Need help forgiving myself.

by cloud 38 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  JamesThomas

  Welcome, cloud.

  Interesting to see in this thread Christians offering up more guilt to heal guilt; I guess that's the nature of the crazy beast.

  Your problem is twofold, cloud.

  1. You have yet to acquire the ability to be present, here, in this moment, that you can clearly see your past is but a story in the mind that is insane to dwell in and upon.

  2. You have reduced the Source of the universe down to a little deity that has nothing better to do than sit and judge you, and is such a little prick that he is ready and willing to condemn you for your humanness. Again, if you were present enough to witness these silly beliefs, you would see they are as insane as living in the past.

  STOP JUDGING YOURSELF!!!!! Be present and alive with the vibrant expression of the universe here and now!!! Get out of your mind and into LIFE!

  j
• 

  katiekitten

  Interesting to see in this thread Christians offering up more guilt to heal guilt; I guess that's the nature of the crazy beast.

  Yes you are right JT, I can see what I have done there.

  Perhaps I could clarify - im not a Christian myself anymore, and I dont believe in the ransom sacrifice, and I dont actually think he has done anything wrong at all, and I cetainly dont think he should be feeling guilty at all.

  I was just trying to use an argument that might be accepted by a believing Jehovahs Witness. And of couse I think all JW arguments are cockeyed ultimately.

  But I want this poor soul to stop beating himself up for no reason.
• 

  cloud

  Thanks for your replies guys, to answer Narkissos's question, I'm just a regular Christian, I'm not a Jehoavah's Witness, though I am familiar with their teachings. I guess another part of the problem is that I haven't connected well with another woman or been in another relationship since college. It seems for the most part every other girl I meet in my city/area is too (please take no offense girls, this is just a general statement and I do not group all girls into this category) ghetto. It's literally all money, clothes and jewelry, very materialistic. Heck I heard quite a few say thats all they care about. I've met some girls who seem to be nice but In the long run, I'm smart enough to see it will not end up good due to their love of money etc.. I'm a simple guy and I don't want much, just a nice, quiet girl, like before. I only mention this because I know I wouldn't even be dwelling on the past had I covered it over with a new relationship and started anew. With nothing to validate my experience, I just keep beating myself up instead of focising on a brand new healthy bond. Well, no matter, my time will come and I'm sure eventually something will happen. In the meantime, I just have to forgive myself of the past. How much is a therapist anyway, generally, out of curiosity.
• 

  katiekitten

  Cloud, I can totally understand your plight. I teach in a normal school and I see all the girls are trying to clone each other in this brain dead materialistic 'Ricky Lake' type attitude. It makes me really sad, and scared because I want my daughter to be so much better than that.

  I think the genuine people have a personality and some interests other than money and attitude. Maybe you might think about joining an interest group, a class or something - cooking, pottery, art, book group, I dunno, somewhere you might meet some genuine people. You will probably make some nice friends even if you dont meet a girl. Buts odds on chance you will met a decent girl eventually if you put yourself in the way enough times.
• 

  serendipity

  Hi Cloud, welcome to the forum!

  How did Christ treat the Samaritan woman at the well? How did he treat the woman who was being stoned? He told her to go and sin no more. So, quit beating yourself up for fooling around. And quit tormenting yourself about being a virgin. It could be worse - you could have HIV. Find places where nice girls hang out, like church, bookstores and volunteer events. Get out and enjoy life.
• 

  Lady Liberty

  Dear Cloud,

  Welcome to the forum!!

  Sincerely,

  Lady Liberty
• 

  cloud

  KatieKitten, Glad to see it only wasn't me thinking that the clone mentality is sickening. Its as if they were all birthed specifically by MTV reality shows and rap videos (no offense to reality shows and rap videos, but in my everyday life, No, just no. And trust me, guys are no better) Don't worry, as long as you lead your daughter in the right direction, she should be fine.

  Interest groups sound like a good idea. I'll have to look some up.

  Serendipity, Thanks. Book stores are also a good idea.

  Admittedly *hangs head in shame* another one of the big reasons I keep beating myself up is because... When my human-original sin side comes out.... since I never really met a sensible girl after my college love... I always end up watching internet p-o-....Well you know where thats going, so then basically I almost feel like I'm committing my previous college sin over and over again. Thats when my mind goes, "why pray for myself, I'm probably just going to be weak and watch one again." Hope I didn't digust you guys/girls. (Also hollywood ain't making enough hard action movies for guys to get their mind off of girls for even a minute but thats another story. lol) But yeah its kinda like living in a endless loop.

  I will try to find girls with special interest.
• 

  cloud

  Thanks Lady Liberty.
• 

  Satanus

  Hi cloud

  Perhaps you have two pains, here:

  1. Guilt

  2. Missing the girl

  Dealing w your guilt may be complicated, because of your belief system. However, it seems to me that protestants, and especially fundamentalists are much more into guilt about sex than was the situation in the bible, generally. Perhaps researching the bible culture from a more nuetral angle could help to get a better perspective. It is ultimately, as you stated, a case of you forgiving yourself, they are your standards, it is your integrity, they are your feelings, it is your mind, you are in control.

  On the second issue, what you feel is normal. Time helps, though. I wonder if, perhaps, you don't also feel some regrets that you were not able to more w the girl. I'm not pointing an accusing finger, just throwing out a suggestion. Anyhow, we all get what we want, ie not just what we want consciously, but mostly subconsciously. Perhaps your belief system is at odds w what you are, and so, you are not able to accept some parts of yourself, the more animal parts. This leads to a break in your integrity. Your belief system and your nature need to be able to cooexist peacefully.

  S
• 

  cloud

  Satanus, (ironic name, lol), It's that I really miss her as you said. Of course sexual attraction was there, I'm human, even though I shouldn't have acted on it. But the reality is, she was the only girl I was ever truly in love with. She was so very nice, had a great personality and she used to come to me for help on her problems and she would comfort mine. She was eager to learn about God. My origins are Presbyterian BTW, and ironically, my Mom is way more easygoing on the topic than I am. (My father was not there for the past events as he unfortunetly passed away, in the same year, before we broke up.)

  For some reason, I am taking the topic more to heart than my own parents. Partly because her mom's words over the phone keep ringing in my head. Also, I used read the bible in its entirety, before the break, because I was tired listening to pastors preach just Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John....AGAIN. So I searched through it (Old and New Test.) and found out exactly what was wrong and what was exceptable to God. Even found that some the Old T. actually helps decode some of Revelations. Now I have all this guilt. Not saying its God's fault of course.

  On topic, on a lighter note, I found somewhere, (I forget exactly what book, it was a while ago) where Paul says basically that for a married couple, They should have a continual healthy sexual relationship, lest the man be tempted to cheat on the woman, or the woman, be tempted to cheat on the man. LOL, can't wait to get married some day.

  But yeah, to get my belief system and and my nature to co-exist with me would be nice. I wouldn't be so tormented. It's funny because I don't judge others for all things they tell me they do, yet for me, I'll condemn myself. I know it doesn't make sense. I guess the first step would be to find a way to get rid of the internet p... you know what, problem (as I mentioned a couple posts above).