THE REAL REASON FAMILY MEMBERS SHUN.........................

by vitty 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mary

  just2sheep said: how many of you spent your lives shunning others as an example to your children and then when it's your turn to be shunned cry and whine about it? the borg didn't come and get your children. you took your children and sacrificed them to the borg. you reap what you sow.

  None. When my brother DA'd himself in the early 1980s, (when DA'd were treated exactly like those that were DF'd), I never shunned him, nor did my parents. Even though at that time, I believed this was the Truth, in my heart I never believed that Jehovah approved of cutting off family members just because they didn't want to attend meetings. My best friend (who's brothers DA'd themselves at the same time as my brother) would sit at the kitchen table and look through her brothers as though they didn't exist. We had many arguments at that time and she was always telling me I should be following the Organization's direction and shun him. I told her that nothing would ever make me shun a family member and I never did.

  vitty said: I think the real reason family members shun their "loved ones" is not because they love you and think it will bring you back, or that they are being obedient to God, but that you have totally embarrassed them, brought the family name into disrepute and it now brings into question how spiritual THEY are.

  I think there's a variety of reasons, but the one you named above is definitely one of them. To many, you've brought "shame" on the family for exercising your freedom to think for yourself and when push comes to shove, most Dubs chose the religion over family. They expect you to sacrifice your dignity, your self-respect, your conscience and your very life, just to make their lives easier yet they're most often not willing to sacrifice anything for you.

  Oh and it gives them brownie points to be used at armageddon.......................just in case.

  Bingo....they figure you're a gonner and if they ignore you for years and put a publishing company ahead of normal family relations, didn't Jesus say they'd be rewarded ten-fold? The whole "shunning" thing has bothered me more in the past week than in all the years of my life.
• 

  Gregor

  Oh and it gives them brownie points to be used at armageddon.......................just in case.

  I used to marvel at how JWs who were always irregular publishers, not in the KM school, never conducted a Bible study and missed a lot of meetings, would be the first to go to prison over the draft or refuse a blood trans. for themselves or children. It was like they would rather make a grand gesture than go through the boring grind of being a 'good' witness. As stated above, shunning was a piece of cake for these types and they are good at it.
• 

  Lady Liberty

  You know Vitty, I think you hit it right on the money!! I 100% agree!!

  Sincerely,

  Lady Liberty
• 

  just2sheep

  bigtex,

  you characterize my description of your late father-in-law as cruel. are you aware that this description is word for word the description you gave in one of your early threads? i didn't know him, you did. you described him. my comment was based on your description. if my online personality bothers you, don't read my posts. i can guarantee that you, and others like you, won't like what i have to say. except for personal attacks on me, that i must defend against, you don't have much to say i am interested in. unlike the kh i have a limited method of defending myself here on jwd through replies like this and i intend to do that.

  mary,

  in answer to my question did you really mean that no one had done this or did you mean that no one in your family has done this? you can certainly answer for your family and i know other families who feel the same, which really is beside the point i was trying to make. but, to say that no one has done(is doing) this isn't realistic.

  j2s
• 

  garybuss

  J2s, you wrote: "it is hypocritical to think that the children you taught to shun others would now not shun you."My feelings exactly. Thanks for the reality paragraph, it sure applies to me.
  This is the fact that makes exposure to Jehovah's Witnesses so risky. I don't blame my sons. I blame myself and I blame the Witness teachers who taught them to shun me.
  I ignored the Witness problem in my family for 18 years. By the time I started my own mental exit process, much damage had been done. Wish I could do it over, I'd do it a lot different.
  
  
• 

  Dansk

  Wish I could do it over, I'd do it a lot different.

  So do I! I wouldn't join in the first place!!

  Ian
• 

  gumby

  I think the real reason family members shun their "loved ones" is not because they love you and think it will bring you back, or that they are being obedient to God, but that you have totally embarrassed them, brought the family name into disrepute and it now brings into question how spiritual THEY are.

  I think all of the above is true, however, there are many witness families who miss the fellowship of the ones they love. As an example....my daughter hurts that her dad cannot watch her children grow as she see's her children ask about and long for their grandpa. My daughter would love to have me back in their life. Am I an embarrasment to her family in that I'm not a witness anymore?.... probably....but the witnesses that know me still have deep feelings for me, still want me as a friend, know I'm not a bastard....and this alone helps my family to not be ashamed of me as she knows that they know I'm still a good guy.

  Yes, their love is practiced as "conditional" love...but it's because their loyalty to the organisation is stronger than their fear of the god they worship.

  Gumby
• 

  Jim_TX

  (I haven't read through all the replies to this, so I apologize if this has already been covered...)

  I think that the 'shunning' bit that they do goes waaay back to the days when their main intent was to make you feel like dirt - and it was a 'control' thing, that kept you in 'isolation'.

  It worked, because an individual didn't have any/many outside friends that they could talk to - especially about the JWs. (One wasn't even supposed to speak to another DFed/DAed individual). So, they tried like heck to get 'back in' to the JW organization.

  Nowadays, with the Internet - it's a different ballgame. People get curious, look up 'Jehovah's Witnesses' on some search engine, and ... well, their eyes are opened a bit.

  The effect of shunning is much less today than it was years ago, as a result.

  The only cases where it is still half-way effective is when family is involved.

  The way that their techniques are being defeated is by their methods being brought to light. By telling someone - who is not a JW - what they are doing (I.E. shunning). This makes them look like the fools that they are, for practicing such a childish thing like shunning.

  Just my .02 worth... your mileage may vary... not available in all states... some restrictions may apply...

  Regards,

  Jim TX
• 

  purplesofa

  I think the reason they do it is that they believe that

  1. Jehovah disciplines those that he loves and they see this as a form of discipline, so it actually is showing love to the DF person.

  2. They truely believe that the person is spiritually sick and they are protecting themselves from them.

  3. The problems of the DF person are so overwhelming that disfellowshipping is an easier/lazy way out of dealing with it.

  4. They do not want reproach from their peers.

  purps
• 

  Mary

  j2sheep asked: mary, in answer to my question did you really mean that no one had done this or did you mean that no one in your family has done this?

  Sorry, I should have been more specific. I meant no one in my family has done this. Unfortunately, the majority of Dubs I know do do this.