Welcome aboard Mavie!
First let me say that I am not the least bit upset at your comment about the material posted here. Let me be the first to tell you to go right ahead and be skeptical! We do not demand that you accept one iota of what we say about the organization as a condition for your presence here. What we do ask, is that you do your research. That is all anyone can ask of you, me, or anybody else. Whether you do that is up to you.
The experiences I relate are like your own, experiences that I or others I know personally have lived through. Take in that spirit. Many of us came here because of situations not unlike your own. We vented, and some still vent. the fact is that it feels good to vent in a safe area where one doesn't have to worry about the "knock on the door", or the "trip to the back room". So go ahead and vent, you will get sympathy here because many of us have "been there and done that".
As for what folks say, the ones who line their ducks up in a row expect you to question and look into the matter on your own. They want you convinced, not by what they say, but rather by your own checking the evidence, weighing it yourself, and coming to your own conclusions. That, my friend, is the path to freedom.
Your own experience is not unique. Listen to the folks posting stories much like yours here and you can't hlep but come to the conclusion that something is very wrong in the organization. For me, that epiphany came about 23 years ago. I won't go into all the details because I could easily be identified by them, but let it suffice to say that My daughter, a rape victim, had been declared an "unapproved associate". At the time, the only difference between that and disfellowshiping was the name of the action. She wasn't the only one shunned as a result. The whole family was.
We were at a sunday meeting when my wife took our infant Grandson to the lobby to try and get him to quite down and sleep. She was aproached by a visiting sister from out of town who asked her if she was disfellowshipped. On finding out she wasn't, the sister told her that she was being treated as difellowshipped and wanted her to know that in her travels she was seeing alot of innocent people being informally shunned, so our experience was not unique, so hang in there, it would get better. That caught my attention and got me thinking. We'd assumed that we were just lonely victims of an Alpha elder who had a friend on the Governing Body, Daniel Sydllik, to intervene on his behalf when we'd appealed an obvious miscarraige of justice. Things were alot more widspread than that!
I didn't leave the organization right then, Mavie. I hung around about another 20 years and gave the organization every chance it had a right to deserve and then some. Now you are in a simliar position. And its got you questioning some things, that's why you are here. Like I said, start looking at things yourself. Don't take mine, or anybody else's word for it. whether you remain in, or leave the organization, I'll guarantee that you'll be better for it.
By the way Mavie. There are some folks who are pretty well-connected around here. And folks are pretty good at analyzing what those folks report here and coming to very good conclusions about the significance of the rumors and gossip. So if you stay here, you'll know more than most of the elders know about what is going on in the organization. And you will know many things before many of them even find out! I used to envy the "in" crowd, you know, the ones who are connected and here all the juicy stuff that makes its way through the grapevine. What is ironic is that I had put myself in danger of being DF'd by coming here to get even better connected than them. C'est la Vie!
You take care friend, and keep us posted. We do like to help those wounded souls who come in to our midst.
Forscher
Intro
by mavie 71 Replies latest jw friends
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Forscher
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lilybird
Hi mavie..I understand some of the problems your wife and you are going thru with the elders..My mother was diagnosed with cllinical depresion and also schizophrenia...the second illness being a whole different problem altogether..Some brothers and sisters discouraged her to take medication as they said it would let the demons into her mind so she didn't always take her meds as often as she should ..so she would get sicker.. IT finally got to the point where the elders had a meeting and decided they wanted to disfellowship her as she was bringing "reproach" on Jehovah' organization.. I had to plead her case to not DF her as her witness friends. (and she did have a few very caring witness friends) would not be able to talk to her.. So they didn't disfellowship her after all..but it made me wonder.. what organization with God's spirit would need me.. a mere publisher to change the minds of the elders.. I knew then that the organization was not under Jehovah's spirit as they claimed.. I D/A 'd from the JWS and have since learned of other lies they promote since finding this site..
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JamesThomas
Welcome, mavie.
As Jehovah's Witnesses, we are programmed to rejoice at the death of billions of men, woman and children so that we can covet the land. Is it really surprising that a kind and caring person fall into deep depression from such a vulgarity eating away at their heart and soul, year after year?
If you truly desire for the health and wellbeing of your family to return, it may be wise to do some major rethinking and soul-searching.
j
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sass_my_frass
Welcome Mr and Mrs Mavie, it's good to have you here.
I've recovered from clinical depression and have a lot to say and suggest. I now link my depression closely to my feelings of inadequacy when I was a witness, and not being able to discuss it, as the only people I was close to were also witnesses. I knew that questioning led to being considered apostate and couldn't lose all my family and friends. My loneliness increased and I pulled further away from the society that I knew would 'help' me by purging itself of me and leaving me to die.
