Help - I'm in love with a JW! (page 3)

greendawn

I also agree with the idea that it is not right to mess up two families for what seems to be like blind selfish desire, it will cause so much aggravation it is simply not worth it, ultimately there is nothing good to be gained from it. Better sober up and shake off this spell.

bebu

Actually, once you understand this cult a lot more, I can't imagine that you'd want that woman to really return to it (if you do love her).

I think you ought to tell her to google "jehovahs witnesses", or look it up on wikipedia, or whatever, and tell her that you are finding some disturbing stuff. Let her sort it out from there. Far, far away from you.

bebu

PS: BTW, I know how hard it is to let love go when you feel lonely. But you won't regret taking the high road. I promise.

Check_Your_Premises

Ok, fair enough Look... now that I have said my peace about the kids... however you choose to rationalize it.

Now on to the other reasons this is a very bad idea.

What you need to understand about her faith is that it is VERY difficult to be involved with someone who is a member. Do you plan to have children with her? That will complicate things more than you can possible imagine.

The reason why is because a jw carries with them the myth of certainty. They are right! Theirs is the right way! I am sure you can see why this is a very toxic attitude. It taints all interactions with others. You simply are not respected because you are so obviously wrong. There is no compromise with a jw.

Now you or her will likely say "shouldn't a person be absolutely certain in their faith?" No. Because "doubts complete faith, and keep it from becoming fanaticism". The best you can say is your faith has always withstood scrutiny and the light of new facts. But all people are equally capable of being delusional. No matter how smart. No matter how knowledgeable. When a JW clings to their myth of absolute certainty, they are denying this aspect of their humanity. They are saying only you can be delusional. As you can imagine, it makes for a very obnoxious and disrespectful person.

Next you need to understand that the jw is an abusive religion. I don't care or have any problem with what they or anybody else believes. I have a problem with how this religion behaves. Anytime you have people trying to control other people, you are VERY likely going to have an abusive situation. Abuse means that their behavior works to undermine a person's confidence in themselves and their ability to control their own life. They do this so that the group can have more control. The jw is a HIGHLY controlling religion. If all you hope for comes true, your entire life will be wrapped up in someone who is controlled by other people. You will always be second fiddle. Things will be easier in your marriage if you join as well... if that is your bag.

Sorry, you aren't happy in your current marriage. This woman is probably not the answer. If her being a jw was the ONLY thing I would still recommend that you run. I know that isn't what you want to hear. I am married to one and it totally sucks. You can see I am not a bigot, or bitter, or suffering from misplaced anger. I have very legitimate reasons for saying the things I do.

But you asked about the children's spirituality didn't you. Well spirituality in the jw religion is tied inextricably to the religion itself. What I mean to say is they think they are the only right religion. There is no salvation or relationship with God without the religion. The religion is the "way, the truth, and the life, no man comes to the Father but by" them. Frankly, if something helps them to not tie their relationship with God and salvation to imperfect men I would say it is a good thing. A conversation might be preferable method over destroying their family, but that is just my opinion.

Take care Look. I hope you make some good decisions. I hope you see I am not here to give you a bunch of crap. I love you and your family as well as the family of your jw sweety. I just want was is in all of your (but mostly the kid's) best interests. I hope all your choices are consistent with those interests.

CYP

Gregor

That's the thing about a can of worms. When they all start wriggling out you don't know which one to deal with first. You find yourself overwhelmed. Here are a few worms that come to mind and remember, each one has its own sub-set of worms.

1. Two divorces and the accoutrements of divorce- division of property, alimony, child support, housing- in a word your finances will be totally F'd up for a long time. Financial and legal problems have a cold shower effect on passion and passion is what is supposed to fuel this expedition into adultery.

2. The kids. Who lives with who. Don't be surprised if one of yours and/or hers decides they hate you and/or her and act out. The innocent parties won't just disappear, there'll be visitation and a certain amount of interaction that you will find to be a regular reminder of your decision and its consequences.

3. Her being a JW could be one of the biggest, nastiest worms of all. It sounds like you a have a vague plan for her to go ahead and get DF'd and then be contrite and get reinstated?? Are you serious?

I can clearly see you a short time down this ugly piece of road, lying in bed staring at the ceiling and wishing with all your being that you had never unzipped your pants and got out the can opener.

Check_Your_Premises

There is an upside Gregor... this guy won't have to deal with Christmas's and Birthdays and stuff. I swear that stuff ages my divorced folks like nothing else!

But you still end up dealing with your ex-spouse for the rest of your days. When you have kids, there is just no way around that.

CYP

collegegirl21

Here is my take: When I was 8 years old, my dad cheated on my mom and it was hell. Now I'm not saying that you should stop because after I found out what happened, and yes I was 8 years old thinking that my parents should break up. I didn't like the fact that they stuck together. I think my dad should've left - I knew they would've been happier and I didn't understand why they were staying together if they didn't love each other anyway. My parents found the religion and now they love each other very much, but I dont think they should've been together. Now, if you aren't going to tell your partners then you need to stop having the affair because it will only hurt the love that you will give your other families because you are preoccupied with each other and not 100% there for your families, or you should tell your families and have it out in the open. I am sorry that you are in this situation, but sometimes you can't help who you love. Good luck to you! ~CG

Check_Your_Premises

sometimes you can't help who you love

True but irrelevant. Marriage isn't about love. It is a legal contract. The purpose of legal contracts is to protect the interests of all parties.

Despite the wisdom of popular culture, the most important thing in life is not to find romantic love. The most important thing in life is not to "experience all it has to offer". The most important thing in life is honor, doing what is right (unto others), and living for a purpose higher than yourself.

"Those who seek truth may find comfort. Those who seek comfort will find neither comfort nor truth."

Legolas

Since she calls it the Truth

She is scheming against her family and her beliefs.....This is someone who you should definitely stay away from!

Her character screams psycho!

anewme

Wow CYP! Awesome! I am going to write that down! Awesome Awesome Awesome!

anewme

Ok Ive written it down. Honest to God I think those words of wisdom might have saved my marriage and stopped me in my tracks 5 years ago.

Bless you CYP for that contribution!

(Sadder but wiser here will put it in practice in her second marriage hopefully)

Anewme

Help - I'm in love with a JW!

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