Ingenuous.. your post expresses so many of the feelings I have felt myself. I was also raised as a JW. If the "organization" is all that someone has ever known, it is terrifying to actually know what to do or believe in once you break free. I was disfellowshipped twice and went back, because of fear of the unknown, loss of the cushion, heartbreak at the pain I felt I was causing believing family members and my own heartbreak at not knowing if I was doing the "right thing". The "partying" that led to my being disfellowshipped twice before was only a symptom of trying to escape the complete control exercised over my life by everyone except me. It has only been since actually researching the actual history of the WT and learning the truth about the WT organization and the beliefs, that I have been strong enough to finally leave of my own accord. The kicker for me was learning that the WT was an NGO member of the United Nations until 2001. All those years of hearing how we should "be no part of the world" and all that time the WT was doing exactly what they told us not. On top of that, as far as I know, they have never even admitted to it's members that they had an association with the UN. That was it for me. This time, I told them "I no longer wish to be known as one of Jehovah's Witnesses". I could no longer belong to an organization built on lies and deceit. Even though I have experienced family pressure to return, my poor Mother is heartbroken and worries about me constantly, my sister who will no longer speak to me, my three beautiful children all still active, I realized I could finally think for myself and could not belong to something I could not believe in. I could no longer be a part of an organization built on lies. I would not be a hypocrite.
Why Do Inactive Ones Sometimes Go Back To The Organization?
by minimus 61 Replies latest jw friends
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homejah
My friend who is inactive had never set foot in a Kingdom Hall in 20 years. In spite of the fact that his mother wanted him to go to memorial he will never go since he had read a lot about the Society and when he went to college his mother has not asked him on his good associations with the elders of the congregation he went to. He thought the withneses are like family no matter where he went and it was disspiriting when he returned home to find out his mother had never known the names of the JW's whom he associated. To make matters worse he heard from the assembly that JW's can't go to high school reunions. He just left the truth.