Marriage advice needed...am I being unreasonable? (page 2)

Emma

No, you're not being unreasonable. You should go. If you don't fulfill something you've always wanted, the resentment will build up and that would be bad for your relationship. Tell him how much you love him, how much you'd love to see these places with him and how much it would mean to you to have him by your side, but that you be ok with him if he doesn't want to come along. Go with the tour or with friends and have a wonderful time.

Nosferatu

I think it's perfectly fine that you want to travel on your own. Nobody should ever prevent you from living your dreams. They can either join you on their journeys, or they can stay put.

However, I'd put it to your hubby a different way. Try something like, "I'm planning a trip to xxxx. I'd really like you to join me!" That way, you're not excluding him from your plans, but you've made your intention clear that you're not putting your life on hold for him.

Balsam

My Mom & Dad were married for 60 years and it was not a really happy marriage. The reason was my dad only wanted to stay home, no travel, no travel on vacations and my Mother was bored to death with him. She deeply resented the fact that he acted all interested in seeing the world when they dated, but never wanted to budged from home.

Dad was a good man who worked hard, never cheated and took care of his family and loved his family. But my mom needed much more, she craved to see the world. Back in her day she didn't have anyone to travel with or she would have. In her 60's she wanted to take a trip abroad with some ladies and my Dad became angry and she didn't go. He was being unreasonable and eventually it killed my mother's lively spirit and excitement for life. She didn't cry a single tear when he died at 85, and always said she should never have stayed with him after us kids were grown. She never go to travel except across the USA from Calif to NC when they moved here to retire.

Don't let your husband stop you from traveling, if he won't go with you then fine some gal pals to do it with. If he is angry that is tough, he misrepresented himself as a person who wants to travel. He is in the wrong.

You go girl, have fun.

Balsam

Spectrum

I don't know what kind of a hold he has got on you but if you can go without him physically stopping you, then go. He is being extremely selfish and ungentlemanly. Don't put up with it and go and see Rome. Don't go june/july/august though it is too hot for sight seeing.

Virgochik

Thanks to everyone for the feedback! I am still tainted with my JW ~~brainwashing~~ upbringing where I try to be a good wife and I think hubby takes abvantage of that. But I've always had a strong interest in other lands and cultures. My job is stressful, and having an exciting trip to look forward to cheers me and keeps my chin up. I'm getting bored and depressed, thinking there's nothing on my horizon but work and sit in front of the TV.

Mavie: "He's a lazy guy..." Yes, he is, he's put on alot of weight since we married and watches TV as a hobby. He's working 60 hours a week, though, so I don't blame him for being too tired to do much. All I'm asking is, if he doesn't wanna go, then let me go without him!

SixofNine: "The stringing you along thing, what are you going to do about that?" I 've put him on notice, I am not so stupid I don't notice he's got the 'gonna disorder'! Gonna do this, gonna do that, still in the chair. I can't count on him to do what he says and I'm losing confidence in his word. He LAUGHED when I said this.

Luna: "Let him sit at home scratching his nuts in front of the TV." That's exactly what he'd like to do, without being bothered to take the wife on trips. You must know him!

Emma: "The resentment will build up and that would be bad for your relationship." I'm already bitter about the cancelled trips over the last 4 years. I'm 47 and in good health, so now's the time to go. Who knows how long I'll be able to travel? If I wait around on Mr. CouchPotato, I may never make it. He turns green at the thought of boarding a plane, and I love to fly!

Candidlynuts: "Is there a compromise, maybe within the USA?" Yes, we agreed on Yellowstone, a day drive from home. I reminded him many times to make a reservation as the lodges book up fast. When he called last week, they were sold out. Surprise. Now, as I mentioned, vacation's 3 weeks off and no plans, flight or room. The compromise didn't work out either, but yes, it was a good idea!

Nosferatu: "Nobody should prevent you from living your dreams..." I so agree. Is that loving? I've said several times how unhappy I am if I can't travel. If you trust your wife, and want to see her happy, wouldn't a guy put his wife on the plane and tell her to have a good time? I don't see why he's so upset about this.

Balsam: "He killed her lively spirit and excitement for life." I feel that happening to me. Didn't your dad see how he was affecting your mother? Such a shame about that trip, it wouldn't have done any harm for her to go. Thank you for the lesson. I won't let this happen to me. My grandfather was an old stick in the mud too, always in front of the TV; after 60 some years of marriage, my grandma finally got the house to herself!

Sammieswife: "Being dishonest or manipulative in one area can open the door for the same behavior in others." This is a worry to me. What else is there to find out?

Blondie: I could suppress my thrill of international travel and grow more bitter each year until I am too old or in poor health to go any more. But, in the end would I be with the one I love, or the one I've grown to resent intensely? That's my dilemma right now.

AudeSapere, we could both join the travel club. I like the idea of having an itinerary and a tour guide so I'm not lost, lol!

Highlander

You've brought up my pet peeve of every relationship I've been in.

Basically he expressed interest in travel so that he could secure you in a relationship or in at the very least, get in your pants.

My experiences are similiar in that once a girl gets into a relationship with me, or at the very least, gets into my wallet, then all bets are off and whatever was said at the beginning

of the relationship is no longer true. All of a sudden I find myself dating a woman I don't even know.

Bottom line is this,, You want and need to travel, it's part of who you are. Tell him you're going and that you really want him there, but if it's not important to him, you will take

someone else with. end of story.

serendipity

Travel with friends and don't feel the least bit guilty about it. And if you're hubby keeps pitching a fit, ask him to go to marriagecounseling with you. He was dishonest for stringing you along when he had no intention of going. It was an unloving and selfish thing to do. I also have to wonder if he's suffering from mild depression. If he's working and isn't motivated to do anything but watch TV, is something wrong?

Virgochik

Highlander, you understand! "You want and need to travel, it's part of who you are!" Yes! That's how I'll put it to him, thank you. I'm sorry you've been deceived by some girls you've dated. My hubby also had expressed a liking for hiking (rhymes, lol) and we bought hiking boots together, now out in the garage. He doesn't like to hike...

The good news is, the older women get, the more plain they are about their likes and dislikes. I see men also play games sometimes, when they want to snag a woman!

Serendipity, I think you're right about the depression, that could explain his weight gain too. But he's gotten increasingly bossy with me, and I was a very independent woman when I was single, made good money, owned and fixed my home, etc. I don't want the marriage to end because like a born in Dubby girl, I believe in making a marriage work. Counseling may have to happen. Thanks!

free2beme

He is stringing you along, and that is just about guaranteed! So my advice it take the trip with the woman's group while you can afford it and make time and give him a lesson. If he does not like it, well, I guess that could be a lesson for the both of you.

Es

Im with Missbehave, dont let him stop you from seeing the world, its something he knew you wanted to do before you were married, he has no excuse

es

Marriage advice needed...am I being unreasonable?

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