If you are a Christian, go to confession, say a few prayers and your god will forgive you. Ask God for forgiveness and he WILL forgive you.
Go on with your life, it's way too short.
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud 38 Replies latest social relationships
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Es
I am with so many on this topic, honestly from an outsider it looks like you really dont have much to forgive yourself for?????
In the end its just sex and i know that sounds harsh but its just to people coming together and either a) making love or b) enjoying expressing themselves, i know we have had it drummed in our heads its a sin to do such a thing, but really its not that big a deal
es
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Spectrum
Cloud,
OK I got a carried away in my last post. All of it stands except the bit about multiple girls. What I should have said is doing it as often as your mind and body allows with a girl you like. You must like the girl though otherwise you'll have other problems to deal with, with your conscience. -
jojochan
Jesus gave up his life so that you might be forgiven. He died a really horrible death so that you could be forgiven. Now if he's made such a big sacrifice for you don't you think you should bloody well use it. He did it for you. For you to forgive yourself. Now forgive yourself in his name and move on.
By not forgiving yourself you are rejecting his gift to mankind and that's probably worse than the original sin you committed.
damn...good point. Dr. And btw, Welcome to the forum.Don't beat yourself up over it. She's moved on... you should too, one day at a time.jojochan.
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saturdaymorningblues
brother,
dont beat yourself down over what happened.
no-one is perfect
so you kissed and fooled around
so what?
is it a crime to kiss a woman?
dont allow yourself to become dysfuntional
because from the way you are going on you could become that way.
a kiss is a kiss its ok to kiss!
you didnt have sex with her did you?
so why beat yourself up over a simple thing?
frankly if you believe that what you did was so wrong then i dont a single person would devote their lives to god
if it is an offense to him to kiss a woman!
if i am overreacting i apologize most sincerely but if you really feel that bad then brother i say stop feeling that way now!
you are human it is human to kiss
it isnt a sin!
think of the world empire of false religion,
it alone is misleading so many people..keeping them away from the truth.
compare that to your kiss and fooling around?
which is the more damaging?
i wish you well brother!
most sincerely
smb.
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saturdaymorningblues
look,
noone is perfect we have all committed sin at various times before we repented and tried to live a clean wholesome life that protects us and pleases god.
so you committed fornication...you will find very few people that havent.
tell me something, what is point in you spending all that time going from house to house teaching people about the good news if you forget that you are visiting people that have likely committed fornication or do it on a regular basis!
if it is so bad and unforgivable why hasnt jehovah brought armedgeddon yet?
could it be that he is giving us all time to recognize our sins and its consequences ?
i think so!
we are imperfect people
and im not using that as a excuse
but look at it this way would you starve yourself and ignore your stomach's need for food?
can you live to the age of 100 without eating?
isnt eating essential to your life?
who made us that way?
would you or i exist without your mom and dad having sex in order to create a family?
who made that possible?
so tell me for what reason should you feel unduly guilty for ?
isnt it because you are aware of jehovahs commandments and it is normal to feel guilty when we do something wrong.
think about it?
we are all already condemned to die even if we dont commit fornication!
just because you had sex before marriage why should that mean you cant be forgiven?
your need for sexual relations and satisfaction is normal.
at the time try as you may you may not of had the power to resist.
remember it is normal to want sex..what is wrong is having sex outside of the way jehovah intended it.
it is good that you now consider jehovahs standpoint
but remember your standpoint at the time.
you wasnt a jehovahs witness at the time!
you can forgive yourself!
if jehovah cant forgive you then he aint worth the worship and fear he gets from people.
and it also means what you do now is a waste of time if god cant forgive our fleshy weaknesses.
im not a jw and if i were and was about to get married in front of a elder and was asked if i had ever committed fornincation i would say yes!
if at the end of the day jehovah kills me on the day of armedgeddon
he would be an unjust god.
arent we told god cannot lie?
arent we told god is love?
arent we told that love is kind?
long suffering?
doesnt keep account of the injury?
and more importantly dont you remember that god can read our hearts?
he knows you are sorry for what you did before you were babtised.
why should he hold your sins against you?
does he really think that imperfect people would all reside on planet earth and never put a foot wrong?
we sin we repent..dont let that spoil your life!
if jehovah cant forgive us then i dont want him as my god!
i dont want a god that will remember my faults and never provide a way out for me to repent!
if we do things the right way we can never go wrong!
we all have bad habits..some worse than others but does that mean god refuses to help us?
the greater work is for jehovah not us
if i could i would heap the whole worlds problems on him and let him solve them because he knows that we were never made to be independant of him.
therefore no matter how big or huge our problem throw it all on him and dont feel bad because he can handle it.
we cant handle it that is why we throw it on him!
dont feel guilty anymore
because we are all imperfect
if you wanna have sex its natural just you want to eat when you are hungry.
god made us that way.
hugs from wembley to you
from smb
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Terry
In my opinion Forgiveness IS nonsense at best and injustice at worst.
Any deed that is done causes an effect.
