THE REAL REASON FAMILY MEMBERS SHUN.........................

by vitty 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Big Tex

  Nice. Very nice attitude just2sheep.

  how many of you spent your lives shunning others as an example to your children and then when it's your turn to be shunned cry and whine about it?

  None. When my wife's father was disfellowshipped, the elders "warned" her not to associate with him, we not only ignored such asinine direction, we did everything we could to let him know he was a valued part of our family.

  I just can't find it within myself to dance on other people's misery. To answer the topic at hand, I can't help but wonder if one motive might be fear. Fear of being disfellowshipped, hated and murdered by Jehovah at Armageddon and shunned themselves.
• 

  aniron

  Pride may be part of the reason family members shun those that are DF'd or DA'd. Also they may want to show what good little JW's they are.

  Pride may be the answer for family members. But what about others, the brother or sister in the congregation who never really knew you. Many of them you only saw at meetings and knew as Bro.A or Sis B. Suddenly these ones become all righteous and cross the street if they see you coming. They haven't faintest idea why they are doing it, just that the WT has told them to.
• 

  mama1119

  Although my family has never shunned me, I know alot of people whose family did. I think alot of it has to do with fear. Fear of being labled themselves, and fear of finding out what you know, they may be forced to face things they don;t want to. I agree it is a pride issue as well, maybe even a little jealousy you are out and they are not. And of course, ITS A CULT!!!
• 

  wonderwoman

  Their whole belief system is based on fear.
  They are Afraid of what others will say.
  They are Afraid of what others will think.
  They are afraid what Jehovah will do to them.
  They are Afraid what the gb/elders will do to them.
  Hell, I'm still Afraid sometimes.
• 

  just2sheep

  tex,

  you didn't mention that when this occured you had been out for 14 years and didn't care what the rule was because it didn't apply to you. as i said you reap what you sow, if you teach your child to fear being disfellowshipped, hated and murdered by jehovah at armegeddon and shunned themselves or allow others to teach them this then don't whine when they shun you. after all it isn't a suprise is it? it may be a shock. it might make you miserable. but it isn't a suprise. your father-in-law's story is a sad one, but was anyone really suprised that someone you described as going from being a mild mannered and wise elder to being a drunken, loud and obnoxious 78 year old sailor who wanted to bed anything in a skirt was dfd? how much misery did he dance on in his 50 years of annointed eldership? how many people did he shun? did your wife shun people outside her family? or was she taught that the rules only apply to families who don't have an annointed elder as the father? every family is different, every family handles these things in their own way. only hypocrites want the rules changed when it is their turn in the barrel. i don't dance on other peoples misery, but hypocrisy is another matter.

  j2s
• 

  truthsetsonefree

  They do it because the 'slave' said that Jehovah wants them to. As for the 'slave' they want shunning because if the average dub really knew what happens when a person leaves the Borg, they might want to leave as well. Its all a part of the mind control. And families are the victims. Oh wait, doesn't the new tract say that true religion unites families? Oh well, I guess that says what kind of religion this is....
• 

  Big Tex

  you didn't mention that when this occured you had been out for 14 years and didn't care what the rule was because it didn't apply to you

  What does it matter how long I was out? They could have DF'd me, or my wife who was still going. As far as I know, no judicial action has ever been taken against me or my wife. But you are right, I didn't care, nor did I care when I was active.

  you reap what you sow, if you teach your child to fear being disfellowshipped, hated and murdered by jehovah at armegeddon and shunned themselves or allow others to teach them this then don't whine when they shun you

  A weird little religious sect causing families to split and/or never talk to each other is something I find very sad. It is a waste and completely unnecessary. All that pain and for no good reason whatsoever.

  Again, I just can't find it within myself to dance on others' misery, nor can I find it within myself to spew vitriol at someone whose child refuses to acknowledge them. That you can, and feel the need to do so, is beyond me.

  but was anyone really suprised that someone you described as going from being a mild mannered and wise elder to being a drunken, loud and obnoxious 78 year old sailor who wanted to bed anything in a skirt was dfd?

  A cruel characterization, but certainly in keeping with your online personality. You seem like the kind of person that would bitch about the rope he was being hung with.

  No I wasn't surprised. Jehovah's Witnesses have shown time and again their cruelty is surpassed only by their smug hypocrisy. You are quite correct that they were more interested in condemning and punishing him rather than helping him. And again, not surprising.

  Personally I feel a religion, particularly one claiming to be Christian, should focus more on the positive rather than the negative.

  how much misery did he dance on in his 50 years of annointed eldership? how many people did he shun? did your wife shun people outside her family? or was she taught that the rules only apply to families who don't have an annointed elder as the father?

  You're not really interested in an answer. You're trying very hard to engage me for some reason or throw enough dirt at me to get me to sink to your level. Either way, not interested.

  I can't help but feel sorry for you as I can't imagine what it must be like to live with that much anger and bitterness day and night. You see the whole world through that prism and just assume that everyone is just as miserable as you. How sad.

  If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were my father.
• 

  BluesBrother

  but their primary reason is to please Jehovah at all costs

  I think Crumpet is right. There are some dubs of course who are hard-nosed s and so's who actually want to shun their family because they offended them . But I believe the majority do so out of a misguided loyalty and the naive belief that God actually wants them to do it.

  They also swallow the line that shunning might bring them back to the Borg and then they can all live happily forever after .
• 

  Gregor

  Oh and it gives them brownie points to be used at armageddon.......................just in case.

  Vitty, I agree with you. I would only add that, like in my large, extended JW family, that when a family member is Df'd it is an opportunity/excuse to indulge in mean, cold behavior that is more rooted in old feuds, rivalries and pettiness than it is in righteous indignation.
• 

  Dagney

  that they are being obedient to God, but that you have totally embarrassed them, brought the family name into disrepute and it now brings into question how spiritual THEY are.

  I think that is very true...for many.

  And I also think they are envious because we don't have to go to the hall and they do. So they pull out the superior "holier than thou" attitude when they are secretly wishing they could stay home also! They think we are getting by with something...