Hello,
As some of you may recall from other threads I have started on this topic, my sister is engaged in a battle for my 15 year-old nephew's mind, with her adversaries being her Pentecostal ex-husband, his wife, and their church.
I wish I could say that my sister is a great parent and that this is purely a black and white issue, but unfortunately I have to admit that my sister leaves *much* to be desired as a parent.
My nephew, who is a pretty typical 15 year-old boy, is often in need of gentle correction for his sometimes thoughtless behavior. But gentle correction is not what he gets from my sister, not in the least. What he gets from her is constant anger, screaming, accusations, and the like.
A couple of examples:
Last night I was over at their house and my sister had cooked dinner. My nephew loaded up his plate and proceeded to take it out to the living room to eat in front of the TV. Meanwhile the rest of us got our food and sat down at the dining room table. Now there has never been a hard and fast rule that dinner is always eaten at the table over there, although that is usually the case.
What I would have done:
"Hey B, why don't you come in here and eat with us?" To which I'm sure he would have gladly complied. I am certain that there was no malice behind his act of eating in front of the TV.
What he got from my sister, in her usual barely controlled rage:
"B!!!!! ARE WE SOOOO HORRIBLE THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN TO EAT WITH US???"
This is very typical of how she talks to him. This is just a mild example of what imo is a unending stream of verbal abuse that he takes from her. She takes everything he does that she doesn't like personally, as if his strongest motivation in life is to make her upset. She's so immature sometimes. Like last night after B did come to the dinner table, she had to go on about how the only reason he roots for Michigan over Ohio State is just to spite her. (You have to live in Columbus Ohio to understand this). I just feel like saying "for crissakes sis, is the fact that he roots for freaking Michigan *anything* to get upset about or take personally??" GOD I HATE IT!
Another example - a few weeks ago I was playing video games with my nephew in his room. The room was sparkling clean and organized thanks to the efforts of my sister and her husband the previous weekend. But already there were a couple of articles of clothing lying on the floor.
What I would have done:
"Hey B, why don't you pick these up? I'd like for you to keep your room clean." To which he would have gladly complied. I am certain that there was no malice in his act of leaving clothes on the floor.
What he got from my sister, in her usualy barely controlled rage:
"B!!!!! I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT YOU WERE GOING TO KEEP YOUR ROOM CLEAN NOW!!!!!!! WHY ARE THERE CLOTHES LYING ON THE FLOOR?????"
It's almost gotten to where I can't stand going over there. My sister has a TERRIBLE temper, and my nephew bears the brunt of it. And God knows if I say anything to her about the way she treats B, then I would totally be jeopardizing my relationship with her, as she will hear absolutely no advice from me no matter how mildly I try to offer it.