Would You Ever Think About Taking Your Life??? (page 3)

plmkrzy

I have been that depressed before but I can't say I never went through with it because of my up bringing as a JW. Not sure really. I think the only real reason for not going through with it was my children. If I didn't have them I might have gone off the deep end enough to go through with it. But I'll never really know for sure.

Jourles

Think about it? Not these days. But I did try it once back when I was around 18. I was also recently baptized. From what I've heard through other people's experiences, I probably shouldn't be here today. Four hours in a closed-garage should have done the trick, but it didn't. I can only remember crying the whole time and sweating profusely. I would probably have stuck it out except that I was beginning to not tolerate the heat and sweating. I remember the fumes not causing any problems for me. I still wonder to this day why four hours didn't do it. It bothers me the same way as someone asking you, "Where did God come from?" It's almost incomprehensible.

I would have to say that my reasons at the time for doing it was 80% WTS related and 20% other. I figured at the time that in a few years I was going to die at armageddon anyway so this would be an easier way out rather than having jehovah do it. Thankfully it didn't work out. Unfortunately my parents found a "note," one that I had intentions of destroying. Soon after the finding, I was scooted off to see an elder who also happened to be a psychiatrist. Those couple of sessions must have been a nice waste of time for him. I didn't say anything. I thought if I opened up and spilled out everything, I would have been df'd. So I chose not to speak. This is another one of those deep seated emotions in me that I hate the WTS for. If it wasn't for the continuous harping and mashing into our heads that armageddon was imminent, I probably would have taken another route at the time. I can honestly say that those teachings played a huge part in my decision back then.

Whenever I hear of someone contemplating suicide, I tell them to hold off. Talk with me. I've been there, literally. Even if things look like it will never get better, there is always a solution. ALWAYS.

Apostate Kate

I was told it was called Trigeminal Neuralgia and there

I recently have had this and oh MAN! It is called the "suicide syndrome" because it can lead sufferers to suicide, the pain is unbearable. It is also called tic doloreoux. I would cry from the pain. My eyes would water, light was torture and the right side of my face inched up. It would go on for weeks without let up. On top of my genetic blood disease and lupus, the tic doloreoux just about drove me to insanity. If I had had a loaded gun I would have used it. The lupus causes cysts on my tooth roots, which triggered the trigeminal nerve. I'm losing my teeth but the trig has calmed down. I hope you NEVER get that again!

I have had suididal thoughts in the past because of my Watchtower indoctrination. Life sucks when you have no assurance of salvation and yet your whole life is works oriented. Being raised a JW I had no real hope.

I made bad decisions based on what I thought was real. I was never good enough. I could never make enough meetings, go out in service, progress as a good JW should. I wasn't a good enough mother and felt my children would be better off without me. I could see no way out of the emotionally abusive marrraige I was in. I could not support myself since I had no education since Armageddon was coming, who needed an education.

All these thoughts were based on what the Watchtower thought of me. I was defined by who they said I was; inactive and not good enough. I'm one of those crazy mainstream believers now and it means a lot to me to know that the God of the Bible loves me just the way I am. I am loved unconditionaly and not because of what I do or do not do. I have peace now and do not think I would ever feel suicidal again. If the trig starts back up I'll have the surgery before i would take my life. There is a surgery to fix it.

Ray Franz talked about it in his book Crisis of Conscience. A friend of his had it and they were both at Bethel. The "brothers" said he had an emotional problem and put him to hard physical labor. A few year later they developed the surgery for it and he had the surgery. The GB never apologized for putting him through all that pain and suffering.

Lovely bunch they are

lola28

I have thought about it in the past but in the end I love life too much, this whole alive thing is really working out for me.

lola

FlyingHighNow

Suicidal thoughts and feelings, are a natural reaction to deep emotional and or physical pain or extreme discomfort.

greendawn

Life is too sweet to end it rather the worry is that it is too short. I don't think that 90% of men contemplated suicide there are many terminally ill cancer patients but only few commit suicide.

But I agree that the JW ambience is quite evil, oppressive, and unloving and can create suicidal thoughts in ppl that feel totally trapped in it and powerless.

Sad emo

Almost did once - but for me it was the RC church that had affected my decision.

Thought about doing it nearly every day throughout last year due to severe depression, but hopefully I'm through the worst now.

This might sound a bit odd to some of you but being suicidal has had a positive effect in that I'm not afraid to die any more.

calico

Yes-and by the way, IT'S MY OWN FAULT IF I AM DEPRESSED!

GentlyFeral

Hiya minimus,

Have you ever been in such despair that the thought crossed your mind? Did being a Jehovah's Witness have anything to do with your mindset?

Yes indeed. And being a jaydub had everything to do with it. It was all about being "not good enough" and giving up on the possibility of sustained happiness.

But now? Suicide would never ever ever be an option unless I was in constant pain without any hope of relief and death by natural causes was not imminent.

Even though I'm not any richer than I was when I left – yet – and only a little healthier, I am way more optimistic. Not the airy-fairy affirmations kind of optimism, either, but a real shift in my world view. It looks like it's going to be permanent.

I worked damn hard to get this way, too. And yes, I am proud of it.

gently feral

serendipity

After I moved away from home and extended family, no one called me, even though I called them. I felt very unloved. Then the congregation I was in was very cold and marked me because I had attended college and I was working full time instead of pioneering. So I was ignored by them. I felt that no one cared. There was one night that I was in such despair that I had a quick, painless way to kill myself I would have done so.

Would You Ever Think About Taking Your Life???

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