly, I shunned my sister for years. I loved her and ached for her every single day. I hated what I was doing, but mass-thinking dictated my every move. I really believed it was helping her see the error of her way and that she would come back to everlasting life. I would have died for her, and shunning her felt like it. I now know how wrong I was, current shunners don't know how wrong they are. I feel sorry for them and I am not angry anymore. When I got df'ed, I went to my sister and begged for forgiveness, swore I would make it up to her etc. She did not ask one thing of me, rather welcomed me back with open arms and we have been getting closer and closer as the years go by. And all that time, I thought I was the amazing Christian. I was clueless.

  Jez
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  AK - Jeff

  Golf, Misspeaches, Jez, and Martin -

  All great thoughts. Like you all, we know we have done the right thing. We are the one's blessed by God for leading us out of the 'Lie'. We cannot pass any judgment on these poor souls so mislead by the convoluted thinking of the organization. We love them , but know that relationships with them are in the past.

  I wish you all lived close by and could come by and have a little turkey with us on Thursday. You are showing such kindness by your comments. We really do appreciate all of you.

  As Ozzie stated so well, and I tell myself everyday - Glorious Freedom.!

  I have been looking for opportunities to 'widen out' recently and I think it has been a 'double edged sword' - while aiding a move ahead, it is also evoking some memory pain of those we have had to leave behind. Overall we are doing just fine - just had a reflective morning and a little pain. Thank you all for being such good and decent people -dare I say friends? Thanx

  Jeff
• 

  willyloman

  On some level I think many JWs know something is not quite right. And for those of us who have left we aren't afraid to talk about it anymore. BUT THEY STILL ARE AFRAID. And they know the risks of having too much information.

  LadyLee: This is quite profound and a wonderful analogy. That's exactly what I've been thinking; thanks for putting into words for me!

  Jeff: We're all in that boat. Knowing and recognizing the "steps" someone posted is very helpful -- knowledge is power! We have a long-term family friend who's a dub; she was my wife's best friend for three decades, they'd been through thick and thin together, and she started to shun us even BEFORE we stopped going to meetings. Why? My wife had a long talk with her about her personal doubts! The woman sent my wife a letter criticizing her for what she was thinking and telling her how "worried" she was about her. After that, she just moved out of our life. I'm sure there's a special place in hell for her, but it's not much consolation.
• 

  damselfly

  So sorry that you are cycling thru those stages again.

  Now he just acts as if I was never part of his life at all. I could never do that - how does he do that?

  In my mind it's like those prison scenes where the big steel doors clang down and block the prisoner from view. It's like a knee jerk reaction to our sight. They've been programmed to act this way. And even if they don't want to do it, the pressure to conform is unbelievable.

  Dams
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  lied too

  i to have the same thing happen to me but with some of my family members that i spent everyday with for 22 years. after i got DF'd they will have nothing to do with me. the one thing that i keep in mind at all time is that those people that turn you away for an act of emotion for some one i love "PREMERITAL SEX" that those people are BRAINWASHED. let god or what ever you belive in be the judge and exicutioner. not man
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  Sheepish

  I will add my sympathies...it really hurts, but you can learn and grow every cycle (well put), and it does get better if you work at it. I agree with CHL & Ladylee and others who have said, try to understand where they are coming from. I would add, try to get far above it and see it "objectively" sometimes. We get so bogged down in the hurt and emotion of a thing, we get lost in the pain. Seeing it from their side helps you know it's not "personal" really. They just feel (right or wrong) that they answer to a higher power than you. It should be comforting to know that the only thing they believe is more important to them than you, is God Himself! Hopefully there will come a time when the pain will not be there, just a sadness or pity for what they are all still missing. I strongly believe you shouldn't let them, by the pain they have caused you, drive you to bitterness and unforgiveness (and a slew of other negative emotions), it doesn't hurt them, it only ultimately hurts you.