my letter to my dad. what do you think?

by freedomlover 37 Replies latest jw experiences

  • JT
    JT
    your letter is great- but their is one problem you are writing it to a dyed in the wool society man,

    so i have to ask why are you writing this letter, is it to provide you with the freedom that you need to move on, then great- but is it to help your dad see why you have chosen this course, for example you state the following

    1. I am not a threat to the congregation.

    2. I don’t plan on discussing these issues with anyone else.

    3. I just want to walk away and start over.

    4. I’m not planning on becoming immoral, or

    5. becoming a Satan worshiper.

    Now unless your dad has his own doubts and concerns about the organization- you sound like an Apostate to me-

    anyone who questions the org is by default a threat to the congo, for he will say, see how you are trying to destroy MY Faith

    you said you want to walk away, walk away from WHAT is what the mind of a jw ask, see you and i and the rest of us know you are talking about the org NOT GOD- but sad to say that is not what it means to a devoted jw, in his eyes you are like job was told to be, curse god and die

    as for being immoral, you are thinking about runing women smoking dope,etc, not him to him it goes well beyond such conduct, to question the mouth pc of god is like Moses sister questioning him in gods sight

    and the last one was the funniest one of all, we all know what you meant, a Satan worshiper, ---

    but in the mind of a jw, if you are not worshiping the true god like he is Then who are you serving, - so yes he will veiw you as a worshiping of Satan , one who deliberatly chose to worship and tried to get him to join in with you

    recall the kids of Korah and Daithan and the Boys-

    their family rejected them when they turned on gods channel moses and remained faithful- well most jw see themselves in the same situation when a family approches them with such a letter

    not trying to rain on your parade. i've just seen too many former jw burn down brigdes that otherwise they could have used to deliver droplets of info t their family to get out

    i just hate to see you join the long list of former jw who only wish they had handled it another way

    if you day is a good society man, then he is programmed to shut down faster than a ATM machine on the 3rd wrong try

    being that we all know that, i just feel we need to be smarter in our approach to dealing with jw, we all know the rountine, we need to approach it much better

    i firmly beleive that many former jw could have gotten better results if they had approached it from a different angle

    in the 8yrs online i have seen very few Frontal approaches that work effectively-

    as i tell folks the same way you don't become a jw by over night, you will not leave over night, it is a slow process

    just think folks study for 6months to years- yes it is a Slow Roast technique the jw use on the person to get them in and get them in securely too-

    so we have to walk them out in a slow manner as well

    i believe that getting your family out IF you can by taking a different approach is well worth it

    today my mom, dad, bro sister and some cousins are OUT , my inlaws, sister inlaw and some of my wife's cousins are out as well

    it took us 8yrs i guess, but this past year we celebrated christmas as a family and we all cried at all the years and relatives we avoided all of these years

    i have a cousin who is a very high ranking Petagon official in the Bush Adminstration- i never met him until christmas he is 42yrs old, all i knew about him was that over the years he was one of the Miltiary men that the birds were going to eat his eyes out during Armegedom

    everyone in the family laughed when i related what i actually beleived about him- how sad

    just my two

  • Crumpet
    Crumpet

    freedomlover - a very well worded cautious and heartfelt and sincere letter. Only someone completely brainwashed and fear driven by a cult could ignore that approach. I hope your father has enough trust and love for you to listen to your concerns and respect how honest you have tried to be and how you want to protect his feelings.

    Vitty - I hope you can use this for your daughter to good effect too.

  • freedomlover
    freedomlover

    XBEHERE-

    definitely speak to him in person too though

    I most certainly will.....this is just to let him know before rumors start circulating through the rumor mill back where all our extended family is...............

  • tetrapod.sapien
    tetrapod.sapien

    wow. f*cking amazing letter.

    i know why you worded it the way you worded it. it's so similar to the way i worded mine. they don't have to know every nitty-gritty detail of where you stand right now. just the jist of it. the four points ITIS mentioned. so ya, i think it is a really great letter.

    i am sure you realize that there is a gamble involved here. if your dad is the man i gather he is, based on how you are addressing him (ie: someone you trust and love), then most likely, you are in for a good debate (think scholar and jeffro), which is basically the best possible outcome. just bear in mind the slight possibility of shunning right off the bat. it probably won't happen because he sounds like a really good guy, but there are many of us who have been very surprised by JW family members. that said, there is no way around that possibility. so in retrospect, i don't even know why i bring it up.

    the other thing i like about the letter idea, is that as much as we may hate to admit it, many of us may get sort of choked up, or find ourselves at a loss for words when face to face with a JW, for some weird psychological reason. i know. it happened to me once. but that's why a letter works well. when you do talk with your dad, he'll already know the ground you stand on. he'll already know that you have done a bunch of research. so the letter will probably act as a sort of outline for the first conversation you have with him in person, which will probably be a nerve-racking one in all honesty. but imo, easier slightly because you will have something to focus on through the haze of emotion.

    well done. best wishes. you guys rock.

    TS

  • Golf
    Golf

    Greetings, since you've already sent the letter, which by the way was reasonable, you have an outline to discuss YOUR concerns.

    Assuming I were your dad, I wouldn't find any objections to discussing the contents of your letter. All my children are adults, so, I wish you the best. When my kids became of age what they did was their business.

