I can see where KLS is coming from, it does seem often on this board that those who have tried the bend over backwards technique and haven't gotten anywhere, are told they must just have a crappy marriage somehow
Heavens to betsey no! We can do all the "right" things, but in the end, everyone has a free will. If the idiot partner won't respond, then, harder choices have to be made! I thought I made that clear that a UBM who sits down and deliberately strategizes about their situation may determine that the marriage is not salvageable!
and the jw issue is just a little side issue.
Just because I make peace with the cult personality in no way suggests I condone their choices. Again, I'd think my long and protracted involvement on this board would make that abundantly clear.
I think some forget there are other ways that have been successful.
If other ways have been successful, please share! I am collecting all successful strategies. So far as I can see, open war doesn't work.
If the jw cannot see any chinks in the wt armour to begin with, they are not ready.
A single visit to the hall would probably point out a few. All you'd have to do is point to it. Just because your partner denies it is a weakness doesn't mean it isn't there.
Jgnat's story of the guy who now became super dad- what it looks like you are saying is that the kids mom has basically abandoned them for the wt. Now dad, who never really took his role serious is now doing so. Great. They gained a dad and lost their mom.
In this case, I did not share the full story. In this case, the children haven't lost anything. This is definitely a dynamic, however, where a partner converts partway through the marriage. The partner AND the children are going to see the conversion as a betrayal.
It's like living with someone with a mental illness. The starting point of reality is different from that of the rest of society.
I've lived with more than one person with a mental illness. I won't do it again. Too much chaos. There are similarities and differences. A mentallly ill person can't self-assess, so trusted loved-ones have to intervene on their behalf when their health goes south. Recent treatment plans include helping the mentally ill learn to self-assess and reach out for help before things get too bad. I think a JW won't admit that the WTBTS is the source of their problems. Those who love the mentally ill and JW's certainly shouldn't downplay the problem. AA can help sort out the mess of enabling.
If your spouse had a severe drug problem wouldn't you try to limit their exposure to their druggy friends?
If my spouse had a severe drug problem I'd close all joint accounts and leave him. Again, someone with a severe drug problem has similarities and differences with someone addicted to the JW dreams of paradise. So how do you control the association of a grown adult? Refusing to associate with them yourself has not curtailed his meeting attendance. I prefer to remove the mystique. Also, they can't demonize me. They are just people, after all.
