by Check_Your_Premises 45 Replies latest jw friends
I am sorry. I'll correct myself. It could be that the introduction of the WBTS in your marriage created a fatal flaw.
If you have examples where righteous indignation brought you closer together and away from the society, I'd like to hear them. I've done it on occassion, but it was very focussed and for a very specific event.
My wife and I met in the group. We had both been raised as third generation Witnesses. We got married just as I was leaving the group. I didn't realize I was in the process of leaving at the time.
I went from a mystical world view to a rational world view in a few months. After I was away from the Witness literature and meetings a while I could see things wrong I had not noticed before. I left pissed off at the Witness people. It really took it's toll on the marriage.
I kind of dealt with all of it by working 7 days a week and 12 hour days. It wasn't long and she got to be with her Witness friends in a new car while I sat at home or worked. Then a new van, then another new van, then a new house, three closets full of clothes. I kind of kept that ball in the air because below the surface I thought I was in the wrong for being pissed because I was lied to and bullied by the Witnesses.
That all ended when I read Crisis Of Conscience in 1992. I took a 7 month vacation from the marriage in 1993 and in 1995 I showed her the underbelly of the Watch Tower Society and the Witness people. She watched a video of a Witness elder disfellowshipping his niece and she listened to two taped JC meetings. Then she read Crisis Of Conscience. She hasn't been to a meeting since.
CYP
have noticed that the KH has a heirarchy. There are the elders families, and young couples that everyone wants to do things with because they have all these things in common. BUt then there are the divorced/older/single/married to ubm women and men. There are the very shy and quiet types. There are the older men that just don't "have what it takes" to be an elder. Nobody really talks to them or takes any interest in them.
Besides being a decent human being, and befriending the friendless, the KH outcasts provides two interesting opportunities for the ubm.
First, it is an opportunity to show genuine Christian love. By taking notice and interest in the outcasts, you provide a stark contrast to the status obsessive witness'. People notice these things.
Second, the outcast could be a valuable ally. The WT world thrives on a lack of info. The key info that a ubm always wants is the "inside info" on all the members of the cong. When you know the history and tendencies of the members, you know what motivates them and what to expect from them. Also as a ubm, you need to know what is said about you and your family. Again, if you are privy to this info you know what to expect from the members. The most important info you want is examples of or how to facilitate JWBB (JW behaving badly). Especially if it can be directed at you, the honest, yet unbelieving mate.
CYP,
This suggestion seems to making use of the outcasts for a goal of getting a JW mate to leave. As one of those outcasts, I would be really pissed if someone were just "using" me. Especially if the friendship was dropped after the JW left.
Who said anything about dumping the outcast afterwards? I befriend outcasts all the time. A friend once made, is mine for life.
Carla,
I thought about this thread alot over the weekend. This response was the one I was anticipating.
CYP-----------------------------------------Not sure if you are directing that at me CYP, but I am not unbalanced, unhinged or out of control. I am merely trying to figure out how to get on with my life the best as possible having a spouse who is in a destructive cult.
Understand that the attitudes I was describing were actually myself, and the issues I have dealt with in my little dance with the WTBS. I sometimes speak abstractly when others are speaking in a deeply personal way. I wasn't applying any sort of description to anybody in particular, rather I was pointing out the possible dangers of certain types of thinking.
I don't know if that makes sense.
I should have been more sensetive to how my posts would be received. I am sorry if I implied in anyway that you are unhinged. Rather I was trying to point out the dangers of letting yourself get that way.
And remember, I want you to help your husband get control over his life. Whatever will work is the right thing to do!
CYP
Hey Serendipity,
You said:
This suggestion seems to making use of the outcasts for a goal of getting a JW mate to leave. As one of those outcasts, I would be really pissed if someone were just "using" me. Especially if the friendship was dropped after the JW left.
Now if you noticed I actually thought of how I was communicating this idea, and I did not want to convey the idea that it would be right to use people in this way. On the contrary, I think that would be kind of, well JW like. I am not going to love bomb someone, and then stop talking to them when I am through with them or find a new prospect.
So to keep from communicating that idea, I put this thought in there.
Besides being a decent human being, and befriending the friendless, the KH outcasts provides two interesting opportunities for the ubm.
Thanks for bringing up this point though. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to misunderstand what I meant CYP
