After you left JWs how did you work out what you believe now

by awol 42 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  awol

  I left JWs 10 yrs ago and have just considered myself drifted. Never df'd. Could never go back as I personally found it too hard to live up to. Some friends of mine who are in it have the mind set "We do what we can and if we can't then don't worry" in other words, if you feel like NOT answering, studying, service, if you feel like getting pissed, having sex before marrage.... don't worry. Well, to me, what was the point? If you're gonna do this then do it right. If you're gonna get pointed at for being one... then do what you should be doing. I thought they were supposed to be different from EVERY other religion. I would worry if I was thinking the wrong thing I was sinning BIG time. If I swore, I thought that would be it!! To top it all, I was made to feel inadequate and I couldn't cope.

  Enough of that.... I came on here about a week ago, by chance. And I have read and read. Although I had left 10 yrs ago, I think I had NOT left in my head. For example, I think I kind of accepted I would die at the big A and it was my fault because I was shit at being a JW.

  Now, I cannot even sleep. Because, I am convinced they are just another cult / religion. That's fine. I am HAPPY to not be associated with them. BUT, I can't work out what to believe now. I don't want another religion and I'm not going looking for one. I just wonder if anyone has/is been like me. I feel like I haven't got a clue now.

  Do you just switch off thinking about it? I can't. The world is a messed up place, and I worry about the fact that although we, my family are okay, there are millions sufferring around the world. Why? So what is the point....... Now this is where the witnesses would have a field day with me isn't it!!!!! grrrrr see where I'm at?
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  I don't want another religion and I'm not going looking for one.

  awol, you echo my thoughts. I have been out for almost a year, and I have no real belief in a higher power anymore. It might be partly because living with my ex jw boyfriend, who is definitely and atheist these days, has influenced me, but I can't believe a god of love would allow all the things happening in the world nowadays if he has the power to stop it.

  I don't accept the wts bull$hit about all this being to prove whether or not humans will serve god so he can give an answer to satan anymore, they are just a bunch of charlatans pretending to be a religion anyway, and it seems to me that if god does exist, he is a god of hatred, not love. I find it more natural to disbelieve than believe now.
• 

  TopHat

  I was kinda working out what I believe now, BEFORE I left the JW's
• 

  Nowman

  Yes, the world can be a scary place, it always has been really, people just did not hear everything going on because as you know now a days, we can see and hear about everything through TV, radio, internet, etc. But, I can't live my life (now this is me personally) always wondering if I am doing the right thing, but I am not saying that I don't wonder at all, I think being a good human being causes you to wonder if you are doing the right thing or not on occasion.

  I have a family, a really good life which I am proud of. I think to myself, "I must be doing something right" to be blessed with a wonderful husband, a nine year old daughter Haley, and a seven year old son Dylan, and also one on the way, which by the way is a GIRL!!! I ve just learned thoughtout my life that I do not have to have answers to all my former questions. Ok, I do not have faith in some kind of higher power, or what ever, but somehow this is OK with me. I'll find out when I find out, when that happens I do not know.

  Yet, as I said above, this is how I personally feel about it, it works for me. I ve been out of the org for 15 years now, when I 1st left, I constantly struggled with guilt. But that was because I was raised in cult, I was raised to be brainwashed. This went away after some time, I just can't believe, if there is a God, he would destroy all the people that weren't Jehovahs Witnesses, or those that are ignorant. Is God going to destroy my two little children if Armagedon comes because their mom is an apostate? I do not think so. I would not want them to believe in that God anyway.

  So, I ve gone on a tangent. Basically, there were numerous ways to work out what I believe in. It probably will not work for everyone, but it did for me. I want to continue to learn, grow, raise my children, enjoy life...and continue on my free spirited path!

  Nikki
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  megsmomma

  It is kindof ironic how I figured out some of the things I believe now. I have been DA'd for about 8 years, but I was like you and still had it in my mind that JW's were likely right. I had a baby 6 mo's ago, so my mom....who disowns me came to visit. She kept going on about how I need to come back...and my family is going to die, ect. Then she gave me some literature....and I told my husband..."Now that I have these JW books, we can study the Bible to see what I believe." I was actually thinking we would read the books and end up being witnesses. Fortunately he has never been brainwashed and he read some of the books...and said "well....it is very CLOSE to the truth.....but the real truth is just what the bible says" So, I began reasearching what JW's actually teach....like all the false prophesies....that Jesus is the mediator for only the 144,000....the way the JW's have affected peoples lives in very bad ways due to their policies....not based on the Bible....that they PURPOSELY have CHANGED THE BIBLE to fit their views.....I started to UNBELIEVE all of their beliefs....and that opened the door for me to begin to find out what I believe.( I am still so amazed that I never really knew what their teaching were in the first place....and I pioneered!) I found an EXTREMELY helpfull website with great experiences and "talks" that helped me to figure things out. I highly recommend it. If you search "mm outreach' and go to the MM Outreach ministries page....you can listen to a variety of speakers...and they address the things the way we were taught them, and then what the Bible actually says. It was so enlightening!

