New here,i hope someone might help,my abuser hung himself (page 3)

Mary

ferret said: First of all god does not hate you even though he might hate your conduct. We are all sinners and many of us have committed some serious sins.

What in god's name are you talking about ferret? She's done nothing wrong.........

Linzlou, this guy was not your friend: He was a dirty old man who took advantage of young girls. You have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty for. As for you feeling like you're a murderer for turning this rotten old bastard in, all I can say is: you're not a murderer----you're a hero. Do you realize how many young girls you probably saved from this slimeball? You're to be commended, not put down.

From what you've wrote, you've had a hell of a childhood. I would like to recommend that you check out this book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It's called "Bad Childhood---Good Life". It shows you how you can still live a good life as an adult, even though you had a terrible childhood.

You can buy it on www.amazon.com or try your local library. Here's a link:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006057786X/qid=1141869209/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-3632009-3348013?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

I would also strongly recommend that you seek professional help. Look up a Psychiatrist or Psychologist in the Yellow Pages (or, it may be under "Physicians", I'm not sure). It sounds as though you need some medication for depression as well. Please keep us posted and keep your chin up.

delilah

im just searching to find someone who might understand and help me understand because i feel so alone and ashamed,confused and sad,even people might find me bad because of how these events turned...but im not bad inside,ive always been such a soft caring person at heart,im a good person just always been lost,alone and confused..

First of all, let me say, WELCOME. You are one very brave young woman. The feelings you have described above, are very normal, for someone who has been used and abused. You are NOT a bad person, you are someone who needed to be held, and loved and listened to, BY THE RIGHT PEOPLE. YOUR PARENTS. They were not there for you, so you sought it elsewhere. I know, I was you too. Some of the things that happened to you, have happened to me also. You were robbed of your childhood, Linzlou. By very rotten, low-down, selfish men. Please do not be hard on yourself, don't blame yourself. You were an innocent child, they were adult men, who knew what they were doing. They were creeps. You did the right thing, by opening your mouth. You saved, who knows how many other young girls, from having their childhoods destroyed.

This man killed himself, rather than face the truth of what he had done to you, and who knows how many other girls. You probably even saved his own granddaughter from years of abuse.

He was a coward....as all abusers are. COWARDS. You, were not...you need to grieve for your loss of childhood, and you may need to seek a qualified doctor in order to heal. You hold your head up high, you look at yourself in the mirror, and you tell yourself, that you did the right thing, and you learn to love yourself. You are a beautiful woman, and you deserve to be loved, and you deserve to give love. You have a beautiful child, who is depending on you, for the same love you did not receive....don't worry about giving your child everything he/she wants...the most important thing you can give your child, is your undivided attention and love.

I'm glad you and your mother are working together on your relationship. My mom blamed herself too....there is no room for blame. Just learn to love, and to heal yourselves. Lean on one another and talk. It will be long days and nights for awhile. But it does get better. I promise you. Go for some professional help, and begin there. I send you hugs and best wishes, and please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Please come back, and let us know how you are doing??!!

~Delilah~

Frog

sounds like you have some good support on here babe, and so you should, you most definitley deserve it after all you've endured

for starters babe, you absolutely should not carry any guilt or shame over this thing. it was the path he chose in life that caused him to meet his ends. you're at the perfect age to start rebuilding your life though babe, there's plenty of future for your and your little one. just commit yourself to really dealing with the pain & loss as best as you can, so that the underlying negative currents in your life can all disappear.

i hope you find mental peace and soon babe, you deserve it, every good and kind hearted person does. lots of love, frog xox

outoftheorg

You are the innocent victim in this story.

You have received lots of good advice and I would want you to read these responses over a few times to get a strong hold on what you are being told here.

I agree that you need help to heal all the damage.

Go to a local hospital or a doctors office or to the police department. Then ask to speak to one of the women who work there and explain that you need help and can't afford it.

They can put you in contact with the local department of health and welfare or other sources for the help you need.

Do not feel afraid or embarrassed. They are used to this sort of thing and will want to help you.

Hang in there and do not give up. You are worthy of help and you are a loveable person who is in need.

Outoftheorg

crazyblondeb

Linzlou-

Welcome to our family here. If you hang around, which I pray you will, you'll find alot of love and support. Everyone gave you good advice, so I won't repeat it. I was molested for years. When I turned him into child welfare services he did loose his marriage. Sometimes I wish he'd have lost ALOT more, if you know what I mean.

I know it's hard not to feel responsible. But you should own NONE of the guilt. You have saved others from being abused. He was the coward. He couldn't own up to his guilt. There is one less pedophile (spelling sucks I know) to prey on the helpless.You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to speak up!!

shelley

hallelujah

Linzlou it's good to be talking. I know you don't hate your abuser. He lost control of his mind and inflicted his suffering on you. By bringing it out in the open you gave him the chance to get help.

loathjw

An evil person is dead and the world is now a better place.

greendawn

I understand that ths guy was abusing and hurting a lot of persons so because of this, deep down he may have felt a lot of guilt something that finally drove him to suicide. You haven't done anything wrong the guy was guilty of much wrong doing.

bigmouth

You're a brave girl linzlou. If this is the first place you've come to then you have done a very difficult thing.
You can't hear this too often; You are not to blame.
I understand how you can be feeling guilt ridden, after all, you probably came to know this abusive man from several angles.
His decision to kill himself was entirely his own. He had choices, such as stopping his behaviour and getting help, but he chose another answer.
Get help now as already suggested and please post soon so that we're not worried about what you're doing.
Love
Pete

Narkissos

Welcome Linzlou

Satanus wrote:

Yes, things like this are confusing. Religious types always feel compelled to make judgements. That is their right. However, it may help you if you can withold judgement for now, both of the guy, your friend who got you into that and also of yourself. Noone is totally evil, noone is totally good/innocent.
As someone suggested, you need a therapist/counselor to help you work this out.

I could not agree more.

In Ingmar Bergman's movie Beyond the Mirror -- which deals with incest in a context of mystical delirium -- when the "victim" finally succeeds in talking after the event he says (approximately): "Now I know anything can happen. How can I go on living with that?"

Suspending judgement, sometimes, is what we need to do to take the next breath, the next step. Perhaps it is always true, just sometimes we can't miss it.

I wish you well.

New here,i hope someone might help,my abuser hung himself

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