My 14-year-old has a same sex attraction.....

by Alana 91 Replies latest social family

• 

  Alana

  ....and I'm not sure how to handle it. Actually, if she were getting too close to a boy, I probably wouldn't know how to handle it either....LOL.

  But, as a parent, I'm not sure how to talk to her about it, as it's something I'm familar with. She listed her sexual preference on a live journal first as straight, then bi-curious, and now possible lesbian. At age 14 I don't want her to be anything....to just be asexual.

  We live in a small, redneck town which will not accept something such as this very easily. She still stays close to friends in our former town, which is larger and near a university city, and appears to have much same-sex dating and attraction.

  Her dad & I are divorced and I am remarried. Her dad & I discussed this and feel that when she is an adult it's her choice, but at this age we are concerned about any possible sexual activity. She has spent the last couple of weekends with this other girl and as I told her dad, if she was interested in a boy I certainly wouldn't allow her to spend the weekend at his house, so I don't feel I can allow her to stay at this girl's house anymore and he agreed.

  I don't know exactly what I asking for, but I didn't know if anyone here has run across anything similar or has any suggestions....coming from a JW background, neither her dad or I want to react as our parents would have reacted.
• 

  Dune

  Alot of girls are confused at that age, its becoming fairly prevalent today.

  I remember a cross dresser in our school and he was only in 9th grade.

  One thing i have noticed is that alot of girls who profess to be Bi/Les (in high school) do it to become more popular. Some are just confused about their orientation.They have "girlfriends" who are just as confused as they are. On there other hand, there are those that really are into that lifestyle.

  Whatever it is, you should just talk to her about it. Alot of parents dont want their children having relationships at that age regardless of their orientation, so it wouldnt be wrong of you as a parent to enforce or set rules in what you expect out of her. Just my two cents.
• 

  joelbear

  i knew i was gay when i was 13 so its not a surprise that she is self identifying as lesbian at 14. i would encourage her to be discreet for her own protection in your small town. although you might be surprised how open small town people are to acceptance.

  i think you should have a sexual talk with her just as if she was dating a boy. she should be educated about the health issues involved. lesbians can pass sexual transmitted diseases to each other. she should be educated about the emotional side of sex and the affects to her psychological well being that casual sex can have. yeah, sex is fun, but there is a reason its for adults, it takes a large degree of emotion to understand it and deal with it.

  for yourself, educate yourself on lesbianism. encourage her to read mature books on lesbianism, perhaps an older lesbian she admires. then she will hear the good, the bad and the ugly of what a lesbian's life can be like.

  there are many lesbians here that can probably offer you more specific advice. i certainly applaud your loving view of the situation.
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  slugga

  She has spent the last couple of weekends with this other girl and as I told her dad, if she was interested in a boy I certainly wouldn't allow her to spend the weekend at his house, so I don't feel I can allow her to stay at this girl's house anymore and he agreed

  I don't see a problem with that line of reasoning, if you don't think your child should be having sex then that's fine. One thing I would suggest to you though is that you point out to her that this is based upon your desire for her not to be having sex and that is nothing to do with who she is having sex with, be it male or female. If she gets it into her head you are being homophobic she'll do the typical teenage thing and become a martyr to it just for the attention. As others have and will point out this might all be a phase shes going through, experimenting with her sexuality or trying to become more popular by claiming shes trendy. However if she is a lesbian try to remember that shes still you're little girl and that who she sleeps with isn't going to change that fact.
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  joelbear

  wishing she was asexual, telling her you don't want her to have sex or trying to arrange it so the two girls can't have sex are all wastes of time.

  you need to ground her with good reasons not to be having sex and let her talk a LOT about her feelings. her ability to talk openly will reinforce her attachment to you and will make her desire to please you by obeying you stronger.
• 

  Saoirse

  At age 14 I don't want her to be anything....to just be asexual.

  Is that wishful thinking? When I was 14, I was anything but asexual.

  I was bi-curious at that age too. A lot of girls experiment with other girls, it's perfectly normal. I think it's all a part of puberty and the changes that go with it. Only she will know if she's gay or not. Whatever you do, make sure she knows you love her no matter what. Don't try to push her one way or another. Let her find her sexuality on her own.

  i think you should have a sexual talk with her just as if she was dating a boy. she should be educated about the health issues involved. lesbians can pass sexual transmitted diseases to each other.; she should be educated about the emotional side of sex and the affects to her psychological well being that casual sex can have.; yeah, sex is fun, but there is a reason its for adults, it takes a large degree of emotion to understand it and deal with it.

  This is excellent advice.
• 

  Lady Lee

  I have 2 daughters who are now grown and married to wonderful men. So I can relate to the part about them getting involved with anyone too early.

  I do remember that when they were each about 14 they started with the crushes on boys. Isat down with them when that time came and did have a really serious talk with them about sex. I told them that regardless of what they did I would still love them. We talked about sex and some of my concerns regarding STDs and the risk of pregnancy. I told them I hoped they would wait but if they decided not to then I hoped they would make smart choices and use protection.. And we discussed that if they wanted to get some form of birth control or protectionI would not be against it. (In Canada a minor 14 yr old and up can get medical threatment without her parent's permission).

  Now I don't think 14 yr olds are ready for sex. But I don't think that we, as parents, can afford to stick our heads in the sand and pretend it won't happen because WE are too embarrassed to deal with it.

  I loved them, wanted them to be safe and smart.

  I think in this situation you have with your daughter you could perhaps have the same talk. Regardless of who she is with, she needs to know you will love and support her, that you are open to discussion and are there for her. And that you hope she will wait but if not, she will act wisely (well as wisely as hormones will allow).

  One other thing I recall in my courses in adolescent development. Girls often get crushes on other girls at a certain age. It isn't necessarily sexual but rather more a emotional attraction. I certainly recall going through this. So don't be in too big a hurry to label her or allow her to label herself. Adolescence is a time of discovery. We just hope they go slowly and stay safe.
• 

  BlessedStar

  This subject can be a very difficult one to address.

  Homosexuality is among the list of deviate or abnormal sexual practices. God did not create any human being as a homosexual. They are not born that way, just as murderers are not born that way. However, these spirits can be transmitted to children, especially if someone who had this demonic spirit seduced or raped a child--or even if they were close to gay people.

  People become homosexuals because they yield to abnormal acts or lust. It is through some source that they have received a demonic spirit that drives them to their lust. Viewing evil videos or pornographic books is a way of opening the door for Satan to give one an evil, perverse spirit.

  Kindly try to see what type of contact your child in interacting with and what she's viewing and talk with her about it. Note I said talk with and not to.

  You must cut off all sources and relationships that would lead her back into sin. The Bible tells us to flee fornication (sexual sins). You must get her out of any corrupt entanglements, or areas that you know will be a temptation to her. If she has been hooked on internet pornography subscribe to an Internet Service Provider that will filter out the pornography for you. Destroy all evil books and videos.

  I hope I helped.

  BlessedStar
• 

  Dune

  Wow.

  And here i thought this post was going to drift back into obscurity.

  You, my friend, just opened up a can o worms.
• 

  slugga

  Homosexuality is among the list of deviate or abnormal sexual practices. God did not create any human being as a homosexual. They are not born that way, just as murderers are not born that way. However, these spirits can be transmitted to children, especially if someone who had this demonic spirit seduced or raped a child--or even if they were close to gay people

  
  

  
  Can I swear in here?

  Do you live under a bridge and eat billy goats?

  Heres a person asking for help and you come out with some superstitious crud about child rape and demons.... Geeze!