UBM strategies: Befriend the KH outcasts

by Check_Your_Premises 45 Replies latest jw friends

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  Check_Your_Premises

  In the spirit of JGnat's strategies, and her "making friends" post:

  I have noticed that the KH has a heirarchy. There are the elders families, and young couples that everyone wants to do things with because they have all these things in common. BUt then there are the divorced/older/single/married to ubm women and men. There are the very shy and quiet types. There are the older men that just don't "have what it takes" to be an elder. Nobody really talks to them or takes any interest in them.

  Besides being a decent human being, and befriending the friendless, the KH outcasts provides two interesting opportunities for the ubm.

  First, it is an opportunity to show genuine Christian love. By taking notice and interest in the outcasts, you provide a stark contrast to the status obsessive witness'. People notice these things.

  Second, the outcast could be a valuable ally. The WT world thrives on a lack of info. The key info that a ubm always wants is the "inside info" on all the members of the cong. When you know the history and tendencies of the members, you know what motivates them and what to expect from them. Also as a ubm, you need to know what is said about you and your family. Again, if you are privy to this info you know what to expect from the members. The most important info you want is examples of or how to facilitate JWBB (JW behaving badly). Especially if it can be directed at you, the honest, yet unbelieving mate.

  Thoughts?

  CYP
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  greendawn

  What does UBM stand for? I am sure it's not "united business media" or "united business machines" though these descriptions would perfectly fit the JWs.
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  ferret

  UnBelieving Mate
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  carla

  greendawn, ubm is unbelieving mate.

  CYP,

  That's a great idea for those ubm's that have the tolerance to attend a kh. For me that would be a cold day in hell. One problem with umb's who do go is, don't you then get invited to other jw related functions and are expected to go because after all, you go to the hell and don't have a problem with going and being with them. By me not going he has declined the various parties and such and that limits his exposure to jw's a little. At least on a social level. Yes, I'm sure that just gives more fodder for the 'poor x, being married to a ubm' gossip. The thing about gossip though is it eventually reaches even outside the hell, and sometimes to me and then back to him and then back to the hell. Which just gives me ammo for the unloving nature of the hell and all their gossip.
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  kls

  Bravo CarlaJust as i am a plague to them , they are a plague to me.
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  Finally-Free

  One problem with umb's who do go is, don't you then get invited to other jw related functions and are expected to go because after all, you go to the hell and don't have a problem with going and being with them.

  I'm not sure if this is the case everywhere, but the last few years I was a JW UBM's were not invited to congregation picnics or other such functions. Many times it was announced from the platform that these "get-togethers" were ONLY for dedicated™, baptized JWs and their believing children.

  W
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  M.J.

  Good idea. But if your spouse has limited social contact with dubs in general, you'd probably want to find a way to socialize with such outcasts kind of on your own.
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  M.J.

  Many times it was announced from the platform that these "get-togethers" were ONLY for dedicated™, baptized JWs and their believing children.

  That really stinks. I think my wife would not react well to that kind of announcement. I haven't heard of such a thing. The only get-togethers I've ever heard of were informal gatherings, not announced. No restrictions there. No one ever snubbed me or anything.

  I actually don't mind the get-togethers in the Spanish congregations too much. Lots of music and dancing. Pretty laid back.
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  kls

  I'm not sure if this is the case everywhere, but the last few years I was a JW UBM's were not invited to congregation picnics or other such functions. Many times it was announced from the platform that these "get-togethers" were ONLY for dedicated™, baptized JWs and their believing children

  You are so right. My JW husband would get invites to wedding and picnics and my name was never on them ,,,not that i would ever attend ,but it was like they were trying to let me know i was not wanted and the feeling is mutual.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Terry made some great points about dillusions on another post. The problem with dillusions is they cause us to act in ways that aren't consistent with reality. When we act outside of what is reality, we can usually expect to get the well known "reality check". His analogy is that if you pretend a wall doesn't exist, eventually you are going to bloody your nose, bumping into that wall.

  I think a wall that is easy to bump into is to demonize the JW. Believe me, I understand those who have become enraged by the mindless, runaway train that is the WT. The costs to me have been more than I ever thought I could bear, and they have literally taken from me the only thing that I ever hoped for.

  But I think it is another thing altogether to take that anger, and what the WT is to me which is the greatest enemy I have ever faced, and apply that anger to each individual JW. They are not the WT. They are not even the JW. They are people who are "captives of a concept". They are dangerous. They are misguided. They are your enemy. But they are people. Just like us they have hopes and dreams. And when you reduce them to a one dimensional representation of all that is evil you are seperating yourself, to an extent, from reality. Additionally, when you have hatred as a motivation you actually end up becoming like what you despise. Eric Hoffer went into detail about how this phenomenon comes about in True Believer.

  I guess it matters what your goals are. If your goals are to help your loved one to have the ability to have a different perspective, you are not served by giving in to hatred. It keeps you from behaving in a way that does not feed the persecution mentality your JW loved one. Additionally, validates their concept that people who aren't JW are so unbalanced.

  In context of how you view other JW's, your hatred keeps you from reaping the benefits of the Godfather, "keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer". As an openly raving aggressor you are easily recognized and thwarted. As a cunning, hidden foe you are able to draw close to your enemy and "slit the throat" of his cult mind. You are able to observe and manipulate how your loved views those who influence him the most.

  I guess it is a matter of whose needs you wish to serve. Your need for justice or your loved ones need for compassion and understanding. Just remember, nothing sticks it to the WT like a freed mind. Nothing supports their goals more then the hateful opposer who validates all the bonds of the JW mind.

  CYP