Well, my wife flipped out. (page 4)

FlyingHighNow

It's all in the approach. Sometimes it's better to show what you discovered and act upset about it, worried and confused by it.

I'm reading these posts with great interest...the situation is going on in reverse for me and my husband...I'm working at fading and he's the committed JW. I have shared a great deal about how I feel, of why I want to leave the WTS, and he is determined to keep me in! I have given up on trying to reason with him on anything spiritual, it just ends up a battle between us...and having peace in the home is far preferable than having to be RIGHT about who's feeling are the most valid! I am finding, however, that by my refusal to continue a debate on doctrinal things that it only makes him more angry...he WANTS us to talk, but why should I engage that when it only pits us against one another?? I am trying to find some common ground for us to talk about things of a religious nature...maybe that's something that would help??? Obviously pushing it with him on the failures of the WTS isn't/won't get me anywhere... So, I feel for your situation, I'm in a very similar one myself!

Bythesea

MegaDude

I see a lot of value in what Gumby is stressing.

I did the "appeal to truth" to my wife at the time, and all it did was send her into an angry and panicked tizzy. What I thought were innocuous questions and subject matter to anyone who calls themself a member of the Truth is anything but. It causes extreme stress and tension. If you have enough of stress and tension, the relationship will completely disentigrate. I continued to share what I learned and she continued to stress out to the point that she turned me in twice for apostacy. We ended up divorced.

PoppyR

Firstly Welcome! And sorry if you feel attacked! Most here understand your frustration. However I also understand if someone had done a direct frontal attack on me I would have come out all guns blazing. I personally feel much patience, love and time is needed, and you cannot strike until the time is right. In my own situation I raised my doubts, but bit my tongue after that when nobody in my family (and I mean not a soul) agreed or listened.

A co-worker (who I later learned is DAd) waited 3 years until she asked me if I would mind researching 607 for her, and why the society do not agree with all other sources who quoted 587.

This was a brilliant move, she did not attack, merely inquired and got me to do the research. Much like the article mentioned at freeminds which is amazing, thank you whoever posted that!

It wasn't so much that the prophecy was wrong that got me thinking, just the fact I HAD NEVER QUESTIONED IT!! And I wondered how many other things I hadn't questioned, before I knew it I was here.. the rest is history.

Cannot agree more with the poster who said show her much love, much understanding and try and stay right away from the scriptural subjects for a while, just tell her you are having doubts and you must sort them out, but keep reassuring her of your love for her. It will hopefully be strong enough to survive if she stays in or joins you out!

Poppy xx

hamsterbait

NOTHING works in this situation.

I told my mother the latest understanding on a scripture, which definately DID NOT agree with current WT dogma, and her first question was:

"But is that the MOST RECENT understanding of that verse?"

ie - the WT says a verse means whatever is convenient to them at the time, for maximum profit$.

HB

Shining One

>The book points out many newbie mistakes, if avoided, can save you years of misunderstanding. Consider backing off for now.

Wise advice here. My wife and two sons came out with me at the same time. Not so for my parents and siblings. I was too direct with them and now tread much more carefully. They do not shun me though, thank the Lord for that. Amen.
Rex

TheListener

It's the weekend and I can only secretly steal so much computer time. So I will say this.

Welcome Rass!!

What you're going through it tough and it will probably get tougher. If your wife freaked out at the mere mention of something like that with no buildup - then she suspects you of apostate thinking already. She's watching you and just waiting for you to admit it to yourself and her.

When I was a strong committed dub I could mouth off if I wanted about the WTS to my wife or friends and we'd all laugh or say 'Ooops better be careful saying that' and move on. But, once I showed cracks in my faith in the WTS any comment I made created a similar reaction to what you received.

I'm in the same situation as so you and so many others. I'll mull this over and hopefully post or pm you some personal advice (that I learned the hard way) on Monday.

For now - don't say anything when PMS is upon the family - and keep a calendar of when PMS occurs!

wanda

Interesting. My advice for such situations where the other spouse who is pro-Watchtower won't listen yet needs informed (as determined best by each non-Watchtower spouse) is to use the indirect rather than the direct approach. What you can do is get names and addresses of other JWs then regular mail them copies of 100% factual informative material. Some of those who get the mail will eventually leave or cut door-to-door time, money donations etc. Send a whole lot of people letters especially the first time or two then just sit back and watch. The local elders will tell everyone to not read such “apostate” literature, but many who get it later will be all the more curious to read it, and they will also give some teeth-rattling platform talks against the "evil" person who exercised freedom of speech.

After a year or two after numerous persons the pro-Watchtower spouse knows have gotten the informative mail themselves, then you can send the material to the spouse. So in the meanwhile you will not feel helpless and in the end the other spouse will also be informed. In fact if some who leave are good friends of the spouse then when she does get his/her own mailing s/he too may be more softened up, willing to read it. At least this way you get things off your chest and you don't have to directly confront him/her with the facts again such that you get divorced.

jwfacts

If you want to keep your marriage you will have to go very very slow, as in years possibly. A JW can not listen to reason until they want to know truth, so something needs to trigger that in her first.
I would definitely not start with the trinity. The trinity is one area that many JWs often never believe, even after joining another Christian religions. Any thought that you are attacking Jehovah, or attacking the bible is likely to make your wife shut down even harder.
The first place to start is with whether the F&D slave is directed by Holy Spirit, not doctrine. You need to ask her questions for a while to find out what is important to her, what the proofs are for her and what she really thinks about things, that way you will begin to understand what areas will interest her.
Her reaction is very much like my sisters. There has to be a reason for that, what does she fear. My sister was completely terrified that being a JW is what gives her life meaning. She is slowly getting more balanced, but only by coming to realise that the things that give her meaning would not change if she was not a JW. Your wife is in fear of something, find out what it is first so that down the track you can assure her that would not change if you were not a JW.

Gregor

Get out your trusty NW Translation and read together 1 Peter 3: 1-15 . This makes it kind of hard for anyone to justify getting their panties in a bunch over a calm discussion of John 1:1 or any other scripture.

Well, my wife flipped out.