I'm bitter and resentful sometimes. I get very angry at myself too beceause I totally fell for the WTS bullsh*t and lazily didn't do any independant research on the organization before making the life-altering decision to join this group of brainwashed magazine salespeople.
Discovering that you are not really the person you have always thought you are is extremely painful. To pull from Terry's essay up there, I was a rube; a sucker who fell for the con game because I wanted to believe in a fairy tale with a big pay-off at the end. I thought these people wanted me...that they liked me and saw some unique quality that made me eligible for membership in Jeboober's Magic Kingdom. Its embarrassing and makes me cringe as I type this. What a complete joke.
What really hurts most is that I put my sons through the JW ringer too. Their childhood was warped by a false religion that I chose to follow because I was a naive, insecure, pathetic little person who wanted to be special and thought that she'd found the really true "truth". They didn't get a choice and it was their lives that were impacted the most.
My attitude is getting better as time goes by, though. I'm learning to live with the idea that I was so very, very silly. I hope that I've become a wiser, more careful person as a result. I have apologised to my son, and he has forgiven me. I try not to jump on the JW sympathizers who post on the board any more, even though they still have the power to piss me off with their WTS rhetoric, misguided beliefs and sometimes arrogant rudness. I feel that I am making progress.
This place makes me laugh, exposes me to interesting, diverse people and ideas and gives me a forum to vent and work through things that bother me as I recover from dubiness. This appears to be all the therapy I need at the moment.