OK! Joe's Bar and Grill is OPEN
I trust you have, by now, properly disposed of the aforementioned Vermuth? ALLriiiight!!!
From George Herter's
"Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices"
Copyright 1960-1962
"The Authentic Martini"
"The martini drink has become America's most popular hard liquor drink for two simple reasons.
1. It gives you more raw alcohol for your money than any other drink and hence more of an alcohol jolt.
2. Americans want an escape from reality and use Martinis as an anesthetic not actually as a drink.(Note to self: Keep in mind for any future field amputations)
"The way Martini drinks are made in America, they are about the poorest excuse for an alcoholic drink that you could possibly find, actually no better than drinking Sterno canned heat strained through bread, the national drink of the bum jungles.(note: Bum Jungles? Remember, George was from Waseca, Minnesota)(note2: Whats the national drink of the Amazon Jungle?)
"Everytime you pick up a magazine some author makes up the name of an American man and says he invented the martini drink. They carefully fail to include any details so you cannot trace the facts at all. Actually they not only do not know the name of the man who invented the martini drink but do not know how to make an authentic martini.(Note: The 60s may have had only 3 or 4 magazines worth mentioning. George may have kept picking up one or two of them. Like, Playboy? and Cosmo?)
"One writer took the name Martiney and said that a man with this name invented the martini and that the first martinis were called Martineys. This is strictly a lie.
The martini drink is strictly German and was invented by J.P.Schwarzendorf, a German music composer born in 1741 and who died in 1816. He composed the operas Lover of Fifteen Years and Pleasures of Love.(note:I Wonder if he was related to Hugh Heffner)
His nickname was "Martini". He invented two drinks which his friends promptly named after his nickname. The first was called "Martini" and here is the correct and original recipe. It is far superior to the slop called and served as Martinis in American bars and homes today".(Note: George was a world traveler, and he KNOWS his American SLOP)
"Take two ounces of Genievre.
Genievre is the original gin first invented in Belgium. (Note to English folk: HEY!!!I'm just the reporter here, so PUT DOWN your Pitchforks.)
It is made of a mash of oatmeal, wheat and barley and flavored with the berries from a small bush called the Geneurier or sandy juniper. English and American made gins are very poor copies of the original Genievre(PITCHFORKS!!! Thankyou!), but must be used as the original Genievre is not imported into North America although still widely drunk in Europe.
Add ONE Ounce of dry white wine such as Rhine wine or Chablis.
Add ONE Sixteenth level teaspoon of Ground Cinnamon.
Stir well and serve as cold as possible."
Note: Yep! You heard right! Ground Cinnamon! Makes the Martini as dry as the Sahara Desert. If you are on a quest for a DRY Martini, your search is over. Your only quest now, is to find out how much cinnamon you can handle)
"You will note there is NO Vermouth, NO olive in the genuine Martini. Vermouth is nothing but a cheap spice flavored white wine and was originally made in order to get rid of wine too poor to sell on its own. The idea of using Vermouth in Martinis was the sole idea of unscrupulous importers of Vermouth who simply wanted to promote its sale and are the kind of people that will do anything to make money. The idea of of putting an olive in a Martini was the idea of Robert Agneau, French New York bartender who put in the olive to try to conceal the raw alcohol taste of Martinis served in the United Stares with the salt in the olive. It helps very little. An American martini is still a drink for alcoholics who want a quick alcohol jolt regardless of taste.
Schwarzendorf invented another drink which he named the Martini Verboten. This is one of the world's great alcohol drinks but never gained any popularity. It was made for the habitual drinker and alcoholic, Schwarzendorf had many friends in this class. This drink tends to calm down a heavy drinker, to get away from the over dry after drinking mouth of a heavy drinker, and it prevents liver damage to the alcoholic as well as nerve damage such as delirium tremens.
Here is the original formula.
Two ounces of Genievre, or gin.
One ounce of apple cider vinegar.(Note: No wonder popularity dived)
Stir well and serve as cold as possible.
(Note: A bit of the hair off the dog that bit you, Eh George?)
(Note2: More gin prevents liver damage? Hmmmmmm)
"The martini found its way to America by isolated music lovers and became popular in the United States over a period of years.
You can verify these facts in the Nouveau Petit Larousee, French Dictionary."
Well there you go!
