I feel Hassan sort of specializes in it. Much of his stuff is directed toward people whose loved one is locked up in some commune. You can't get more invasive than that.-----------------What he does not deal with is how spouses are supposed to have private conversations when nothing is private anymore.
Edited to add: Think for a moment, about this possibility: you may actually be driving him to his current level of fanaticism. I've noticed that since I've switched over to my current approach, her fanatic level actually went DOWN, not UP.-------------Sounds like blame the victim here to me. I don’t even talk to him about jw stuff at the moment and haven’t in awhile. He on his own asked about a certain subject lately, in a calm manner I explained a little and he said he would check into it further. How exactly is that driving him into the org further?
Whatever you say to your husband, don't kid yourself that your attitude doesn't come through loud and clear. -------MY negative attitude toward the wt you mean? Well, yeah I guess I get a negative attitude about groups that condone pedophiles, spread false prophecies, destroy families, etc… That’s just me though. I tend to get a bit
testy about those things. I also get testy when they have influence over my financial situation, which only occurs after he has spent any amount of time with elders. Then the goofy ideas come and at times I have no say so in the matter. He already knows I have a negative attitude about the org to pretend to do otherwise would be just that, pretending. Just because I say certain things here does mean I even talk to him about them.
I have children at stake here. -------Me too. That’s why I would never let my children near them and certainly never alone with them. Not only for their physical safety but emotional and spiritual well being as well.
JGnat,
There is one other point I would add to this discussion, since it bears directly to it.
IN GENERAL, negative emotions are only useful in the short term. Jealousy, anger, fear... these are usually shocking and powerful. They focus our mind to the danger that we didn't see before.
After that, they don't have much use. They cause us to be unbalanced and unhinged and desperate and out of control.
I have found it is best to use the focus given by these negative emotions to figure out what my situation is, how I got into it, determine the nature of the threat, the nature of the consequences, and then come up with a plan to deal with it. Once I do those things, the raw negative emotions usually give way to a cool, yet resolved, determination.
CYP-----------------------------------------Not sure if you are directing that at me CYP, but I am not unbalanced, unhinged or out of control. I am merely trying to figure out how to get on with my life the best as possible having a spouse who is in a destructive cult. Nevermind all the emotional damage, I also need to figure out financially what I am going to do. Most men do not give up their earning potentials to raise children and take care of the home and family. The person I used to be able to depend on is no longer here so to speak. The loyalty has changed hands. Like it or not, it is the reality. I still don’t think people who have tried the bend over backwards method to no avail should be vilified as unstable, jealous, full of anger, desperate and the like. As I have said before what I say here is not necessarily what I say to him.
Should we not be horrified that our spouse joined an insane cult? It is horrifying. This was supposed to be a place to vent as those outside the loop of jw’s have no idea what the heck really goes on. Villifying and using ubm’s who do not go along with some method developed here, is just plain mean. Not mean, very jw-ish.
