by jurs 70 Replies latest jw friends
Six,
I agree, there absolutely can be an informed hedonism. It's probably fairly common too. I don't worry so much about someone who gets drunk once in a long while, or smokes pot a few times, as I do about someone who does it a lot. You can smoke a cigarette a handful of times in your life and you will hardly be harming your health. Make a habit of it, however...
Tell you what, why don't we have a moral debate about whether pot is worse than alcohol, and what we as individuals think? I mean, jurs was only asking for help, after all...
I know this is not witness related but I just caught my husband smoking pot. I am so upset !!! He is an alcoholic and has a terrible temper. Now this.
Does he accept he is an alcoholic? Is he in any programme to help? Is he physically violent? Is he emotionally abusive?.
The 'good news' is that the pot will lessen the chance of any violence. You obviously have some experience of drugs, but I don't know what you know of pot. Well, I'd rather deal with a pot abuser than a cocaine abuser, an amphetamine abuser, a heroin abuser, an MDMA abuser or an abuser of alcohol. Yeah, stoned people can talk rubbish, but BELIEVE me, they're the nicest bunch of the lot.
Also, is he actually ABusing pot? It might be hard to tell with his other substance abuse problems, but would you swap your husbands alcoholism for him being a recreational pot smoker with a job and a life, some one who uses pot in the way most people use alcohol? A difficult question to ask, as you've just about had enough, but you are in a situation where you have to look through the range of possible outcomes.
We have 2 kids and one just started middle school. What kind of an example is that?? I know some of you are into drugs but I totally hate them.
It's your right to hold that opinion, but at this stage it seems that he won't stop just because you don't like it.
I had a drug problem some years back before I was a witness and I don't think I can put up with this.
What drugs, how much, for how long, do you think you were addicted? Is it the pot that makes you say you can't put up with it, or is it the straw that breaks the camel's back?
I just left the org in May and it seems like I have a whole new attitude where I don't want to put up with anymore shit.
It's obvious that you have got to a point in your life where you are going through major changes. That's good.
I find nothing more disgusting than talking to some stoned blubbering idiot. We use to do alot of coke together before I became holier than thou and it was nice to live a clean straight life.
Well, if your husband is an alcoholic, YOU may have been living a 'clean, straight life', but he certainly wasn't. Has he shown any indication he wants to change?
All I've ever wanted was the "leave it to beaver family."
Even when you did lots of cocaine? Come on, I have every sympathy for your predicament, but isn't that re-writing history? It sounds like you are going through major changes, and good for you. But it also sounds like your husband is still locked in the life-style you once shared.
I never had it as a kid and I thought I could have it when I became a JW. Wrong.... Alcoholism sucks.... Drugs suck..... I'm tired of being married to someone so weak......... I feel so trapped.
Do you love him? If he was clean, tomorrow, would everything be okay? There is 'no point' in trying to resolve the issues you have with your husband and his lifestyle if it doesn't mean anything anymore. Is he another change? Will you and the kids be better off with him or without him? Or is it worth working through, and hoping that he wants to change his life as well. Maybe even if he doesn't want the straight life-style you are now pursuing, there is a middle ground that will allow you to be happy.
No magic answers, just questions I think you need to ask yourself. I do wish you all the best however.
jurs
Alanon
Hold on, this fella has a foul temper, smokes pot and is an alcoholic.
Alcoholics who want to recover - that means no alcohol ever ever - have to give up ALL addictions.
Alcoholics, drug-users, wife-beaters, whatever, have addictive personalities. They simply can't replace one addiction with another, they must give up ALL addictions. A Spartan life is their lot.
Addictive people have no sense of proportion, they cant have a few beers, they must drink to insensibility. Same goes for gambling, smoking etc. Must be a shit life, being an addict.
Englishman.
..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.
FreePeace the HOME WRECKER said:
"You are a textbook example of projecting your own situation on another."
FreePeace and what are you doing? Just because one or both of your parents or yourself have fucked up your life with vices does not mean your experience fits all. You projecting on us, hell we all projecting, she asked and we project. I do see some HOME WRECKERS in this thread, you one of them.
You assumed more about me than what I revealed about myself and you are completely wrong, kiss my ASS!
Peace, Spartacus
Oh, let's bicker and insult instead of helping... far more useful...