I must say it is certainly different. I sneak in a twist of lime on occassion. And if you use a bigger glass, its pretty good with a whole bunch of olives. For a conversation piece, add a cocktail onion or two or three. I doubt old Schwarzendorf will care. I don't think George will care either.
Suggestions:
Don't use rotgut gin.
Keep in freezer and chill the wine.
Make up in advance and keep in freezer and add cinnamon on serving.
Serve in frosted glass.
Don't drink and drive.
Now every proper cook book during the height of the "Cold War" wouldn't be complete without this section.
"In Case of a Hydrogen Bomb Attack You Must Know The Ways of the Wilderness to Survive"
"If we have a bomb attack it will be a heavy one with every major city and most of the country wiped out in less than half an hour.
In reading some of the official rot gut put out about survival in case of a bombing attack it shows that the people putting it out have no first hand knowledge of what they are talking about. I am just going to take the time to say a few words about it here as if an attack comes I do not want my friends dying needlessly. I have been through bombings and have talked to people all over Europe that have been bombed out and what I say here are the true facts of the matter and not political dribble.
1. The would be authorities tell you to go into your basement and put up a wood lean to against one wall and get under it. This is the surest way to get killed in a bombing attack and is the thing you must not do. If your home is hit, all the debris will come down on you and you will not be able to get out. If you have city water the water pipes will burst and flood the basement drowning you like rats in a trap. If you have city gas the gas pipes will break and can let out enough gas to kill you especially in such a confined area. The sewer pipes may break in the area if you have city sewage and the sewage gas will back up in the basement and kill you quicker than the furnace gas. Get in any kind of a cave, ditch or valley as far away from buildings as you can and lie on the ground face down. If at all possible get in a cave.
2. The first bombs will knock out all gas lines transportation and electrical lines and the factories controlling them. Food in your deep freez will spoil. If the weather is cold all canned goods will freeze and spoil.
3. Make the following preparations in general as applied to your particular situation.
A. If the weather is cold, have a wood stove that can be set up in an abandoned house or shelter. Wood is usually available. Coal would not be available.
B.If the weather is cold have a reserve of lots of blankets.(Note: Throw in down parkas and quilts and Refrigawear, hats, gloves, boots
C. Have a reserve of food consisting of dried beans, dried peas, dried potatos, dried milk, bacon canned shortening, sugar, peanut butter, powdered coffee, and tea, chocolate, salt, pepper, macaroni, flour and baking powder. Have at least 1000 matches in a waterproof container. In World War 11 matches in some countries were $25.00 a box on the black market when available.
Keep such things as flour, sugar, salt, dried milk, dried potatos in 5 gallon milk cans that have a press fit covers.(Note: Buy a case of Bic Lighters)
D.Have a small .22 caliber rifle and at least 1000 rounds of ammunition. It will kill small game and birds and can be used to protect your home. Bombings bring looting and the looting is done in most all cases by so called friends that live near you. This is what happened in both World War 1 and 2.(Note: Save a loved one! Shoot a friend!)
E.Have six number 1-1/2 traps and two twenty foot coils of woven picture frame wire for snares. Have 100 fish hooks in assorted sizes and 200 yards of nylon fishing line in a variety of weights. The above items can supply your family meat, fowl and fish if properly used.
F.Have a half pint of iodine, a year's supply of laxative and 100 bufferin tablets. If you live in an area where biting flies and mosquitos abound have a years supply of bug dope and ten yards of big net.(Note: Make that about 5000 Ibprophens and years supply of Celobrex)
G. Have 5 one pound cans of tobacco. This is your fortune. If there is any food or material available that you need, the tobacco will get it for you when money will not.(Note: Make that 50 pounds of tobacco and a case of Wild Turkey and lots of rolling papers. I might have to smoke and drink myself to death before the radiation kills me.)
4.When you get away from buildings, stay in a cave for 3 days to avoid radiation fall out.(Right George! Nearest cave is........)
European countries now require that you keep such reserves as they know that if it comes this time all the help you will get will be that which comes from yourself.
To have a reserve of the above is the cheapest kind of insurance. If you never need it give thanks to Christ. If you do need it, it is worth more than anything you have no matter how worldly wealthy you are at the moment."
Joe, (The 60s and 70s, What a Trip! Then came Disco and its been downhill ever since.
And never forget when you see that blinding flash of light to, "DUCK AND COVER")
