I feel for your nephew, as I do for you witnessing it and not feeling like you can do anything about it.
He's almost like a son to me, especially since I don't have any children of my own.
My sister and my nephew, again
by DanTheMan 41 Replies latest jw friends
-
DanTheMan
-
lisavegas420
Good job with the instant message. I hope she thinks about it.
I'm afraid I'm just the opposite to my children. Oz tells me I let them walk all over me. I guess he's right, but, I'm so afraid of alienating them.
lisa
-
bull01lay
Words just never seem enough. I hope things improve for you both quickly...
Bull!
-
garybuss
Dan, maybe no intervention might be the good way. Maybe just show the boy some positive attention, some acceptance and respect. Maybe you will be his only access to those positive things he needs. It may be his mother can't give that which she does not have.
A back door to helping her might be to help him get some counseling. His counseling maybe can evolve to including her. He's gonna need it anyway. A good starting point may be his school counselor. You would need a promise of confidentially from the counselor. That contact may just involve a referral from the counselor.
Some kids (like me) showed the world that all was well at home (when it was a war zone). It's very hard for counsellors to see past some of these kids who put on a very good *All is well!* act for the world.
Just the rambling thoughts of a snowed in snow bird. I hope it all works out for the best for everybody. -
DanTheMan
Oz tells me I let them walk all over me. I guess he's right, but, I'm so afraid of alienating them.
My sis's fear of B cutting ties with her is so acute that she treats it as a foregone conclusion, and I think a lot of her anger stems from that.
God knows, my mother has driven me nuts all my life and still does to this day. But she's my mother for crissakes, I love her, I would never dream of cutting off all ties with her. It's just not natural!
-
Effervescent
(I'm really a pretty funny guy, but it probably doesn't come across on this board
Actually... the beanie gives you away
You mentioned she complains that he's antisocial and only wants to interact with friends and on the computer?
Has it occured to her that this is because his friends make him feel good about himself, whereas she only tears him down? I think I'd rather keep company with the garbage can over someone so negative as her. (no offense, I know she's your sister and you love her!)
-
DanTheMan
GB, it's funny, whenever I go over there he never says hi or anything when I arrive, but after a while, and especially if sis isn't around, we always have a grand ol' time. And it's not like I let him get away with murder, he knows I have my limits with his shenanigans, but he also knows that if he does piss me off that I'm not going to scream at him.
My sister isn't opposed to counseling, and I saw a great guy in our area back in '03, he really helped me through a tough period where everything was falling apart on me. But he doesn't participate with her insurance, but I think it would be worth it to pay out of pocket to see him, that's how highly I think of him.
-
DanTheMan
I hope things improve for you both quickly
me too, but we'll see...
-
DanTheMan
Has it occured to her that this is because his friends make him feel good about himself, whereas she only tears him down?
mm, apparently not. And he is 15, of course his peers are very important to him right now, her expectations are absurd sometimes. She is so inflexible with him.
-
Scully
Dan,
I don't know if you're in a position to do this, but maybe your sister really just needs a breather for a few days. You could offer to take B for a weekend to do "guy stuff" (car shows, hockey games, etc, or just hanging out with you) and get your sister's husband to take her out for a nice dinner or weekend away or let her go for a "spa day". Sometimes the constant mundane pace of life - laundry, housework, cooking that never seems to end - can be extremely frustrating for a mom, especially if she rarely gets to do anything fun that's just for her. Your sister knows that you're a safe person for B to be with and would probably welcome the break in her routine and come back refreshed. And B will probably have the time of his life hanging out with his uncle. As a bonus, you and B are both spared your sister's negativity for a couple of days. If it works, it might be something you can do regularly.