PATHETIC
First, we really don't know for a fact that the man is an Alcholic. Jurs may think a beer or couple of beers a day makes an alcoholic. Second, his acting out violence maybe just how he is wired which is another issue. Is he hitting you, freaking out, then you got serious problems.
Jurs, I recommend not to be so quick to invite others in your marital business, instead of running to the internet asking for help you need to lovingly, quietly and constructively express your observations (not feelings) to your husband. Figure out if it's a control issue with you, re-evaluate your values, perhaps they maybe slightly unreasonable, maybe not. Perhaps you really don't want to be with him for other reasons you don't want to admit. I repeat judge your husband on how he treats you and the kids on a daily basis.
Some people love to see others in misery because they are miserable and when the first thing out of their mouth is to leave your husband or to get outside help then I question their advice. That's me, I say that because I've seen some families break up because too many people in the business. You must show confidence in your husband, give him a chance to show you that the family can have a quality life with him as Dad and husband.
If he hits you, if he verbally abuses you, if he gets drunk and acts out on a regular basis, if he can't provide for the family, if he stays away from home most of the time, if he is seeing other women, then you got problems. And you must discuss them with him, lay everything you observe on the table and when he makes a good point, give him that, you make decisions together, give and take, try to accommodate if possible. Set him straight when he is wrong. You have to honest, fair and strong to speak clearly and without attacking him. Don't order him or chastise him, allow him to be a man. But I would never tell you to leave him, that is a decision only you can make.
If the reasons you may want to leave him does not have the gravity of alcoholism or the others I pointed out (I'm sure there are more) and you still want to leave him then that's something you have to live with. It could be you don't love him that way anymore or you just don't want him for whatever reason that is none of our business, do what you got to do. But don't make him into a monster so that you feel better about breaking up the marriage.
Peace, Spartacus
(((Jurs)))
I'm sorry to hear about the substance abuse problems in your household.
Your post struck a chord with me. I've been addicted to various substances over my lifetime.
I'm addicted to pot although I haven't used it for a couple of years (I gave it up when I got married). I'd rather be married to my wife than smoke a joint. I still dream about pot sometimes.
I not an alcoholic although I used to abuse it (the booze made my pot buzz stronger). There are plenty of alcoholics and former alcoholics in my family and my wife's family. I no longer abuse alcohol.
The hardest addiction for me to kick was nicotene. Those damn cigarettes. Man was that hard to do.
Does your husband's drinking bother you a lot? You seem to be more pissed off about the pot than the booze or his bad temper. Why is that or am I mistaken?
Wishing you the best.
Peace,
Ray
P.S. How's the cosmetology school going?
Sheeeeeeeeesh!, some of you must be getting some real good draw!!! Do you know where I can get it? (joke - I'm not soliciting)
To say you're addicted to pot and haven't done it for 2 years I find hard to believe. Are you sure you weren't doing something stronger such as H even un-knowingly?
Pot or Gear as we call it in the UK, is very widely used by the young and old. It's very prevelent in the colleges and Universitys and parents who remember the 60's are still going strong on it. It's not frowned upon in most circles, and although you may not mention it straight away when (for example) starting a new job, you soon learn who does and who doesn't.
There is a strong debate for legalisation here in the UK and it has just been accepted as an orthodox medical treatment.
I really find this an interesting insight into the US general opinion, and to be honest, I am shocked that you are not more liberal than here. Very suprised.
Some of you, I think have very little experience of it, and sound like dopeophobes frightened of addiction.
I don't believe it to be addictive in the slightest, either chemically or otherwise to a normal person. I would agree with the sentiments of some others who feel that the alcohol addisction is far worse.
Remember three things:
If there is a problem with your reality, do not adjust your mind to compensate.
If it doesn't work for you, don't do it.
Just because it is legal doesn't mean it's alright and if it's illegal it doesn't mean it's all wrong.
I have a real hard tome believing that pot has any chemically addictive properties, when I can smoke an entire quarter ounce through a gravity bong in just one night, and then not even want any for a couple of months. I've never heard of anyone going through withdrawals from lack of weed.
I've read so many ignorant responses on this thread. It's amazing to see how easily some of you can be duped by propaganda. But then again, you were also duped by the WTS. Irresponsibility raising children, has nothing to do with smoking weed. Weed shouldn't be illegal, stupidity should.
Slayer