When we do something and cause an effect the deed is done. A destructive deed may cause unnecessary pain, suffering or damage and, certainly--we may not be happy at all that it was us who set it into motion.
But--what is FORGIVENESS?
Forgiveness is a failure to exact justice.
Here is what I mean. I define JUSTICE as "getting what is deserved for an action taken."
You break it; you buy it. That is justice.
You earned it; you must be paid. That is justice.
INjustice is: .
You broke it and you're sorry--so, somebody else pays.
You worked hard for something, but; somebody else gets the reward.
That is INjustice.
Now, exactly why would forgiveness be injustice?
Take a scenario of "I didn't know the gun was loaded and I didn't mean to kill them" situation.
A body is lying dead and bleeding on the floor. The gun is in your hand and smoke is coming out of the barrel.
You didn't mean to do it? Okay, you are "forgiven". Is the person still dead? Is the harm still done?
Who paid the price? You didn't; you are "forgiven".
My point is this:
Forgiveness is wanting to eat your cake and have it too. It is a mental state that wishes the world was not cause and effect. It seeks to avoid the law of causality. You eat the cake (do the deed) and have it too (don't have to pay).
Instead of seeking forgiveness, which is illusory and dishonest (not paying your debt) you should seek instead to figure out a way to make restitution for damage done.
That way others don't pay for your mistakes.
Forgiveness is a mystic's bargain with make-believe.
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Big Tex
Howdy cloud.
You remind me of myself 25 years ago. I've been told I have a hypertrophic conscience, one that works overtime needlessly fretting over little things and then exacting punishment for perceived offenses. I see similiarities with you.
I agree with Satanus' post, that you miss this girl and I can't help but wonder if there is a part of your psyche that is 'punishing' you for losing her. As for Internet porn, well it is what it is. But I do wonder if there isn't something tied in with this girl, as if you keep re-visiting the sites (re-experiencing the very normal, natural sexual feelings you felt for this girl) as a way of renewing your punishment. It's as if you are trying to keep that relationship with that girl in front of you. And so you experience again the pain of losing her, the shame of her mother berating you and so on.
I don't think this has anything to do with God or Christianity. I think this has everything to do with you. You mention forgiving yourself, I would re-phrase it as a need to grieve the loss of a relationship with this girl. Grieve for what could have been. Guilt is a deriviative of sadness, and I suspect until you deal with this core of sadness you will not be able to move on with your life. I also suspect that once you find a way to let go of this experience, your guilt will melt away.
As for the sexual feelings, the porn and what you two did together, well God made the body to respond to stimuli. Christ taught of a kind and benevolent God who looks for ways to include people, rather than exclude them. It would be the ultimate setup if he constructed your body to respond to a woman, and then sat back in harsh and angry judgment. This would not be the person Christ spoke of.
Work this out. You've got unfinished business with the past. You will not be able to move forward until you let go.
Chris
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BizzyBee
cloud,I agree with most of the advice given here (except sixofnine!) But I'd like to offer up a little amateur psychology for your consideration, at no charge. I would suggest that rather than a strictly spiritual dilemma, you have a neurosis* that is blocking your ability to get on with life.
Porn can be or become a substitute for developing real relationships with real people. You have a lot of shame about viewing it (can’t even spell the word out).
Is it possible that you are obsessing over this girl from your past in order to 'stay stuck'? Staying stuck can serve a purpose. To justify not developing real relationships in the present, (and view porn as a substitute) you have
1. the old hurtful experience to obsess about and hold you back
2. and the 'ghetto' superficial girls you see around you now
How convenient! Our neurotic subconscious sets these things up for us in order to allow us to perpetuate what we want to believe about ourselves. Awareness of this can be the beginning of changing it.
* In modern psychology, the term neurosis , also known as psychoneurosis or neurotic disorder , is a general term that refers to any mental imbalance that causes distress, but (unlike a psychosis or personality disorder) does not prevent rational thought or an individual's ability to function in daily life. As an illness, it represents a psychiatric condition in which emotional distress or unconscious conflict is expressed through various physical, physiological, and mental disturbances. It has perhaps been most simply defined as a "poor ability to adapt to one's environment, an inability to change one's life patterns, and the inability to develop a richer, more complex, more satisfying personality."
The term connotes an actual disorder or disease, but under its general definition, neurosis is a normal human experience, part of the human condition. Most people are affected by neurosis in some form. A psychological problem develops when neuroses begin to interfere with, but not significantly impair, normal functioning, and thus cause the individual anxiety. Frequently, the coping mechanisms enlisted to help "ward off" the anxiety only exacerbate the situation, causing more distress. It has even been defined in terms of this coping strategy, as a "symbolic behavior in defense against excessive psychobiologic pain...," which, "...is self-perpetuating because symbolic satisfactions cannot fulfill real needs."
According to psychoanalytic theory, neuroses may be rooted in ego defense mechanisms, but the two concepts are not synonymous. Defense mechanisms are a normal way of developing and maintaining a consistent sense of self (an ego) while only those thought and behavior patterns that produce difficulties in living should be termed neuroses.
NosyBee