I finally saw sense and am now happily married to my non-JW beloved, and wondering why it took so long. There was a point a few years ago when I was about to take my own life and stopped myself, but now that I know that my witness family would be happier if I'd done so than now, now that I'm disfellowshipped, I know that their brand of love isn't something I want to fight to regain. Life's amazing now - I feel like I'm discovering joy and life, and I love to learn everything I can. The people who have cut me off don't know what they're missing.
I'm gently working out when I can handle coming off antidepressants, and learning that it will be a little while longer but it will eventually happen. I'm so adept now at creating my own joy that I won't need the crutch for too much longer. I know how stupid any kind of advice sounds from down there, but if you can get your wife actively interested in her physical health - diet and exercise - it will be a good start towards turning her attention to herself; the place she needs to be looking in order to cure her depression. It's a shame that you consider it a lifetime disease. That's like accepting that a car will rust when you've seen a few spots, and not getting it to a panelbeater to have them cut out. The longer you leave this, the worse it will get.
I hope for the sake of your marriage that the thing it will take to make her happy, won't drive you apart. Anyway, that's pretty long-term. You should be proud of yourself for thinking outside the square - don't stop doing so.
The thoughts of this stranger are with you both, if that means anything. This website has been my lifeline while I've been getting a grip. There is a bit of anger being expressed but now that I know how much pain the organisation inflicts upon those who don't quite fit, I'm so glad that there's this place to share it and lighten the load.
Keep it together.
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MsMcDucket
I consider depression and anxiety a blessing in disguise. If it weren't for this, I'd still be in that stupid religion. Our bodies have ways of telling us that somethings wrong. If we don't pick it up physically, it will reveal itself mentally (well that's how I feel about it). I think that I will always be on antidepressants and antianxiety medications (Tom Cruise wouldn't approve with his space alien believing self. ) because I have so many endocrine disorders.
There's nothing worse than the feeling of losing control! Now, that I think about it, maybe I should of started screaming and throughing a fit in the midst of the Kingdom Hall! Can you imagine the faces of the "brothers and sisters"? They'd, probably, be thinking "Whew, I feel like doing that, too".
Medications beat being in a strait jacket, in the loony bin, or having a lobotomy! IMHO
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daniel-p
mavie, pm.
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PoppyR
Welcome mavie.. and mrs mavie
I think most of us have been in your shoes, it's the tiny crack that leads you to this website and you cannot face the possibility that what you are reading is true.
For me I ignored most of the posts when I first came here and concentrated on the ones that proved things from the bible. In time I began to see how wrong I had been.
The thing that swung it for me? All the people here are prepared to back up and prove what they say, they dont slander, quote from people you dont know or cant find.
I'm sorry you have been dealt with so shoddily by your congregation. Jesus said you would know his disciples because they had love amongst themselves, do you see that? Personally I've seen more in the local Catholic Church
Poppy
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PoppyR
Even after I mentioned she could be disfellowshipped if it was ever seen!
Actually this isn't true. If you research the WT library, which I did BEFORE I got my first tattoo, it is a conscience matter. If she was a brother she might not have privileges, but as a sister she doesn't have any anyway! You cannot be disfellowshipped for having a tattoo, or body piercing.
Poppy
Below is the reference to the article I was thinking of, it clearly dissaproves, but just asks you to think about your decision.
g03 Should I Get a Tattoo. The message? Think before you ink. Don’t make a decision that you may regret later
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Oroborus21
Hi,
welcome. I hope that things will go as smoothly as possible and wish to express all the best in the long road of endurance that you face. Your wife is fortunate to have a caring and loving husband. I do wish you both the best.
I hope the congregation will learn to be understanding and that you will still get to enjoy your "privileges". Unfortunately, even though the Society has published a number of articles on various mental illnesses which usually conclude how considerate we should be, it has been my experience that many of the friends do not fully understand them, often don't know how to treat those who have them or give support to those family members coping with their family who have them, and sometimes treat them like they are a (communicable) disease.
You may wish to balance your concerns about privacy with confiding in your friends and viewing the situation as one where you need to communicate some basic information about your wife's condition so that they will be more understanding.
best of luck,
Eduardo
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Dismembered
Greetings mavie,
Just wanted to add my 2 cents. From one (ex) MS to another ..Welcome to the board! I hope you find solace here. There's so much to learn.
Dismembered