    Golf

  • freedomlover
    freedomlover

    JT -

    so i have to ask why are you writing this letter, is it to provide you with the freedom that you need to move on, then great- but is it to help your dad see why you have chosen this course, for example you state the following

    1. I am not a threat to the congregation.

    2. I don’t plan on discussing these issues with anyone else.

    3. I just want to walk away and start over.

    4. I’m not planning on becoming immoral, or

    5. becoming a Satan worshiper.

    Now unless your dad has his own doubts and concerns about the organization- you sound like an Apostate to me-

    I guess you have to understand my dad and our relationship. My dad has had his fair share of bad treatment in org. He was df'ed years ago and my dad has used this organization to give him some self-esteem. He and I actually had a conversation in person about a month ago where I was talking to him about the secular education issue. ( ITIS also has had many conversations with him recently) He has agreed with us completely on every subject we have discussed. He and my stepmom have been having SERIOUS doubts lately. They are both physically and emotionally sick because of the stress of this org. I used the phrase "I just want to walk away and start over" because those were his words in our conversation. He was talking about how if someone disagrees with the society they aren't allowed to vocalize it or there would be consequences. Then he says - "sometimes the only thing to do when people are in that situation is to pack up and move and start over." I almost hit the floor when he said that because I figured he found out that's what we were doing at that point! lol!

    he does have doubts. that's the reason I feel like I owe him an explanation. I also mostly did this for me. even if he shuns me, I had to do this. I had to just be honest with him.

    I guess I should have given a little more backround on my dad's position. I seem to be confusing a lot of you folks here! lol.

    ((((((crumpet)))))) thanks sweetie. I often read your stories with your dad and it makes me cry because I can relate so much......

  • freedomlover
    freedomlover


    tetra -

    just bear in mind the slight possibility of shunning right off the bat.

    I am prepared for this. I expecting the worst and hoping for the best.....

    the other thing i like about the letter idea, is that as much as we may hate to admit it, many of us may get sort of choked up, or find ourselves at a loss for words when face to face with a JW, for some weird psychological reason. i know. it happened to me once. but that's why a letter works well. when you do talk with your dad, he'll already know the ground you stand on. he'll already know that you have done a bunch of research. so the letter will probably act as a sort of outline for the first conversation you have with him in person, which will probably be a nerve-racking one in all honesty. but imo, easier slightly because you will have something to focus on through the haze of emotion.

    YES! YES! this is exactly why I'm sending a letter. ITIS and both feel this is the best way to approach my dad. I know I'm catching some flack for not doing this face to face but I know my emotions will get the better of me with my dad, and I don't think I will articulate my points the way I need to. I need him to get over the initial shock before he and I can "talk" about this......

    as far as debating with him....yes. yes. ITIS and I will have a lot of talking to do. I'm going to use the witness reasoning and only discuss ONE POINT at a time. If I don't know the answer I can give him the JW canned answer " well I'd like to do some research on that before I answer you." LOL!

  • XBEHERE
    XBEHERE
    If I don't know the answer I can give him the JW canned answer " well I'd like to do some research on that before I answer you."

    LOL... so funny. When I started doubting, I had a person at the door say that to me and I parroted back to him exactly what you said above... I wonder if he is still waiting as it has been almost 3 yrs now.

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul
    freedomlover: See my dad is the king of bible prophecy stuff. He loves it, devours it.

    Does he ... post here ... as scholar, perhaps?

    I get the point behind your letter now. It may be better, since that is the case, to lay off his favorite topic for the most part. One thing that it is hard to argue with is Jesus saying his disciples would be known by love among themselves. If you don't see it, you can't identify this organization as Christ's disciples. The judicial arrangement, from the trial, to the sentencing, to the treatment of the genuinely repentant (putting them on restrictions, etc.), it is an unscriptural arrangement.

    Respectfully,
    AuldSoul

  • freedomlover
    freedomlover

    • yes Auldsoul. He loves the prophecy stuff but not to the point of being dogmatic. he is like I was. He feels this must be the right organization, warts and all, because of the prophecy stuff. If the prophecy stuff comes tumbling down then it all does, IMO. He was an elder for a few years back and he got burnt out because he is actually one of those guys that is loving and wants to help and he just has to fight to have mercy and love shown to "wrongdoers." he got tired of fighting all the nazi elders. I remember one committee he was on and it was for a sister who was being phyically abused by her MS husband who was addicted to painkillers. All the elders on this committee said she needed to stay because he hadn't "cheated" on her. My dad felt there was more to this case and it wouldn't help anything to just have the black and white thinking that she had to just go back. Needless to say - she went back. wound up not being able to take it anymore, cheating on her abusive husband, got DF'ed and then moved away. now she is shunned by all her family. that situation haunts my dad. he feels he sould have done more........

    He is not a blood sucking elder, he actually has a heart. that's why I feel he will have a very hard time shunning me. He told me in one of our conversations a few weeks ago, when I was expressing my opinions on the society's changing view of secular education, that he would never shun any of his kids for disagreeing with something the society says. He then said that ITIS and myself could always talk to him about such things.

    I'm hopeful. we'll see.

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