Intro

by mavie 71 Replies latest jw friends

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    Not to quote pop psychology, but there is a saying that depression is anger turned inwards. I used to work in psychiatry and in my experience that is true sometimes (not always). I was a depressed pioneer. Besides the obvious depressing nature of the lifestyle itself, there can be supressed anger associated with hypocrisy, inconsistencies, misogynistic teachings, and just basically teachings that don't make sense. JWs are taught that being angry about any of those things, let alone the independent thought required to get angry about them in the first place, is terribly wrong and will lead to death. I was repeatedly told Jehovah commands us to feel joy about the ministry, so if we are sad about it there is something wrong with us, we are weak in our spirituality, etc. What else is a good JW to do with these thoughts except supress them, and what else is she to do with the resulting feelings except stuff them inside? Those are probably things you already realize.

    You should not come to sweeping conclusions based on a short time of researching, especially if the conclusions could mean your eternal life. However, that means you aren't qualified to call them b.s. either. (Especially since the conclusions you are referring to are cumulatively based upon years and years of research by some very intelligent people.)

    Keep researching, keep thinking, keep using logic, keep having courage to do the right thing even if it means going against the grain. Life is too precious to waste!

  • skeeter1
    skeeter1

    Welcome Mavie,

    Depression hits both JWs and non-JWs. There could be a hormonal problem with your wife. It could be something terrible that happened to your wife in her past. These past "life experiences" lead many to the Truth. The Truth helps for a while, but then those demons arise. Like a glass of milk, if we don't deal with our past....it festers and hurts to deal with later.

    I applaud you for helping your wife. The best "ministry" or "field service" we can give is to our families. The elders have forgotten that. By caring for your wife in her time of need, you are setting a great example for your children and others near you. We are to treat our wives as Christ treated us. Christ would not have left a sick person to "take care" of themselves.

    I am a 3rd generation ex-JW. I've watched depression set in for the past two generations as my relatives got older and faced death. They never thought 1975 would happen, nor 2000. Depression & mental institutions at the end. While depression hits both JWs and non-JWs, I can personally attest that it does hit JWs, especially the older ones. Very good on the advanced education.

    Skeeter1

  • mavie
    mavie

    rebel8, my wife often commented about 'putting on the Kingdom smile' when we walked into a KH during her pioneering days. I could see it was emotionally and physically draining for her to do this. She was exhausted by the time we got in the car to go home.

    As far as my comment concerning the claims made here about the WTBTS, the bitterness is what puts me off. Maybe I'm different, or maybe it is a male thing, but if I found out I was lied to in this way I don't think I would be vengeful. Why you might ask? In my experience, life is not worth the time spent on revenge or antagonism. I've watched the need for revenge consume my parents....long drawn out family problem....they would be much happier if only they could move on.

    Anyways, I intend to try and continue my research in an honest, logical manner. Knowing myself, this may take many years.

  • collegegirl21
    collegegirl21

    Welcome mavie,
    I appreciate you coming to this website. I'm just a little confused as to why you are here. I'm truly sorry for what you and your wife are going through right now, as I was depressed when I was in the "truth" and I ended up putting myself in the hospital twice because of my parents and their constant pushing of me to do all that I can in the religion.
    It seems like you still believe in the organization 100% or 99%, are you coming here for help or to have your questions answered? Or are you coming here to try to get us to believe in the religion again? Its just something about your wording that makes me sort of eerie. And I don't mean to be disrespectful or rude, I'm just going into getting to know you and your situation with open eyes and I guess with my guard up a little bit. Although you do know that if something happens and the elders were to find out that you are posting on here that - even if its for the kingdumb hall's sake - that you could get disfellowshipped?
    And I'm not trying to scare you away, we are always happy to have new faces on here and hear from people who want to know the "truth" about the "truth." So welcome again!

    ~CG

  • looking_glass
    looking_glass

    Mavie - I am so sorry to hear about the troubles you and your wife are going through. I am sure some of the pressures also relate to the fact that a lot of JWs still have problems with the idea of mental illness. Right now your main concern should and must be your wife. My grandmother whom I love so dearly passed away. During her life time she suffered with great mental illness and was institutionalized because she was deemed to be a risk to herself and others. This could be a really long story, but in the end, my family (all good strong JWs, except for me) did what they thought was best regardless of whether those in the congo accepted the idea or not. My grandfather was never a MS or an elder and part of the reason was due to his concern for his family. He knew that he could not be there for everyone all the time like someone who holds a position in the hall. That being the case, to him it was more important to take care of his family because Jah would understand and he did not care what those in the hall had to say about it. Also, keep in mind that God has greater love and understanding regarding these types of problems and no imperfect human (regardless of their intention) can ever have that deepth or love like God. Again, I am so sorry to hear of your woes and I hope that you will be able to reach a happy medium and in turn reach peace in your decision.

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    "Knowing myself, this may take many years."

    Could you elaborate on what about yourself would make it stretch so far out beyond the initial fact-finding? Just curious here.

  • Honesty
    Honesty
    So why am I posting here?

    Because in your heart you know there's GOT to be something out there that resembles the Gospel that Jesus taught.

    I grew up in a church where if one of the Elders or Deacons or just anyone were missing and someone was sick, they would send around a calendar for people to sign up and provide meals for the family during the illness. The Gospel was never about brownie points and attendence....it was exactly was Jesus said it was - to LOVE your neighbor and help them get through this life, which can be very difficult at times. Double Edge

    I hope your wife's condition improves. I am praying for both of you. Double Edge made some interesting comments: I never saw this type of love. Until I left the Jehovah's Witnesses, accepted Christ as my only Savior and let Him lead me to a fellowship of other believers. Now, I see His love and more every day of the year. That huge 180 foot tall cross over the building we worship in and organize missions and visitation (Field Service) scared me to death until I started reading different Bible translations and realised the significance of the cross. It all makes sense now why the WATCHTOWER SOCIETY hates the cross. I pray that you, too will find the love and support you both need.

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    clinical depression. She is getting as much help as possible for this, in the form or pills, doctors, friends and family.

    EXACTLY - not from the Elders - in fact you were ostracized by them - so now I am going to post some infantile garbage - "Does this not make you think "Just possibly; just possibly, Gods organization may not be quite as wonderful as I have been led to believe?"

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    welcome to the board by the way -if you stick around there are some brilliant minds and also some truly feeling people on this board who have been through similar things to what you are going through - they maybe able to help you. Oh and by the way I am an active witness

  • mavie
    mavie

    SixofNine, I don't come to a conclusion quickly, about anything. I try to examine all sides of an issue, isn't that called critical thinking?

    I have observed many people, JW or not, believe or make a decision based on very little data. That's fine for them.

    This website is obviously anti-JW, thats fine. I realize the information posted here will be anti-JW. To base my decision solely on information from an anti-JW site, or linked to from an anti-JW site, about which I know very little, would be foolish on my part. I prefer to keep the status-quo until compelled to believe otherwise. I *have* to do this, because the result of believing otherwise will be painful, intense, emotional.

    I've found I am a person who resists change. Yet, I'm not afraid to change, given enough time and a reason to do so.

    Hope that answers your question.

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