  I hope this helps.......and Praying helped me too. I didn't know who to pray to, but God knew who I meant!
• 

  done4good

  Hi Awol,

  First of all, take a deep breath. You were finally able to get passed the hardset two steps, leaving and LEARNING the wts is false. Many people accomplish the first one, scarce few the second. Before the internet, such information was much harder to come by, so when someone left the org, because of being "burnt out", they blamed it on themselves, "Well, I just couldn't do it", many have said. You are already passed that point, so kudos.

  As far as working out a belief system, while not HARDER than either of the two first steps, it does take much LONGER. In the wts, we had a simple answer for everything. In the real world, no such simple answers to life exist. We have to make life meaningful, is basically what I'm trying to get at. Study history, as it pretains to religion, and what you will find, if you dig hard and long enough, is that religion is merely a tool used partially to develop moral codes, and partially to explain the unexplainable. I'm not teTELLING you what to believe, that is something you need to develop for yourself. It is FAR more rewarding that way. Have fun with this, really.

  j
• 

  awol

  So, basically live life to the full, be as good a person as you possibly can and be happy with what you have etc. I am like this anyway. What I mean is while a JW you believe. Then you leave. The reasons I left are as stated - couldn't live up to what was expected of me .... can anyone!!! NO WAY. I then came across this forum. Now, finding out about a lot of things on here has been like walking into a brick wall. Do you know what I mean? I'm merrily on my way in life and thinking "okay, Im ex JW.... happy life etc etc .... will die at the end of the system of things but hey, I would of died trying anyway" The wham! this information all comes my way and now I have NO reason to believe the bible or god! Do you understand? At least I was an ex JW with the belief that I was just crap at doing it.... and I proved that by leaving. NOW I am me, on my own.... what is gonna happen then?!!! If the end is not immenent then this build up I feel (maybe cos I was still looking) is now gone! I feel it becoming clearer the more I look into the issues written here..... but wot now. Was looking for anyone who "gets" what I am feeling. Its like waking up after a really real dream and then realising it was not real, or watching an amazing film you can't get out of your head....... maybe I'm screwed!!!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  awol, I think I know what you are saying,

  JW's are just another cult, so what is the answer. I am early on in withdrawing and fading from the Borg,
  and I have no idea where I will go eventually. I feel like I cannot trust ANY religion, and it's possible that
  the entire Bible was written by Hebrew Priests and con-men, not the truth at all. Or it's possible that
  Fundamental Christians have it all right (or all wrong). I carry my JW thinking when examining "Worldly"
  things, but I think that will eventually wear off. (Maybe I am wrong, do you still carry it?)

  If God exists then- If God is love and ready to forgive, then lead a good life, live by the Golden Rule.
  He cannot blame us for not recognizing the "Truth" and spending our whole life wrapped up in it.
  If a person serves God thru the WTS, I think they will be forgiven, and if a person serves God thru any
  "basically good" religion (Fundamentalism, Buddism, Catholicism, any-izem), or just thru his heart, then
  God will understand.

  I hope that's what you are asking about. Otherwise, don't over-think about it unless you enjoy that.
• 

  awol

  And my friends and family will be like "well wot do you believe in if you don't believe in the bible!" I will shrug and say I don't know.... and they will then go on to ask about the world and where it is going.... blah blah blah. I want to be able to say: I BELIVE X,YAND Z now because .....? You kind of want to give a reason. They were happy with me being "ex Jw fallen away.... committed fornication and will die at armageddon taking her children and partner with her" label!

  F**k them!
• 

  Seeker4

  "The world is a messed up place, and I worry about the fact that although we, my family are okay, there are millions sufferring around the world. Why? So what is the point....... Now this is where the witnesses would have a field day with me isn't it!!!!! grrrrr see where I'm at? "
  
  Thinking that the world is a messed up place with millions suffering is basic Witness-think. Maybe start by trying to change your worldview.
  
  Yes, the world is messy and beautiful, dangerous and safe, filled with good people and bad ones.
  
  It is not a JW paradise, was never meant to be a JW paradise, and will never be one. The world simply is. What we have to decide is how we want to live the few years we're going to have in it. What purpose will we create for our life? Will we fill our life with violence or with peace and accomplishment? We may not always have complete choice in these matters, but we do have considerable options personally. Which ones will we choose?
  
  What the Witnesses left us with is the worldview that this is a terrible world needing to be replaced by god's righteous new system. That this world is ruled by Satan, and is filled with evil Changing that view to one more in harmony with what really is, will be a big help.
  
  This is all a great adventure for both the mind and spirit and body. Enjoy it!
  S4